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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to only buy 1 present for a joint birthday party

172 replies

pingu2209 · 13/05/2011 16:25

I understand the reasons people have joint birthday parties, but why should I give multiple presents when my child is only attending 1 party?

My dd has just received her invite to a 4th birthday party that is from 4(!) children. Seriously, 4 children from nursery are 'sharing' the party. It is to be held in a local hall and have a bouncy castle.

OP posts:
TheseThingsAreGoodThings · 13/05/2011 16:28

Who will you buy the present for?

hillyhilly · 13/05/2011 16:28

So buy 4 small presents! You don't have to spend any more than you would on one present if you feel that you shouldn't or can't.
Of course, if you think it so ridiculous that 4(!) children are sharing a party then decline the invite - personally I think it sounds like a great idea and saves you having to go to, and buy for, 4 different parties.

inchoccyheaven · 13/05/2011 16:29

If they are not related how are they going to share a joint present ? Would you prefer to have to take your child to 4 individual parties just so you feel justified in buying them a present?
If you feel like that why bother with a present at all!

TheseThingsAreGoodThings · 13/05/2011 16:30

Everything that Hilly said

ENormaSnob · 13/05/2011 16:30

Is the invite from all 4 or just 1?

thisisyesterday · 13/05/2011 16:30

don't be so stupid.

what are you going to buy 4 separate children that they can share?

surely you buy someone a present because it's their birthdahy, not because you get to go to a party? do you always expect a party if you give someone a present? Hmm

Bogeyface · 13/05/2011 16:30

Would you turn down invitations (or not been invited) for 3 of the parties if they had been seperate? If yes then only buy a present for the child you would have accepted/been invited to. If you would have accepted for all 4 then buy for all 4!

Lonnie · 13/05/2011 16:31

wow what happened in teaching your child to be loving and giving towards others??

agree with others. Buy 4 smaller presents or dont accept invite

moomaa · 13/05/2011 16:32

Just buy 4 small things like a toy car, pens, hair clips or a pack of 4 books and split. Easy to do.

oneofthosedays · 13/05/2011 16:32

DD has been invited to a triple birthday and we've just got 3 small things and only spent a fiver each, rather do that than let one go without tbh. If invite had come from one child rather than all three I would have only given the inviter a pressie.

ENormaSnob · 13/05/2011 16:33

I generally only buy the kids friends birthday gifts if they have a party or sleepover etc.

4 presents for 1 party is a lot IMO.

lockets · 13/05/2011 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

loler · 13/05/2011 16:34

when my dc had a joint party we spent more on entertainment and gave a better quality party bag - the cost was similar to if a single party.

I hate going to parties (waste of a weekend!) so would happily buy 4 presents for one party if it meant I got out of 3 other weekends being tied up sitting in a village hall or soft play hell!

ENormaSnob · 13/05/2011 16:34

Meant to add I would just buy 4 smaller presents.

MadamDeathstare · 13/05/2011 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lazylula · 13/05/2011 16:36

YABU if your dc is friendly with all the children or at least knows them all, just buy 4 small presents if it bothers you that much. I think the 4 sets of parents are being very sensible, it probably means that they can afford to invite all the children from nursery meaning no one is leftout.

hester · 13/05/2011 16:38

It's a present, not an entrance fee.

greenlime · 13/05/2011 16:39

OP - I think you missed the point.

You see that your child is giving a present in exchange for attending the party.

Actually, your child gives the birthday child(ren) a present because they are a friend, they like them and they want them to have a nice birthday.

DS was ill over a good friend's party and couldn't go. We still gave the child the present.

Woudl also add - if you invite these children to your child's party, do you expect 3 of them not to bring a present?!

Everyone understands financial contraints. So take smaller presents. Significantly smaller if tight budget.

squeakytoy · 13/05/2011 16:39

so if your child had a party, would you not expect a gift from each of the four children?

Original poster
pingu2209 · 13/05/2011 16:40

I certainly do not buy a present JUST because it is their birthday - if that was the case I would buy each of them a present whether they were having a party or not!

I do feel that to get individual presents you should have individual parties! I would not buy a present for any of the children who have invited my dd if she wasn't invited. I 'justify' the present on the basis my child is going to have a lovely time at a party.

I would normally spend £10 on a present for a child's party - no bloody way will I be spending £40 on one party. To be frank, why would I spend £20?

What can I buy each child for £2.50 each?

Can't be sure, but I do think my dd would have been invited to all 4 parties if they were individual parties as there aren't that many girls in her nursery.

OP posts:
Ormirian · 13/05/2011 16:41

Why? How will they split the gift.

I don't think presents are like entrance tickets to the party. You exchange one in order to get in.

greenlime · 13/05/2011 16:41

In asda, there is plenty of stuff that would thrill a nursery child for £2.50.

thisisyesterday · 13/05/2011 16:41

nice attitude Hmm

so you only buy presents if you get a party in return? what a lovely thing to teach your child.

do you insist on family members holding a party before they're allowed a present too?

I think you should turn down the invite actually if you're so selfish

rookiemater · 13/05/2011 16:43

Usually with joint parties in our part of the world it stipulates that you only need to bring one present. It's a bit thoughtless of them not to have done this.
They are 4 so you can get acceptable presents in Poundland, I wouldn't bother going to the effort of making them look more expensive or spending too much as the parents need to get the message that whilst it's fine to have a joint party they should stipulate that you don't have to get a full sized present for each child.

Bogeyface · 13/05/2011 16:45

So you would happily spend £40 on the 4 children over 4 consecutive weekends but you refuse to do it on the basis that the 4 children are having their parties together?

That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever! You wont be saving any money by buying them seperately!