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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To this this policeman was being really rude?

166 replies

zedfaca · 02/05/2011 23:15

We've been having problems with our neighbours for the last nine months. They scream at the tops of their voices constantly. They woke me up in the middle of the night all the time when I was pregnant and now they're disturbing my very young baby by waking him up when he's trying to nap etc. They have woken us up or kept us awake more than 100 times. We've tried talking to them but apparently asking them not to scream right next to our bedroom is against their human rights. We've spoken to their landlord, their university and the council and no one can get through to them that they're the ones in the wrong. Luckily they won't be allowed to renew their contract and will be moving out soon.

Anyway, I'd just managed to get my baby to sleep for the night when they started doing it again and woke him up. I banged on the wall to tell them to be quiet. Then they came round and knocked on our door to tell me to stop harassing them!!! Well, I flipped out and started screaming at them to go away and telling them that they're ruining our lives and called them a pair of selfish bitches.

They went back in their house and then called the police who came round to talk to me about threatening them! We told the policeman that we'd tried everything under the sun to resolve the situation but nothing has worked.

The policeman then asked me if I had post-natal depression! It wasn't a routine question, he said it like he thought I problems. I was so offended, I didn't even know what to say. I've got no issues at all, my health visitor said that she thought I was a brilliant mum the last time she was here. I feel so upset that he would ask me that. I just think it's horrible. I mean, how many times would anyone let their baby be woken up by idiots before they got angry?

I mean, if I didn't have a baby would he think it was ok to accuse- it was an accusation the way he said it- me of being depressed?

Am I alone in thinking this is really out of order?

OP posts:
HerRoyalHighnessSarahStratton · 02/05/2011 23:39

He was only doing his job. He's following up on a report that's been made against you. If you've got a new baby and you've been screaming at your neighbours and they've reported you, then PND seems a very relevant question to be asking.

You don't know exactly what your neighbours have said about you.

BeerTricksPotter · 02/05/2011 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThatVikRinA22 · 02/05/2011 23:40

in that case i guess the officer should have simply declined the job on the grounds that noise nuisance is not a police matter then?

the fact is that the neighbours had phoned the police due to the op's threatening behaviour. i dont see how the officer warrants a complaint made against him for asking about depression, - if he had concerns i am sure he would have acted appropriately, but to ask questions is part and parcel of the job.
birdsgottafly - shame the same scrutiny isnt applied to your role as you would have applied to mine.

Birdsgottafly · 02/05/2011 23:41

By procedures, i meant that if he suspected the Op was behaving in a erratic manner due to MH issues then he could have handled it differently. If she had of been over 45 he probably would have asked her if she was menopausal.

scurryfunge · 02/05/2011 23:41

There is no recruitment for Police across the country at the moment and any "degree" is a foundation course not a full degree. It may contribute towards a degree but there is no Policing course per se.

nijinsky · 02/05/2011 23:42

Having beer cans and being drunk in your own home is not exactly a criminal offence OP!

How long does the screaming at 4am go on for and does it consist of words or what? Or were they just coming in from a night out and making normal noises from entering their home and chatting for a few minutes? Does your local authority not have an Environmental Health Department which can assist, particularly with regards to a noise meter?

The whole world does not revolve around one person who has a baby. Other people are also entitled to live in their own homes and go about their lives too. Its not realistic to expect silence.

Birdsgottafly · 02/05/2011 23:43

If he has acted totaly appropriate under his guidelines then a complaint won't do any harm. It might make him rethink how he approaches a situation, no harm in that either.

zedfaca · 02/05/2011 23:44

They called the police to cause more trouble. They didn't feel threatened. They were laughing. They're not a very nice pair. They offered to have a fight with me one night when I was pregnant because I asked them to keep it down. This was when we still thought there was any chance of sorting things out and maybe being friends. We've always been friendly with our neighbours. I've certainly never screamed at any of them until these two spent nine months winding me up day and night

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 02/05/2011 23:44

Birds, I think you may be a little anti police here -the guidelines appear to be in your own head.

ThatVikRinA22 · 02/05/2011 23:45

there is the foundation degree or the Solap. it is not a prerequisite of the job - it is done during the two year probationary period.

worraliberty · 02/05/2011 23:45

I dunno, there was just something about the way he said it. Not like, have you got any other issues that might be affecting you that we could help you with but like, have you considered that you might be a hormonal and crazy? I was just gobsmacked that he could be so insensitive

And you describing PND on MNet as 'hormonal and crazy' is not insensitive? Confused

BeerTricksPotter · 02/05/2011 23:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HerRoyalHighnessSarahStratton · 02/05/2011 23:47

Exactly zedfaca. Your neighbours have called the police to stir. They've probably told them that their 'bat shit crazy' neighbour has been screaming and threatening them.

Add that to the new baby and personally I think the PND question is perfectly relevant.

They've been incredibly thoughtless, rude and arrogant but you are the one that has been aggressive not that I blame you.

scurryfunge · 02/05/2011 23:47

Ah, Vicar, or SoCrap as it is known!

yummybutterbiscuit · 02/05/2011 23:47

a random aside.... why contact their university about the noise...? im guesing they are students, but what does it have to do with their university? what should the university have done to sort out a noise issue of people in a privately rented flat? if it was student halls, then it might bbe an issue, but if you live next door to them im guessing its a private rent...

HerRoyalHighnessSarahStratton · 02/05/2011 23:48

Btw am not saying PND = crazy, just suggesting that your neighbours have probably possibly said something along those lines.

ThatVikRinA22 · 02/05/2011 23:48

i was thinking the same scurryfunge...have decided not to bite. very quick to shout complain, but im still not understanding on what grounds exactly? there is no procedure that i am aware of that limits lines of questioning when a complaint has been made against someone, seems like a reasonable question under the circumstances, when taking into the account the op has admitted screaming and has "flipped her lid" to the extent the neighbours felt threatened enough to call the police.

Birdsgottafly · 02/05/2011 23:49

Scurry-we are kept up to date with any proposed changes to training. I also have friends and family in the police force so i don't want to argue the case against the police, there is good and bad in all professions. I started posting in CP threads to take fear away from those in certain positions. Having the support and respect from the public makes both our jobs easier. Its not a case (or shouldn't be) of 'them or us'.

ThatVikRinA22 · 02/05/2011 23:50

Grin scurry....i am in the throes of Socrap as we speak! oh the joy!

scurryfunge · 02/05/2011 23:52

Vicar....you are right....it is a reasonable question. Most people have a good insight into any mental health problems they have, so that particular question is extremely relevant. It leads on to then offering suitable advice and referral if necessary -getting the right people to assist with any issues.

zedfaca · 02/05/2011 23:53

Ah their human rights. If it's their human right to scream at 4am next to someones bedroom when they have an entire house then I disagree. Also that screaming WHOOP WHOOP OH MY GOD WOOOOOOO OH MY DAYS WHOOP WHOOP for hours on end is necessary or even without the intention of actually disturbing us, then again, I disagree. Yes, we have been down the road of getting them evicted but their landlords have agreed not to renew their contract which is a quicker way of getting rid of them than a court eviction.

About the hormonal and crazy thing- I DON'T think having post-natal depression makes you hormonal and crazy, but the way he said it made it sound like he did. That's what upset me so much.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 02/05/2011 23:54

Birds...I agree about the the "them and us " which is why I find your posts unhelpful and a bit misleading.

Birdsgottafly · 02/05/2011 23:54

yummy-it depends on what course they are on. My DN is a student nurse and has been warned about conduct, their uni will take complaints seriously.

People are entitled to sleep at night. I don't see why this has brought criticism on the OP.

zedfaca · 02/05/2011 23:57

All university students sign a contract to say that they will not cause any problems in residential areas so all complaints of this nature go through the student liaison officer.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 02/05/2011 23:58

Scurry- guidelines must vary nationally then, the OP is the best judge to how she was spoken to. Or are you saying every policeman is perfect and does their job and speaks to people how they should?

OP the complaints procedure is there, use it if you want to.

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