to only buy 1 present for a joint birthday party

[pingu2209]

I understand the reasons people have joint birthday parties, but why should I give multiple presents when my child is only attending 1 party?

My dd has just received her invite to a 4th birthday party that is from 4(!) children. Seriously, 4 children from nursery are 'sharing' the party. It is to be held in a local hall and have a bouncy castle.

Don't be so bloody tight! Unless the children are alol siblings and live together how could you feasibly buy them a present they could share?

Just go to Poundland and get a couple of things for each child for a pound. They do cards too I think. Job done. Or Asda do 2 children's books for £7 so £3.50 each.

When my two children were invited to twins party I bought 4 presents.
At normal price budget.
One per twin from each child.

We are having a joint party for dd this year with my very good friends dd who is a year younger then my dd.
As they are in different years what we have chosen to do is each child invite the girls from their respective classes (will total about 20 children) so my dd's class mates will get an invite just from dd.
This is even more important as my friend doesn't want any gifts for her dd, this is the way she has always done it, she doesn't buy gifts for other children's parties either, she simply can't afford it especially as five of the girls in her dd's class (and all of them friends) have birthdays in the same week! I on the other hand buy gifts for parties because I want to and dd loves choosing something her friends would like so I don't have the same view as my friend (nor the same problem with all the birthdays at the same time) but I don't expect gifts for dd, if someone comes to a party without a gift they aren't sent to hell or never invited back.
You can't buy just one gift though, you either buy for all or non or simply don't go. I find your attitude horrible and wonder what you are teaching your children.

My girls have joint birthday parties - they are twins so I don't have much choice. They got individual presents from all (except 1 or 2) of their friends, which as they are individuals I did expect!
It is quite challenging to small children (even ones that have always shared everything) to say that present you have just opened is not just for you have to share it. Goodness knows how you expect children living in different places to share a gift!!
In return they do take a present each to parties that they have been invited to.
I am guessing your dd is at nursery and has not had that many birthday invites - to be honest it has been a relief when other children in dds class have had a joint party - less chasing about to village halls or soft play centres at the weekend!!

Was just about to say something but realised that QueentessentialExcel has already said it.

I can see both sides.

Personally I think a 4 X kids party is bad,it does put pressure on parents and the mums are doing it to save money.The last one of these we went to it said don't bring presents on the invite,and the one before I took just 1 for the child we knew(nobody gave a stuff as kids only need 1 or 2 gifts to unwrap,the huge sacks that kids take home from parties is hideous and not that great,I hate it).

I have twins and never expect a present for each of mine at their joint parties.We've had some to share,sometimes just 1 child gets 1 from their friends(they have different friends) sometimes they get 1 each.It doesn't bother me as all I care about is them having fun with their mates. Any parent running a joint party who gets miffed over only 1 child receiving a gift is greedy and vu imho.

Parties have got out of hand,you go to the ones you want and take what you want end of.In these tight times I think things are going to change,big time(thankfully).

Re the op however I do think you're being silly re the £10 it's waaaay too much and you can get gorgeous things for a fiver. Hawkins Bazaar do fab stuff ,ditto Tridias or Book People. Personally I think it depends on how well you know the kids.If you know them all equally I'd do something home made (ie divide up a pack of wooden beads or make up packs of home made playdough with cutters,a bucket each with seeds and a windmill) or get yourself to Hawkins with a budget of £3 each.If you hardly know some just send 1.I always make homemade cards now.

Whatever you do who gives a shit,anybody that got the hump over a bday party gift wouldn't be somebody I'd want to spend any time with what so ever anyhow so really whatever you do it isn't a problem.

YABVU and shall not be invited to my boys' double birthday bash coz you're tight...

I'm on a tight budget most of the blinkiing time, but if an invite is from multiple children I'll buy multiple presents, I don't the problem really, good on the parents of each child getting their head's together and saving some cash I say.

I certainly wouldn't arrive at a party with a present FOR the party (?????) but for the people who are celebrating, regardless of how many there are... I rarely spend over £3 per child, and tbh most kids (mine included) don't give a shit about the quality of the gift they receive, rather that they receive one.

I've also been very embarrassed before when someone's bought a gift that's obviously expensive... because my kids don't really care whether the lego is real or not. Though they are grateful for any gift.

You provide a gift, I feed your kids a load of enumbers and spin them round until they're nearly sick, then I hand them back to you, that's how it works, and long may it last.

i don't think mums necessarily do it to save money.

a couple of friends of mine do joint parties and spend as much as they would on an individual one.. it just means that the kids get a much better party (well, a more expensive one at any rate)

and some people can't afford much of a party, so doing it with another child means that they get a party when otherwise they wouldn't.

I actually see where you're coming from. I feel very awkward about giving cheapo presents (I have no problem with receiving them) so joint parties are quite expensive for me, but that is my problem I suppose.

Also, even if the invite is only from ONE of the children I feel very bad about turning up with only one gift. The birthday children are usually together in the beginning when you go there so it feels a bit awful to ignore one and give a gift to the other child.

Gosh I think I need to toughen up a little.

You can get small, real, lego sets in tesco for £3 something.

yes, why is under £10 cheapo? I like receiving gifts that people have put some thought into and have chosen because they think I (or my child) will like.
I doesn't matter at all what they cost.
and you can get perfectly nice presents for well under a tenner. I am a book person myself and all my ds's love receiving books

3 of their faves have come from Lockets actually (specially the 64 zoo lane one )!!

Logistically, how will the joint gift work? Would you turn up with a gift without a card and just which ever child grabs it first gets it or would you pick one child to give a gift to and not the others?

Personally, if you can't be arsed buying a gift for all 4 (even if it's just something small) then you need to get for noone.

Agree with others, buying a gift isn't the 'cost' of the party, it's a gift for a child who's invited your child to help celebrate their birthday.

Don't be such a stinge OP.

My DD has had a joint party twice with her best friend who's bday is the same week. It is easier becuase their bday is in the middle of the summer holidays and its hard enough to get kids to come to one party at that time of year, never mind two.

They have invited joint friends from school, who invariably bring 2 presents as they know both children and the invite was from both. But they also invite separate friends each (such as cousins/other family members) who only buy presents for the child they know IYSWIM (and they were only invited by that child, not both).

Oh and tescos have buy one get one free on childrens books at the moment, just buy a book each.

I agree with other posters that it should be easy enough to get 4 ok-ish presents for a tenner. Books as previously suggested is the obvious one, or what about a cheap item of clothing (t-shirt or cartoon socks) . The kids will be getting so much they'll most likely not notice what you give anyway, though people might notice if you only give 1 gift.

I agree with other posters that it should be easy enough to get 4 ok-ish presents for a tenner. Books as previously suggested is the obvious one, or what about a cheap item of clothing (t-shirt or cartoon socks) . The kids will be getting so much they'll most likely not notice what you give anyway, though people might notice if you only give 1 gift.

I don't actually care whether people bring a gift to DDs parties or how much it costs. I just find the whole whinging about not getting value for money out of your gift rather distasteful and mean spirited.

Firstly, OP you have posted in AIBU so you cannot expect total agreement with your view.

Are you worried about how you will be viewed by the other children's parents? Four year olds love 'tat' as you call it. Are you worried they'll be comparing notes? What happened to getting a gift you know the child will enjoy? If you feel only one of the children would have invited your child, choose someone specific for that child and get something cheaper and generic for the other three, if you feel you must. But seriously, what could be easier than getting four of something the same, and more fun for the 4 children playing together. I once spent £5 each on 4 yo twins we didn't know well, filling a gift bag with pencils, faceclothes, small sweets etc: emergency raid on the present cupboard. Three years on and now better friends they tell me the coolest gift they got that year was Hulk/ Power Rangers toothbrushes!

As for the parents 'taking the piss' as you put it, do you really think their motivation for having a joint party was solely to maximise gifts? How about 4 friends having a great time playing together?

In my experience, the cost of the party actually had no direct corrolation with my child's enjoyment of it.

Flippin heck Pingu you really are mean spirited. Who cares what you spend? Just buy four dot to dot books and a nice packet of pelt-tips each, or a bottle of bubble bath or some nice chocs etc et cetc - wouldn't cost much and they'd be thrilled. It doesn't take much to make a child of that age happy - not that you care.

A (well-off) friend of mine had a joint birthday party for her child and another and said to me 'it's great, we only have to pay for half the party but G will still get 30 presents' So yes, sometimes parents do plan it this way.

OP I do understand where you are coming from, 4 presents all at once can be daunting, but there is no need to spend £10 each on children that is ludricous, and so not true that anything under is tat very narrow minded.

I have got some wonderful little branded presents for £3 and under, you have to use your imagination and shop about. We had a joint party for dd and a friend, dd goes to afternoon preschool and her friend goes to the morning. I just sent out invites for dd friends in the afternoon class and did not stipulate it was a joint party so that parents did not feel obliged to get two presents. It worked out really well, dd got presents from her friends in the afternoon, and her friend got his presents from the children he invited from his morning sessions.

So for you, kids parties are all about getting your money's worth because your DC only gets to go to one party! Think of the many many parties your Dc will go to in their lifetime. Give four small presents and get into the spirit of it. And never say never, you may be in the position yourself one day of taking part in a joint party.

Pingu - it's not "4 presents for 1 party", it's 4 presents for 4 people - one present each for the birthday children. It's that simple.