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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to only buy 1 present for a joint birthday party

172 replies

pingu2209 · 13/05/2011 16:25

I understand the reasons people have joint birthday parties, but why should I give multiple presents when my child is only attending 1 party?

My dd has just received her invite to a 4th birthday party that is from 4(!) children. Seriously, 4 children from nursery are 'sharing' the party. It is to be held in a local hall and have a bouncy castle.

OP posts:
missmyoldname · 13/05/2011 18:18

OP - now I've read the whole thread I really think you have got a very poor attitude.

£5 is MORE than enough to spend on a 4yo, and I suggest you start up a present box at home. I look for bargains and keep them for parties. For DDs very close friends I tend to buy things specifically that I know they'll love, but for children I don't know I just delve into my present box.

Things I have currently:
£2 (reduced from £6) Disney princess slipper socks.
£2 (reduced from £5) 4 Disney princess jigsaw puzzles.
£4 (reduced from £8) Toy Story 3 torch
Multipacks of Book People books (8 Julia Donaldson paperbacks for £10)
Various reduced hairband/bracelet packs.
Plenty of £1 books from supermarkets (Mr Men, Peppa Pig etc)
DVDs from Amazon for c.£3 each (Peppa Pig, Postman Pat etc)
£3 (reduced from £6) My little Pony

rockinhippy · 13/05/2011 18:24

pingu I did have some sympathy for you & the slating you are getting, until I saw this line yes I would expect a present from all 4 Hmm

I now consider that you seriously need an attitude adjustment, you sound like one spolt brat & I just cannot be arsed to even bother offering you any adviceHmm

I have NEVER thrown a party, for anyone - DD included * EXPECTED presents

Tuppence2 · 13/05/2011 18:32

Basically, Pingu, the point that you seem to be missing (and has been made by several people) is that it is a present for each birthday child, not per party!

What you seem to be saying is, due to the parents deciding it was easier to have their childrens party together (probably to make it easier on the other kids who may have had to choose whose party they went to if held at the same time) the kids shouldn't get the amount you would usually spend on them?!
They are little kids fgs! You really need to get over the 1 present per party, and realise it is a present per child!

And as for the little girl who didn't take a present to parties being uninvited, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Maybe her parents didn't want to buy tat either but couldn't afford anything nice?!

Your attitude is appalling tbh

Original poster
pingu2209 · 13/05/2011 18:33

My mum had a present box. So does my sister. I'm not that organised. If I see a bargain, I buy it and give it to one of my dc at the time. But it is a good idea.

I have never ever ever been given a present from a child who was invited but couldn't attend one of my dc parties. Neither has any of my friends children. This is certainly NOT normal in my neck of the woods. Unless, it was from a very very good best friend.

Clearly I have been overly generous. I will be reducing my gift budget down to £5 - but in the case of 4 children in 1 party - it will be £2.50

My children love going to parties and I give a present not just as a 'happy birthday' but also a 'thank you' for inviting my child. I think joint parties are understandable for more reasons than just finances. However, joint parties mean my dc don't get to go to as many parties, which I know they enjoy.

As I do associate the present with a thank you for the party as much as happy birthday, I feel that the thank you present will be diluted for 4 children as it was only 1 party - although clearly I can get a present the child will like just as much for 1/4 of the cost.

My dc have attended joint parties over the years and I have spent double bubble on presents. I just think 4 children sharing a party is actually quite a lot of children!

OP posts:
pigletmania · 13/05/2011 18:34

The expectation is Shock, dd would not realise if she was not given any presents, I gave her a party without expectation of gifts. missmyoldname thats a good selection of presents there, yes I have bought all sorts of branded items from Poundstretcher. The list is endless, use your imagination OP, your attitude imo is a bit mean spirited, you sound a lot like my mum, I turned up to a party with no present when I was 5 and felt so Blush. I wowed never to do that to my own children.

RubyGrace17 · 13/05/2011 18:35

Love the idea of present boxes for children your DCs perhaps don't know as well :) I'll have to create one of those for my house- I had a similar "prize box" in school for the children in my class but never at home. Thanks for the ideas :)

My DD has been invited to a few joint parties, one with 2 children and one with 3 children and one for triplets, each time we have bought a gift for each child. After all, it is the birthday of each child therefore why would they not all get a gift? I find it hard to think in this way of the gift expense must equate to the party expense type thing- I spent the same amount as I would on 1 child at their party, as I did on each child at the joint parties, around £15.

I would agree that anything under £10 is certainly not "tat" and a lovely book cannot go wrong and as many have said, book people do some great deals on books for £10. You could give each child 2 books each and have 2 left over for perhaps your own child or another birthday. My daughters adore being given books, DD1 certainly prefers it to toys, I'd say.

Ruby

RubyGrace17 · 13/05/2011 18:37

Also if my child cannot attend a party to which they have been invited, I always send in a present for the child (best friend or not). My own mum always did that when myself and my siblings were invited to a party.

On the same token, if my daughters have a party to which a child cannot come, we make sure a party bag is given to that child as soon after the party as possible. It's only polite, in my opinion.

Ruby

DialsMavis · 13/05/2011 18:37

Would you give a more expensive gift for a more expensive party?

LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 13/05/2011 18:37

Both you and your sister sound like nasty spiteful people. Even if I knew how nasty and spiteful you were (in reference to your sister's policy on not inviting non-present-givers), as a parent I would still invite your children to a party, because excluding a child for a decision their parents make is despicable. How can you not see that?

I fear your children will be learning terrible lessons from your warped ideology and shocking grabbiness. I would also question how meaningful any friendships they make will end up being.

Yes, YABU.

LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 13/05/2011 18:39

Will we be seeing your daughter on MTV's Sweet 16 in a few year's time?

DialsMavis · 13/05/2011 18:40

I agree Loopy, I keep thinking about the poor child whos parents didn't/couldn't send presents, then missing out on invites. Sad

Ariesgirl · 13/05/2011 18:44

Have only read the first page but I am Shock

At first I didn't understand the OP's point and was about to post sympathetically. But now I see she sees a toddler life as a game of swapsies. How very odd.

TidyDancer · 13/05/2011 18:49

I've read the whole thread and I think you're a mean-spririted, selfish and greedy individual, OP. Four children, four presents. Simple as that. If your DD has a party, you will presumably invite all four children, and all four children will likely buy your DD a present. Try thinking about others instead of being selfish here and consider that.

Ariesgirl · 13/05/2011 18:52

Oh and OP, have you considered that a party hosted by 4 children may be 4 times as good as there may have been 4 x as much spent on it. So you may get your money's worth after all...

redundanttiara · 13/05/2011 18:56

Surely the point of a party is for the children to have some fun with their friends, eat loads of sweets/party food/cake, tear about the place ignoring organised party fun and then go home. I would never expect a present from children attending a party, yes they are lovely to receive but the expectation is not there. Some families simply don't have that wiggle room in their budget. I would hate to think that a child would miss out on a party due to a lack of present. Their presence would be present enough :)

Personally, I wouldn't give just 1 present for a joint party. It would be either one each or none at all. I also wouldn't spend £40 on 4 presents unless they were things that I was positive the children wanted.

My DC ask if we can give so-and-so a present for their birthday, regardless of whether there's a party invitation or not, or how close they are. It's OK to give someone a gift just because you like them and want to do something nice for them.

muddyangels123 · 13/05/2011 19:10

Sorry Op, if you don't want to get a present for all DC, then don't let your DC go to the party.
My DD went to a party for 3 children and i got them all pop up books & a small stationary set.
You don't need to spend loads. A token gift is better than nothing.

sparkle12mar08 · 13/05/2011 19:17

Heel - a sly, shameless, despicable person. Odious, shabby, ignoble.

HTH!

sparkle12mar08 · 13/05/2011 19:20

See also: chesp, mean contemptible.

sparkle12mar08 · 13/05/2011 19:21

Or rather;

Se also: cheap, mean, miserly. Contemptible.

FuppyGish · 13/05/2011 19:31

Another idea, we tend to but things like Squinkies when they are on 3 for 2 then put them in the present box. So £20/3 = £6.70 each. We buy throughout the year and especially in January sales. Also TKMaxx is very good for branded toys on special offer.

megapixels · 13/05/2011 19:36

Actually, after seeing the other posts by Pingu I've changed my mind that I see where she's coming from. The present seems to be a question of "getting your money's worth" Shock, I didn't know people thought like that! And not inviting a child again for not bringing a present previously? Confused It's a funny world out there.

GoingLoopyLou · 13/05/2011 19:41

I am astonished by this thread!

DS is going to a joint birthday party this weekend of a boy and a girl and it didn't for one minute cross my mind I should only buy one of them a present?!?

I just cannot understand the thinking behind it. I buy a present as DS has been invited to a party and will have fun, whether it is one person party or 5 seems totally irrelevant as that won't impact the fun he has at the party.

I am totally miffed that people could think this way! My very first Hmm going out to you OP.

Fontsnob · 13/05/2011 19:42

Wow, wow. What a vile attitude. Banning a child because they don't bring a gift! Not wanting to get 4 gifts because then you won't get your money worth! Actually figuring out how much a party cos and what the return was from the gifts. Wow.

A 4 yr old isn't going to care how much you spend, and if the parent does (which I feel you would) then they are pretty odious too.

Fontsnob · 13/05/2011 19:43

Costs, not cos.

HeadfirstForHalos · 13/05/2011 20:04

I don't buy presents if they aren't having a party, no, unless they are a close friend. However I am grateful when they are invited to a party. That is why I buy a present, not as an "entrance fee" for the party Hmm

Maybe you should just politely turn down the invitation.....