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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that I am doomed to a life of singledom forever?

437 replies

DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 10:42

I have been thinking recently about maybe getting a new boyfriend at some point in the future.

As the only men I ever meet are wankers, I don't know why I crossed that out actually, yes, most of the men I meet are wankers, I have decided to start having a little look on Guardian Soulmates to get an idea of what is out there.

Basically, what is out there is men like:

"Crazy Creator
Intuitive, playful, spontaneous, celebratory, he makes things - sometimes for 'the world of culture' but many times for you, songs, poems, cards, perfumes, he will get the tube carriage to sing happy birthday to you, hold a gigantic airport placard with your name on or when you are ill he will dress as a doctor...he will jump without thinking!!!!."

This. This man talks about himself in the 3rd person and is a dickhead.

Can anyone find me someone who is NOT a pretentious arse please?

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 07/05/2011 15:03

Big fat fail there then :)

I am missing the crown emoticon SO much.

TheFlyingOnion · 07/05/2011 15:05

oooh there's a nice one on muckymates in my home town... why do I never bump into these guys in the local?

GettingaWarmGrip · 07/05/2011 15:58

lol @Archie. To be so self-knowing, and yet so lacking in self-awareness at the same time.

Muddy matches is a disaster round here. 99% of them are people who don't speak to me any more after I had the temerity to leave one of their number.

The longer I am single the more I like it. It's interesting, but looking at people's relationships from afar, as I do now, shows me just how lucky I am. No 'nagging' in this house, no moods to accommodate, no permission to be gained to do whatever the hell I like.

Of course there are downsides.....no hanky-panky. but I would think that I could probably find a gigolo if I was really desperate. Anyone know any sites?

Original poster
DameShirleyKnot · 07/05/2011 16:31

Firstly, I'd like to express my disappointment to find that Archie is happily married. Secondly, is 'I have my own asparagus bed' a euphemism for something, if not WHY NOT?

I need to have a dig through for the hospital bed man VT, but will PM you shortly.

One last thing I would like to point at that I am not weird

OP posts:
TiggyD · 07/05/2011 16:49

Come run your fingers through my asparagus bed my dear, I'll be gentle...unless you don't want that... Wink

This certainly is an interesting and varied thread. I won't mention my IQ but it is a whopper.

Profiles for sites are a bloody nightmare to write. You spend your life being modest then have to really sell yourself without seeming big headed.

Original poster
DameShirleyKnot · 07/05/2011 17:20

Ah of course Tiggy, and this thread was really just a light hearted look at the Internet dating game. It is very hard to write something about yourself which highlights your good points and still says "I'm not perfect"

To be honest though, I have seen a good few profiles during my pisstake searches and found a few diamonds in the rough. People who were self deprecating without being "I'm shit" and people being v funny and some that I thought "I wish I were ready for this dating thing, cos I'd definitely give this guy a 'like' or whatever"

So, I'm not a spiteful weirdo or a humourless bitch - I think I found my headline!....

OP posts:
Original poster
DameShirleyKnot · 07/05/2011 18:39

BEWARE!

Look what I just received on my fake PofF profile. I mean, ugh...

"i agree with you about all this bull mess

Hi! .. This is a bit controversial so, if you're easily offended, hit that 'delete' button
now!
I'm Peter , 6ft tall , average build and looking for a sugar babe to spoil. (ie I want
to
be your sugar daddy)
I'm a successful businessman, financially secure and I only want one girl to have a good
relationship with .. we have to
be on roughly the same wavelength and sexually compatible too .........

I'm married .. better be honest about that, cos you'd find out anyway ........... and it's
not
that i don't get any and it's not like i don't appreciate my wife .. it has nothing to do
with
that ... I just have a
need for a secret life .. and this idea appeals to me ..
If it appeals to you even a little bit, then come
say 'Hi' .. and we'll take it from there ..
I'm not a fake or a fraud, a tosser loser or jerk - like many on here .. I'm a genuine nice
guy
just looking for
something a bit different.
If this is definitely not for you, then just tell me 'no thanks'
and
I'll leave it at that .. .......
Hope to hear from you"

OP posts:
VinegarTits · 07/05/2011 18:53

Christ on a bike! there are some utter wankers out there! his poor wife

Hospital man made me laugh, bless Grin

there are some good profiles out there, and i have even had relationships from internet dates, infact my ds2 is the result of one, there is hope,

lubeybooby · 07/05/2011 18:59

Hello from a newly doomed one.

After 3 years being single, I met my perfect man. He was due to move in, in two weeks time. He just dumped me today out of the blue.

I have zero friends and no social life (long story, my ex isolated me from everyone basically and now im self employed and barely even leave my house) so can only meet men on the internet.

GOD help me.

Umm... anyway in my currently shocked/flustered state I can't find the 'recently dumped' thread. Could someone link to it for me please?

lubeybooby · 07/05/2011 19:00

he wasn't the ex that isolated me by the way, just wanted to make that clear!

VinegarTits · 07/05/2011 19:02

lubey what a shit! but on the positive side you are well rid and at least he saved you from having to live with the twat

have some Wine

VinegarTits · 07/05/2011 19:04

oh x-posts, i assumed he was

lubeybooby · 07/05/2011 19:06

I am currently having much Wine ... a whole year in the bin. :(

Thanks x

Original poster
DameShirleyKnot · 07/05/2011 19:10

oh shit Lubey.

I've had a quick scan on the Relationships board and it appears that the "dumped" group have moved on to become the "dumplings no more" group (which is really positive, but not much help for you)

I'm so sorry you wandered onto this silly thread - um, how about starting one in Relationships calling for support? They are brilliant over there, really helpful and caring, and I'm sure if you titled it "recently dumped and struggling" or something you could start a new friendly community.

I'm so sorry Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
DameShirleyKnot · 07/05/2011 19:12

Also. VT - this idiot has a fricking photo attached and his username is a blokes name for instance: MarkCheater145

duh. DUH!

I wish I knew him.

OP posts:
lubeybooby · 07/05/2011 19:14

I did internet dating for three years so don't worry I already know what I'm in for ;)

Mr dumped-me-today I actually met in real life, total one off chance type thing. So even the real life ones are knobs! yay!

Thanks anyway I will look for dumpling no more x

VinegarTits · 07/05/2011 19:21

lubey Sad

ive been single for 4 years (ds2's dad, the internet guy, dumped me when i told him i was preggers) some times i think im better off that way

VinegarTits · 07/05/2011 19:22

PM me the cheater shirl? so i can see what the egotistical fuck looks like?

DollyTwat · 07/05/2011 20:26

Well I've just had a look through the GS site and it's very very depressing. One is obv on all the sites and I had a date with him last year, he looks nothing like his poncey black & white photo, didn't live up to his chirpy description of himself at all, in fact he was possibly the dullest most boring person I've ever met.

However, I love the prisoners site. I'm especially drawn to the ones who have used the 'artists impression' as their photo!

Original poster
DameShirleyKnot · 07/05/2011 20:37

www.wealthymen.com/f/?prg=1&id=wmpoff

Yeah

OP posts:
needafootmassage · 07/05/2011 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sailorsgal · 07/05/2011 21:13

This has been the funniest thread in ages.

wealthymen.com how tacky!

Met dh on dating direct so it can work. He's pretty normal! Wink

SarahStratton · 07/05/2011 21:21

There so has to be a great big catch out on wealthymen lol. It's all far, far too good to be true.

I think my list of wants may possibly be putting them off btw. I may have to write a proper profile.

googoomama · 07/05/2011 21:28

lubey - a dumpling no more here! We're internet dating too! (Well, some of us. The blind optimists :) )

FisticuffsBartholomew · 07/05/2011 22:41

OP just to contradict Carminaburana, let me recommend this site Lots of silly little boys aspiring to be cocklodgers, but a few sensible ones and always hours of fun Grin

In "what I'm looking for" on one dating sight I put: A lover who can string a sentence together, is literate, doesn't smoke, doesn't have a drink or drugs problem, hasn't been abducted by aliens and subjected to an anal probe at some point, doesn't have proof that the moon landings were faked, isn't working towards the overthrow of the bourgeoisie and the establishment of the caliphate/ dictatorship of the proletariat/... etc. before going on to list positive attributes.

Loads of replies. Grin

Internet dating is fun. even if you don't meet anyone special, my word you have a laugh!