DS only child in class not invited to a birthday party

[sweetiesue]

DS has come home from school very upset today. Invitations were handed out some of the class last week to a child's birthday party, with the rest being handed out today. DS didn't have an invite in his bag and came home in tears. Explained it could be a numbers thing thinking that only some of class had been invited. Another mum asked if ds was going so as to double up on lifts and I said ds didn't get an invite. She was shocked as rest of class has been invited. Now I used to be friends with the child's mum and we drifted apart when boys were in different nursery sessions but to my knowledge there was no fall out. Because ds was so upset and as a result of what other mum said I texted birthday child's mum just to say something along the lines of"ds came home saying child was having a party but he didn't have an invite in his bag and wondered if ds had lost the invite and didn't want to appear rude by not replying if it has gone astray at school. Understand if it is a numbers thing and hope he has a great day" She has replied he isn't invited and it is a numbers thing. My issue is the whole class has been invited apart from ds and the venue does have a max number but it isn't so small that they would be struggling to invite ds (in my opinion). Am I being unreasonable to think that there is something odd going on?

Ohhh I hate this kind of thing, mean mean mean. and you were NOT BU

but I think you need to draw a line under this now for the sake of your son, dont let him get upset and tale him for a BIG TREAT that day

its a shame that kids have to learn how mean and petty people are at such a young age

I would hate that woman now!!!! HATE!!!!!

Perhaps the bday child thought that he could invite everyone, but numbers have dictated that he can´t.

So, it is doubtful that your son is the only one not going imo.

You are handling this very well, sweetiesue. :).

I know what you mean tsc during the easter holidays I had pretty much daily txts from one parent at school either just updating what her kids have been doing or planning mass school meet ups.

I text back one day pleading ignorance saying they possibly got the wrong number as I didnt recognise the number, so would they mind deleting my number from thier phonne

I got a very shitty reply saying some mummy and daddies from the school like to keep thier children socialised in the holidays and sorry for causing offence by trying to include me in the loop...WTF, that woman is deranged.

so I txt back thanks but dd and I tend to manage to sscialise ourself well enough by our selfs.

I would rather rip my own eyes out than socialise with a bunch of misfits who need the crutch of the masses to fill thier time.

But anyway what anoyed me most was she had kept hold of my number from a party invite. I find that odd I would have thought most people dont keep numbers once party has past

itsabiggy - I always keep numbers from party invites as I never know if I might need or want to contact the parent again, I can't see anything remotely odd about that.

I can't see why you needed to be so rude to someone who was just trying to be kind and include you, wouldn't a simple no thanks have been enough - you're sounding more like the deranged one imo.

I save phone numbers, have come in very handy on occasion!

For my 7th party I listed the children (all girls) that I wanted at my party. I didn't have a best friend, so I remember going round the different groups I sat in (eg for maths and English etc.) and writing down the names of the girls in those groups.
When my mum saw the list she was fine with it, but as an afterthought asked if I'd invited all the girls in the class. I confidently replied "no there's lots I haven't invited" as I genuinely thought. When she pressed me to name them we realised that it was in fact only one girl. So she got added to the party and all the girls were invited.
BUT if mum hadn't thought of asking then I wouldn't have realised, and nor would she, that we'd left out one. It isn't necessarily done deliberately, thoughtless rather than mean.

I keep numbers too! Because I'm so disorganised sometimes I forget what time something is or a school trip etc....

Ooh, on the "he's my best friend" front, whether that ever means anything... DS & his Yr1 best friend now barely speak to each other. Now y2, DS sits with a boy who he has been quite keen on occasionally (we invited him to play, but the mother responded as though I was something she needed to wipe off her shoe, I am fairly sure that she loathes DS). I suspect that the teacher is actively encouraging their joint friendship, though. Very messy!

DS is the "difficult" child in class who gets few invites. I have NO idea who else is ever having parties or when in that year group. Am so amazed by those of you who do have a clue.

I think if you're happy to give out your number in the first place or to text in order to answer the invitation that's pretty much the same as agreeing to let others use the number again in the future tbh.

Horrible. And why should kids just 'man up' about being the only one left out? If you were the only one in the office not invited to a party or wedding or whatever it would hurt, wouldn't it? And it would be really bad form to leave you out.

OP, subtly find out the score but don't mention it again to your DS. Go and do something fab instead.

Sweetiesue, I empathise with your concern and questions (am still not clear if whole class WAS invited, or just, as you note, the rest of the original group of boys), but it sounds like you could not have handled this more sensitively, with both your DS and the party boy's mum. Out of interest, in case this ever happens to my DD, what have you told your son? Am sure you will find a lovely way to pass the day with your family and hope it is a happy time.

Oh, and Itsabiggy, you sound odd, I am far from a 'joiner' but don't see those who are as needing the 'crutch of the masses' FFS.

What a twat she is! OP I would just start being extra nice to this woman, really make an effort with her to chat, ask her out for coffee, invite her kids to your DS's party etc and hopefully she will be ashamed of the way she has acted. If you've texted her about it and she still said your DS wan't invited, she's either incredibly dense not to reverse her decision or deliberately leaving your son out for some unknown reason. What does DS say about it? Have they had a recent spat you don't know about?

If you are certain that your ds is the only one in the class not invited, then the mum is truly horrible. If I were you, though, I would play it right down - your son will forget about it and it will bother you more than him - believe me I know, because I was your son - and my mum (I still can't believe she did this) took me anyway!!! I am sure the fact of not being invited would have passed unnoticed, but the humiliation of being taken without an invite lives on! I'm kidding, I am obviously over it and I have laughed about it with my mum, who also agrees it was a completely nuts thing to do - kids parties are an utter minefield, but it will be forgotten in no time.

has she really invited the whole class? you might find ther are a small handful not invited but the other mum just feels like the whole class is invited. understand there would be a cap on numbers and she might have invited non school friends. also maybe your child is a handful or not very nice to her son - so best not invited. either way parties tend to get smaller over the years and there will be less whole class invites. in the mean time plan an ice cream somwhere nice with a friend while the party is on.

'And why should kids just 'man up' about being the only one left out?'

Exactly. A few weeks ago someone posted on here upset (understandably) because she was the only one in her work place not asked if she would like a cake. Same sort of thing - the horrible realisation that you are the only one whose feelings have not been considered.

are there girls not invited too?

This is a tough one and Ive also had a similar situation with my little boy. Some of the children he used to go to parties with dont invite him anymore which can be a bit upsetting but ive put this down to the fact that he now has different little mates . They also have play dates at weekends and after school which is a bit tough as I work and cant always return the invite. It sounds a bit odd if he has been left out intentionally and I would just check this out

I don't expect DS1 (Reception) to be invited to all parties and his class is big enough that I'd probably not realise if everyone except him was invited. I did have a tear in my eye the other week though, when he saw a classmate handing out invitations and asked "Is there one for me?" and the boy said "No, it's just a party for good children, not naughty ones"

something like this has happened to my friends little girl who is in the same class as my dd2.

She was the only one not invited to a party a couple of months ago but tbh I'm not surprised she wasn't because she is a bit of a bully, likes to push other children around (inc dd2) and screams in their face if she doesn't get her own way.

I think there is something more to this situation that the op is describing.

I hate birthday parties for kids anyway. (apart from family ones)

I don't think they're bad, Princess. Certainly not for small classes like the OP's ds's class.

DS had a whole class party for his 5th - he'd only been in school for a matter of weeks and hadn't really established his friendship group yet (although of course these evolve all the time). They were still doing half days so I only had to invite 15 school friends, plus friends from the ante-natal and toddler circuits (er, so at least 25 thinking about it). It certainly cost no more than subsequent, much smaller parties (6-8 boys cinema tickets, pizza after, that kind of thing). Probably less in fact.

It was a blast. But bloody stressful. I wouldn't do it again.

It has never, in 10 years, crossed my mind that I was in competetion with other paretns though