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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DNephew on Wedding Photos? Or am I being a bridezilla?!

268 replies

Bridezilla2011 · 14/05/2011 10:42

Firstly, I've namechanged as don't want to out myself incase any of the people involved are reading Wink

DP and I are getting married on Friday. DNephew (9) is page boy.

SIL rang this morning and left a voicemail on DP's phone to say that she thought she better warn us that today they are dying DNephew's hair bright green, as that is what he wants. She laughed at the end of the message saying 'sorry in advance about the wedding photos'.

I know she isn't joking. His hair has previously been all manner of colours - purple, pink, red etc.

So AIBU to ask DP to tell his sister that if his hair is bright green, I dont want him on my professional wedding photos? Or am I being a bridezilla?

If IABU, then please be gentle, I'm stressed enough already Grin

OP posts:
AlmaSinger · 14/05/2011 11:01

I would be furious! YANBU, phone her back and ask them to wait until after the wedding, you do not want that in your wedding photos! Your wedding = your day, maybe she doesnt understand??

supadupapupascupa · 14/05/2011 11:02

YANBU

But ring her back BEFORE she does it to tell her he won't be on the photos to give her the choice.

Don't leave it until the day to tell her.

Original poster
Bridezilla2011 · 14/05/2011 11:02

Just rang DP at work and he is going to ring her and ask her to either wait a week or understand that he will only be in a couple of photos.

They do pander to his every whim. They think it's hilarious that he wants his hair dyed these bizarre colours! I'm sure they wouldn't have liked it at their wedding though.

Black and white photos is an option - I could just have him on those ones Grin

Thank you for confirming that IANBU, this wedding malarkey is messing with my head!

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 14/05/2011 11:02

How incredibly selfish of them to do that a week before your wedding. She seems to be relishing in the fact if you ask me.

I would call her (or get DP to) and tell her that he will not be in any of the formal wedding photos if they allow him to do this.

I don't know if it would bother me that much tbh, but her ringing up and going 'na na na na na' bloody well would - so she'd be told! Grin

messybessie · 14/05/2011 11:03

I, too, was about to tell you that you were being unreasonable. But no, you are not.

I would ring back, leave a message, very politely and tell say that the only conclusion you can draw is that this is a deliberate ploy on his part as he clearly doesn't in fact want to be a page boy but too afraid to come out and say so. Therefore, as you are such an understanding bride, you'll allow him to back out of being part of the wedding party and downgrade him to regular guest.

but he can keep the suit.

And I would also so that, to save him any future embarrassment or shame, you will make sure he doesn't make it into the official album.

fifi25 · 14/05/2011 11:03

yanbu. Have a couple done with him on and then take the rest yourself. I think its a bit selfish to do it before the wedding. Why cant she wait till afterwards. She knows its going to ruin the photos or she wouldnt have apologised in advance Smile

CurrySpice · 14/05/2011 11:04

How utterly ridiculous! Your SiL that is, not you! What person dyes a 9yo hair, let alone not waiting a week for a wedding! Fucking lunacy!!

Having said that, I can imagine it would be tricky to exclude him! I feel for you!

Hope you have a lovely day though :o

MirandaGoshawk · 14/05/2011 11:04

You would certainly have photos of just the pair of you anyway, wouldn't you? So he'll be in some, which you can throw -away-- but not in others.

You have my sympathy, but it will be OK!

giantpurplepeopleeater · 14/05/2011 11:04

Will the photographer be directing the posed shots??

If so, have a word with him. Ask him to take a couple with paige boy and then the rest without. If he is directing who to be in a shot and where they stand then he can simply tell the boy he is not needed for this photo.

The child won't notice as thats the bit they hate the most anyway and will just be relieved he doesn't have to stand still anymore.

Also just ask the photographer to avoid shots with him in.

Also - speak to the photographer - is there anything they can do to edit the photo afterwards to change his hair colour???? Not sure but am thinking of the airbrushing technique they use in magazines so a good photographer might have something similar.

Don't say anything to SIL. This sounds like it is designed to get your hackles up and saying something to her will only get her what she wants.

If anyone mentions it at the wedding - just give a breasy response. People will respect your chilled attitude and you will come off smelling of roses will SIL looks a complete idiot

Collaborate · 14/05/2011 11:05

I like the idea of black and white photos. Don't know what you'll do though about the blob of green you see out of the corner of your eye as you walk down the aisle.

Tuppence2 · 14/05/2011 11:05

TBH, I would call her back ASAP and ask her if they can wait until after the wedding, or he will not feature in official wedding photos. End of.

Then if they go ahead and dye his hair, they know the consequences.

His parents are the ones being unreasonable in just dropping you a voicemail to let you know, obviously knowing you will be less than impressed. I wouldn't let my child dye their hair bright green even if they were just guests at a wedding, let alone a page boy!

messybessie · 14/05/2011 11:06

I should also add that, at aged 16, I had a further two piercings in one ear (to bring it to a total of 3) a couple of months before my sister's wedding.

My mother went ballistic at me and told me in no uncertain terms that they would have to be removed for the wedding - even though you couldn't see them under my hair.

Lord knows what she would have made of green hair Grin

compo · 14/05/2011 11:06

Is he ringing her now? We need to know what she says!

Spidermama · 14/05/2011 11:07

YABU and very boring. The wedding is about all your guests, not just you. I would be proud to have a green-haired feller brightening up my photos.

kerstina · 14/05/2011 11:07

Black and white photos is a fab idea ! Really though don't worry about offending them as they are certainly not being sensitive to your feelings. Will you keep us posted please.

MercurySoccer · 14/05/2011 11:08

Say you'd be happy to provide a wig for the day?

TheMonster · 14/05/2011 11:09

Oh no! That's really inconsiderate of them. Surely they could wait a week or so.

Original poster
Bridezilla2011 · 14/05/2011 11:10

Yes, he is ringing her and will ring me back. I have everything crossed that this isnt going to turn into a big family argument though!

I'm being boring? I have nothing against green hair, pink hair, purple hair or even yellow hair with red stripes, but I don't particularly want to see them on my wedding photos for the rest of my life! That's my personal opinion though, and I respect yours Spidermama.

I'm off to take DD to the hairdressers shortly (she is not going green though Grin) but will let you know once I've heard back from DP.

OP posts:
Cymar · 14/05/2011 11:10

Why are you worrying about his hair colour? Would it not be more important to you that the day goes smoothly with no fights/arguments etc?

What would you do if your SIL decided at the last minute that your DN isn't going to be a pageboy simply because her DS's hair isn't good enough to be in the photos? You can't exactly separate your DN from his hair, can you?

zikes · 14/05/2011 11:11

I'd go for black & white photos for the ones with him in, if it bothers you so - and chill.

Your photos will be a reflection of what your family is like and what's the point of pretending they're something they're not?

Don't let a bit of hair dye antagonise you.

squeakytoy · 14/05/2011 11:13

I would quite happily say," if you dye his hair green, keep him out of the photos that I am paying for". This is your wedding, your day, and your prerogative.

No, you arent being boring, and they should have a bit more respect for you.

megapixels · 14/05/2011 11:15

He's 9 years old and his hair has already previously been dyed red, pink, purple etc.? What strange parents. They should have got him to wait a week, seems like they have no control of him (or don't want to).

But, I wouldn't keep my nephew out of wedding photos.

Georgimama · 14/05/2011 11:16

I'll you what is boring - people deliberately trying to be "whacky" or even worse "zany" in the middle of other people's important occasions. OP has every right not to be impressed at all.

FabbyChic · 14/05/2011 11:17

Agree with squeaky. If his hair is green he does not go in any photos.

They could bloody wait a week.

LilQueenie · 14/05/2011 11:19

yanbu but perhaps let him in one photo and explain your feelings to exclude him from the rest.Why go to the expense of coordinating dress colours for someone to turn up with a bright green head. It will stand out in a bad way.