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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go round to my ex husbands house and rip his tiny head off?

235 replies

unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 18:17

I need to vent about this before I boil over - may be long sorry.

DD has asthma, it has been bad for the last week or so unable to take her to the GP Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon due to bank hols and it wasn't that bad then.

ExDH and I have a very acrimonious split since he moved in with a really
controlling bitch unpleasant women, who the kids hate and who has caused row after row after row by totally dominating Ex, and basically stirring and meddling in issues to do with the kids that have nothing to do with her (I of course am "a pyscho" Hmm)

I work full time and have 3 DC, Ex has them every other weekend and 1 weeknight. Doesn't help if they or I are ill, no inset days, no school holidays, didn't take any time off when DS1 was in hospital with appendecitis and had to have two weeks off school (in fact was moaning in the hospital while I phoned around desparate for a bbsitter for our younger two when we were waiting for DS1 to have surgery that he "needed to get back as his OH had a meeting that night and he was supposed to be looking after her DC" Hmm didn't offer to take ours with him). Often refuses to have them if I have dared to suggest he is being a twat, takes holidays a few times a yr so doesn't have the kids. Arranges holidays without asking me and expects to be able to take the kids (term time), expects 6 weeks notice if I need to change arrangements, refuses to be flexible (my OH is in the navy).

I have had a really nasty fluey cold this week high temp etc, I have carried on going to work as DD also looked like she was coming down it and I didn't want to take time off for me in case I needed to for her to be off school. Due to work, clubs, me being ill and there being no appts at the drs I haven't been able to take her and she has a really nasty cough and I suspect chest infection so text ex asking if he can take her this weekend to the saturday clinic (as its his weekend). "No I won't have time".

Text him this morning saying please can you take her to the Drs after school today I recieve a text slagging me off for having a cat which DD is apparently allergic to although this hasn't been medically proven Hmm (which we had before she had asthma) and for not making her take her spray properly (she does) and if she was bad when he had her weds so why have I not taken her yet and he will try but he is really very busy.

Phone Drs at 2pm (earliest you can phone for an afternoon appt) got an appt for 4.40 - text ex to say please can you take her to this appt got a text back slagging me off for giving him such short notice (10 mins after the drs opened Hmm) and no he can't as he is too busy.

DD texted me at 4.50 saying they were playing at his in the garden (as they are not allowed inside when its sunny Hmm) and ex and his oh are in the kitchen.

Fucking cock.

Thanks - thats better.

OP posts:
Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 21:19

Maybe I should call the SAS to break her out - from her DADS Hmm

OP posts:
mummylouise · 06/05/2011 21:20

last weekend my ex had the kids, he lives 600 hundred miles away, dd had high temp with nothing else ( is a common thing with her) i did not want her too go, she did go dosed up with calpol and nurfeon and instructions for my ex. i worried the whole weekend - she did recover on the sat thou.

it sedems to me now u have a moment to stop u have began to worry. Txt ur dd, contact ur ex find out how she is, plan from there.

itsabiggywhatdoidonow · 06/05/2011 21:20

because I don't want to be arrested in front of my kids and stress out my DD when her asthma is bad?

what would you be arrested for?

anyway im hiding thread op you are impossible with your excuses

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 21:20

I don't need a Mother of the Year award.

I just don't want the OP's DD to end up like me. I have an asthma attack now - I end up in hospital. Sometimes I end up in the HDU or ICU with it. Because my parents didn't realise how important it is to get asthma treated immediately and under control.

The reality of the OPs situation is that she CAN'T rely on her XH. That's plain to see. So she is going to have to do this sort of thing herself. It might not be right, nobody's arguing with that as far as I can see, but it IS going to have to be like that.

If you think I'm sanctimonious and on my high horse, so be it.

icooksocks · 06/05/2011 21:22

Her asthma is bad??

So is it bad or isnt it?

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 21:22

For ripping my exdh's teeny weeny little head off Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 21:22

It is bad atm, it is not normally bad.

OP posts:
otisdriftwood · 06/05/2011 21:23

Give it up now...you are making yourself look like an arsehole by harping on at the op.
Dameshirley said it better lol

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 21:25

Her dad has asthma so he should be the expert like you sarahstratton yes?

She is with him the expert so I am sure she will be fine Grin

OP posts:
itsabiggywhatdoidonow · 06/05/2011 21:26

was that aimed at me dame?

If so the bulk of posts where defending my judgement about not drinking with various other posters who questioned/judged it. im certanly not bullying op she is engaging as much as anyone on this thread.

otisdriftwood · 06/05/2011 21:27

FFS so now the op is being harassed for having a drink? get a life you sad judgemental twats

otisdriftwood · 06/05/2011 21:29

And the op has said her ex's new GF will call the police if she goes to there house, thats why she said about being arrested.

They sound like a bloody nightmare

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 21:30

Yes he traded down Grin

OP posts:
DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 21:32

It was aimed at you itsabiggie. You are haranguing the OP and it's pretty unpleasant to watch actually.

saffy85 · 06/05/2011 21:33

otisdriftwood sums it all up pretty well Grin As does DameShirleyKnot. Give it a rest for crying outloud.

Think mummylouise is right about checking in with your DD though OP. But having said that, I don't doubt that has already occurred to you. And fair play to you, I'd have skulked off in a huff anout 4 pages ago. Grin There's so many know-it-alls here you can practically smell the polish they use on their halos....

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 21:34

Ah Saffy shes been texting me all night, she always does Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 21:35

No one asked how old she was - she is 12 btw.... Hmm

OP posts:
heliumballoons · 06/05/2011 21:37

unsurevalentine I hope your DD feels better soon, I hope your EX seeks medical advice for her soon. I am sorry you've had a bit of a flaming - and accept I've been harsh too.

The only advice I can give as a LP, whos doing it totally alone is the more you expect/ want support from your EX the more let down you feel when you don't get it. Now mine has fucked off completely I feel less resentful as I am not in the situation where he could help. So I just do it. (I listed my 8 days emergency medical apt collection above which prove I understand what a PITA it is Grin)

Perhaps in future you should not allow DD to go to her Dads and you take her to the appointmnet. If he causes a fuss you have evidence (GP record of missed appointment) that he will not put her welfare first.

Also, I hope your DS is better too.

otisdriftwood · 06/05/2011 21:37

Saffy...ain't that the truth! I for one would love to be such a shining example of motherhood, must be nice to never be wrong.

itsabiggywhatdoidonow · 06/05/2011 21:38

im sorry but op is feeding the thread do you not expect people to respond unless in agreement or full of sympathy.

saffy85 · 06/05/2011 21:43

Aww bless her. I'm sure she'd tell you if she really really needed you. Hopefully she'll feel loads better soon Smile

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 06/05/2011 21:43

helium - I vent here because if I don't I will lose my calm exterior with my ex and he calls the police (he documents all my texts Hmm) and has had them come and "warn" me that I could be arrested should my texts deviate from stuff to do with the kids.

He refuses to communicate so I text and text to ask such questions as "what time are you picking the kids up" (I am not psychic).

Our kids are 14 , 12 and 9 and they choose to go there. I wish they didn't, but until they choose not to I cannot stop them from seeing their dad.

Don't care about a flaming its only bloody mumsnet Wink

OP posts:
DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 21:47

No, that's not what I expect Hmm

Nor do I expect someone to be treated like a piece of shit, the OP has said she was sick, she wasn't sure whether her DD was getting worse, she works, blah blah, she's having a vodka... And you seem almost gleeful in your character assassination of her. Not cool.

Not cool at all.

otisdriftwood · 06/05/2011 21:51

Dameshirley...I agree, I don't really understand why they are taking pleasure in it either

saffy85 · 06/05/2011 21:52

"im sorry but op is feeding the thread do you not expect people to respond unless in agreement or full of sympathy"

Eh? So OP is now trolling on her own thread? She started the thread why shouldn't she stay and respond? Hmm