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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To this this policeman was being really rude?

166 replies

zedfaca · 02/05/2011 23:15

We've been having problems with our neighbours for the last nine months. They scream at the tops of their voices constantly. They woke me up in the middle of the night all the time when I was pregnant and now they're disturbing my very young baby by waking him up when he's trying to nap etc. They have woken us up or kept us awake more than 100 times. We've tried talking to them but apparently asking them not to scream right next to our bedroom is against their human rights. We've spoken to their landlord, their university and the council and no one can get through to them that they're the ones in the wrong. Luckily they won't be allowed to renew their contract and will be moving out soon.

Anyway, I'd just managed to get my baby to sleep for the night when they started doing it again and woke him up. I banged on the wall to tell them to be quiet. Then they came round and knocked on our door to tell me to stop harassing them!!! Well, I flipped out and started screaming at them to go away and telling them that they're ruining our lives and called them a pair of selfish bitches.

They went back in their house and then called the police who came round to talk to me about threatening them! We told the policeman that we'd tried everything under the sun to resolve the situation but nothing has worked.

The policeman then asked me if I had post-natal depression! It wasn't a routine question, he said it like he thought I problems. I was so offended, I didn't even know what to say. I've got no issues at all, my health visitor said that she thought I was a brilliant mum the last time she was here. I feel so upset that he would ask me that. I just think it's horrible. I mean, how many times would anyone let their baby be woken up by idiots before they got angry?

I mean, if I didn't have a baby would he think it was ok to accuse- it was an accusation the way he said it- me of being depressed?

Am I alone in thinking this is really out of order?

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 02/05/2011 23:19

I think perhaps he was asking because the two selfish arses next door have probably said that you have it, and that you are making things up. Please dont blame the policeman, he will have to check all facts.

Birdsgottafly · 02/05/2011 23:21

You could complain. He has handled this wrong even if he was trying to be helpful. If after speaking to you, he had any concerns he could have had your HV contacted. He should have took details and kept it impersonal, he has over stepped the mark.

ThatVikRinA22 · 02/05/2011 23:21

ffs!

how did the police officer know that your health visitor thinks your a brilliant mum? he is going on the information given to him at the time and perhaps he thought it was a pertinent question to ask given that you have admitted screaming at your neighbours.

he will not have been privy to the whole back story. it wasnt an accusation. it was a line of enquiry and given that this is not a police issue - (its a council one if you have noisy neighbours,) you are being hypersensitive.

worraliberty · 02/05/2011 23:23

It's a tough one really. You must have very thin walls and that would cause a problem for both you (re their noise) and them re your baby's noise.

I agree, you shouldn't blame the policeman. If he thinks you may have been unreasonable in any way, I suppose he has to get to the facts.

At least they're not renewing

saffy85 · 02/05/2011 23:23

PND isn't a sign of weakness or being a bad mother. Just want to get that in there first.

YANBU to have flipped your lid at these people and ofcourse doing so doesn't equate to PND. You have a young baby so are no doubt sleep deprived (and as my HV used to cheerfully tell me, sleep deprivation is a sign of torture) and on top of that you have two selfish, mouthy dipshits disturbing your sleep and that of your baby's.

Are you sure the police officer was "accusing" you and not just enquiring about your health? They may have just been offering sympathy, a "I've been there too" kind of conversation.

I have major sympathy OP. I wouldn't want to live next to these people either.

scurryfunge · 02/05/2011 23:25

If you were sreaming at them and swearing at them then it would be reasonable to question why you reacted like this. The matter is being resolved anyway by them moving out....why aggravate them further?

BeerTricksPotter · 02/05/2011 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

zedfaca · 02/05/2011 23:25

I dunno, there was just something about the way he said it. Not like, have you got any other issues that might be affecting you that we could help you with but like, have you considered that you might be a hormonal and crazy? I was just gobsmacked that he could be so insensitive! And even worse, that he could say that to someone who really does have post-natal depression and make them feel terrible about themselves!

OP posts:

ThatVikRinA22 · 02/05/2011 23:25

birds - complain on what grounds exactly? im a police officer and im very interested to know on what grounds this complaint could be made. so far i have read that the op admitted to screaming at her neighbours and he asked if she may be suffering with post natal depression - she has just had a baby has she not?

what grounds are there for complaint here? this truly amazes me. i risk my neck to protect the people like you daily and you would honestly complain for asking a question like that? in that case i should have at least half a dozen complaints by now...

Birdsgottafly · 02/05/2011 23:25

Thats the thing, the OP state of mind is not a police matter. The question should not have been asked, he has not followed procedure. Surely it is common sense that it is normal to want to sleep at night. He has probably been on nights to long and forgot most people do not sleep of a day.

hmc · 02/05/2011 23:27

I dont think the policeman was being 'really rude' - please dont complain about him and get him into trouble, he isn't the source of your angst, your neighbours are. I am sympathetic to your plight...but just hold on in there - it seems like the tenants from hell will be moving out soon from what you say

squeakytoy · 02/05/2011 23:27

Of course the Ops state of mind is a police matter if they have been called because of her threatening behaviour ffs!!!!

BeerTricksPotter · 02/05/2011 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThatVikRinA22 · 02/05/2011 23:29

what 'procedure' birds? id love to hear how much you know about police procedure. im all ears in fact.

Birdsgottafly · 02/05/2011 23:29

If you are a police officer, you will know that a mother appearing to suffer from post natal depression is a possible CP concern, there are procedures. You should not be asking on a first visit wether a person has this, if she did, do you think she would know? If she said no would you leave it at that? I suppose this is why they are know introducing a degree level qualification to be in the police.

nijinsky · 02/05/2011 23:29

I don't think its possible to say who is at fault in such cases. I dealt with a very similar case once when I worked with Houses in Multiple Occupation licensing and it has made me somewhat circumspect about such claims. It involved a family such as yours living near the university next to a house where students lived. The students went out to study and apparantly slammed doors and when they came back from their part-time jobs, their feet on the stairs were too noisy. Sometimes they were heard to be talking to each other although they rarely had parties. It was pretty obvious to any third party neutral observer that they were quite normal, hard working students.

The students OTOH put up with the baby crying, the children screaming in the garden and the mother in retaliation pressing their doorbell repeatedly to "get her own back". She made their lives hell.

Very few people scream pointlessly unless they suffer from mental health issues or addictions. Babies do tend to wake up. It is unreasonable to expect total silence if you have neighbours. They have a right to live in their own home.

Have you looked into better sound insulation? Have you asked your Environmental Health Office to give you a sound meter to measure whether the noise you describe from next door exceeds acceptable levels? I do think that if their noise were truly unreasonable, the police would intervene - I've complained to the police about loud parties held by neighbours in the past and they have been very helpful and effective.

Birdsgottafly · 02/05/2011 23:29

I work closely with the police as a CP SW.

scurryfunge · 02/05/2011 23:30

Birdsgottafly.....also intrigued about your inside knowledge!

Birdsgottafly · 02/05/2011 23:32

Vicar-so if someone answeres that they are in a fit mental state you take that as an ok to walk away? Before working in CP i was in MH and also required to work with the police. As we all now do as inter professionals. I am not arguing about this, the OP can make a complaint if she so wishes.

saffy85 · 02/05/2011 23:32

"I dunno, there was just something about the way he said it. Not like, have you got any other issues that might be affecting you that we could help you with but like, have you considered that you might be a hormonal and crazy? I was just gobsmacked that he could be so insensitive! And even worse, that he could say that to someone who really does have post-natal depression and make them feel terrible about themselves!"

to that.

FWIW I have had PND and been asked by a police officer who came to visit me following a domestic incident with my DP whether I had it. I wasn't offended at all, nor did I feel terrible about myself due to that question. I am offended by you insinuating that I am/was "hormonal and crazy" due to having depression, Post-natal or otherwise though.

hmc · 02/05/2011 23:32

You must have lost your composure somewhat to encourage your neigbours to call the police....are you being completely honest with yourself?

Birdsgottafly · 02/05/2011 23:33

SW and PC's regulary do training courses together as we all have 'to be singing from the same song sheet' (I hate the use of that but oh well)

scurryfunge · 02/05/2011 23:34

Sorry Birds,cross post but you are still not making sense....there is no degree level qualification to be in the Police and to suggest your argument is an intellectual one is laughable.

Police officers ask questions and Mental Health questions are always relevant as most people with MH issues have good understanding of their condition.

Original poster

zedfaca · 02/05/2011 23:36

We don't have thin walls at all. We've lived here for years. They are literally SCREAMING. At four am. I am already furious about it but to have them come round to my front door and make out like I'm disturbing them by banging on their wall. Yes, I flipped my lid!

I agree that he could have thought to ask that question but he did not say it in a nice way. I don't understand why he thinks that isn't a really hurtful thing to say to someone. Plus, he came round and i'm just folding some clothes that I've washed to put away and these two girls have beer cans all over their front room and I'm not entirely sure that they weren't drunk!

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 02/05/2011 23:37

Well they are now starting one (last year). Its being offered in the North West.

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