paying for someone else's honeymoon...

[Mumtomaybebabybella]

I can't decide how I feel about this.

I have had two wedding invitations this week. The first one had TWO gift list requests in it - one for JLewis and one for trailfinders.

The second one has a link to a website where I can make a cash contribution to the couple's honeymoon in the Maldives OR buy them one of a selection of things such as a massage on honeymoon or a boat trip.

I suppose I just feel that I paid for my own honeymoon, honeymoon meals and excursions so why should I pay for someone else's?

I should also mention that we would be required to travel quite a distance to the second wedding and pay for a hotel, etc.

It says on the invite that our presence is gift enough - but it clearly isn't , is it?

I'm sure I'll be flamed. I'm just not keen on paying for someone else's luxury holiday tbh, though I will do it in both cases.

hehe 3times, good on yer for at least trying

So you're the kind of OP who only engages with posters who agree with you mumtomay?

xposts sorry OP

anyone?

I assume the reason they have two is because some people would rather buy an actual 'gift' than contribute to a honeymoon, hence the JL. I don't think it's because they want two gifts!

Personally, I'm going to a wedding in the summer where there's a trailfinders gift list (and a JL one randomly) and am happy to contribute to a honeymoon as I know the couple can't afford one themselves.

Did they ask in the form of a twee little poem? That really makes my teeth itch.

OP I do think if you only have £10 to spend on a present you would be better off at home, there are only so many tea towels people need.

It's not shitty AgentZ it's realistic! If you have a birthday party, you can't dictate what people give! Why would a wedding be different?

choppy To my shame we had poems on our recpetion tables!!

::hangs head::

fabby-feck off.Then feck off some more.

I saw the title and thought it was something to do with Wills and Kate - hmmmm. I'd be more fed up about that than a friend's wedding present.

There are two weddings, two different couples. One couple enclosed two gift lists - one for JL and the other for Trailfinders.

The other couple did the honeymoon begging list.

I can't afford a holiday in the Maldives ..so I sure wouldn't want to help pay for someone elses [tightarse]

Thanks 3times, I used to love Dr Hook

but also [admiration] at your speed and fortitude

Is Fabby joking?

Popbiscuit - doubt it. Very much doubt it.

Bloody hell happybubble, don't introduce the royals into the fracas.

We had a tiny wedding abroad with about 20 people and then a big party at home for about 150. On the invitations to both we specified that we did not want wedding gifts. We also said that if people wanted to still mark the occassion they could make a donation on our behalf to one of our chosen charities. Which we listed along with contact details.
People still gave us presents. Some people will always want to give presents to mark something like a wedding regardless of what you say to them. So I would think that they do mean it when they say that your presence is all they want but are just providing alterantives for the people who will spend money on gifts no matter what
If you are uncomfortable paying for the honeymoon then don't. Take them at their word and just go along to the wedding, or give them something small of your own choosing. Although they may find it frustrating to get something they neither want or need when they have expressly said no presents.

I do not understand the idea that weddings are expensive so you need recompense. Noone has to have a big wedding or even any kind of wedding. I have friends were short of money and they simply had a bried ceremony at the end of a church service. If you wanted to go you turned up for church and hung around. A group of us actually paid for them to have a small reception, but the couple themselves did not ask.

I married for the second time as a woman with her own home and everything set up so I thought it would be rude to ask for a gift. As others have said attending a wedding can be costly in itself.

You do not need a honeymoon and therefore should not ask for others to pay for it, it is a holiday for fucks sake, who needs a holiday.

I've never yet given a gift/money/vouchers etc. at a wedding, nobody has disowned me yet :-)

Personally I think it is an honour to be a guest at a wedding - most couples choose their wedding guests very carefully as numbers are often restricted due to cost and space - they don't invite you just to piss you off and cost you loads of cash, they invite you because they care about sharing their day with you.

I couldn't care less about gift lists being sent out in invitations - I would never dream of going to a wedding and not buy a gift, as would most people I know, so why on earth not get the couple something they want rather than something they might hate/not need? I'm busy, I don't have time to chase people up about their wedding gift lists - I just want to be told what to get, and get it for them.

If you think so poorly of them OP, don't bother going.

Where has OP said she thinks poorly of them, Mary?

er... when she said they were grasping and greedy Pinot

Oh. Missed that