To this this policeman was being really rude?

[zedfaca]

We've been having problems with our neighbours for the last nine months. They scream at the tops of their voices constantly. They woke me up in the middle of the night all the time when I was pregnant and now they're disturbing my very young baby by waking him up when he's trying to nap etc. They have woken us up or kept us awake more than 100 times. We've tried talking to them but apparently asking them not to scream right next to our bedroom is against their human rights. We've spoken to their landlord, their university and the council and no one can get through to them that they're the ones in the wrong. Luckily they won't be allowed to renew their contract and will be moving out soon.

Anyway, I'd just managed to get my baby to sleep for the night when they started doing it again and woke him up. I banged on the wall to tell them to be quiet. Then they came round and knocked on our door to tell me to stop harassing them!!! Well, I flipped out and started screaming at them to go away and telling them that they're ruining our lives and called them a pair of selfish bitches.

They went back in their house and then called the police who came round to talk to me about threatening them! We told the policeman that we'd tried everything under the sun to resolve the situation but nothing has worked.

The policeman then asked me if I had post-natal depression! It wasn't a routine question, he said it like he thought I problems. I was so offended, I didn't even know what to say. I've got no issues at all, my health visitor said that she thought I was a brilliant mum the last time she was here. I feel so upset that he would ask me that. I just think it's horrible. I mean, how many times would anyone let their baby be woken up by idiots before they got angry?

I mean, if I didn't have a baby would he think it was ok to accuse- it was an accusation the way he said it- me of being depressed?

Am I alone in thinking this is really out of order?

I am questioning whether any complaint is justified. On the information so far it sounds like the Police Officer was asking a relevant question. The guidelines you fail to mention are still a mystery.

but no one is criticising the op for being annoyed at not being able to sleep, they are saying it is not reasonable to make a complaint against a police officer investigating threats that the OP has made - the officer can only go on information he is told, he or she will have to verify all information and ask questions in order to attempt to find out what has happened,

your posts so far have made you sound very anti police - to complain about a line of questioning when the police have been called is unhelpful - how can any complaint be investigated when you would have our hands tied in such a way? what in your view is acceptable to ask? how about if the neighbours had indicated that they believe the op has MH issues? this is a question that is asked in custody suites - does that warrant a complaint if the answer is 'no'? to take offence at a line of questioning when the officer is trying to do their job is one thing, but you are encouraging the op to make the complaint and im asking on what grounds that complaint should be made.

Your attitude is appalling OP. As is your terminology.

I'm sure your neighbours are annoying but I'm struggling to give a shit, tbh.

I'm not going to make a complaint about him because I don't want to waste any more of the police's time. I wasn't threatening the girls at all, although I told them to go away very loudly and when they wouldn't, I called them selfish bitches. No there is nothing wrong with being drunk in your own home but waking up other peoples children and then staggering round to complain that you feel harassed by a short knock on the wall is a little outrageous.

Anyway, they are in the wrong. They totally are in the wrong. Trust me, I'm not oversensitive. This isn't normal neighbour noise. I don't expect silence. Just not to hear full volume ambulance impressions when my son and I need to sleep.

My point is why was this policeman using the fact that some women suffer this condition which is not their fault and does not make them a bad or mad person to suggest that because I've reached my noise limit and I can't take anymore, that I'm one step away from an asylum?

I think you're focusing on the wrong thing. The policeman is fine.

On the subject of the neighbours, they do sound annoying, no doubt. Is there any chance that they think it's fair enough? Do they, perhaps, get woken by your baby? They have as much right as he does to live peacefully.

Is there any possibility that they see it as someone randomly banging on their wall and then screaming abuse at them? Cos there's a possibility that that's how they've taken it, in which case, I can understand their chagrin.

That's not to say it's your fault or anything, but do they realise the extent to which they're disturbing you? Students can get very wrapped up in their own lives (as can parents).

Is it possible that the policeman was trying to help? He could have thought that maybe the stress of a young baby and a dispute with neighbours could be making you depressed?
I can't see what there is to complain about though? He only asked a question!

Birds - how is every case of PND a police child protection issue? a little over zealous dont you think? many many women have PND, im sure they should not all be reported to SS on issues of child protection?
im really curious about these procedures now as my training is quite recent, and i have ongoing training every 10 weeks, im still not familiar with these procedures of which you speak.

Oh, how horrible! Well if you don't give a shit, then why even comment?

I'm not asking people to review my neighbours. I'm angry that someone is throwing around words like post-natal depression without considering the consequences. One, I was shouting at my neighbours because they've come round to my house asking for trouble and I've put up with too much not to speak my mind. And two, what the hell has the fact that someone recently had a baby have to do with it? He said it like, well you must be on the edge anyway. I am not! Everything else in my life is just fab!

why are you so offended to be asked about PND? what is it about being asked that you find so objectionable?

would you complain about your gp asking? or your health visitor asking?

No they know exactly what they're doing. In fact, they've been very confrontational and aggressive towards us and not made any attempt to quieten down. It actually sounds like they're deliberately being louder on purpose. Our baby doesn't scream as loud as they scream. We spoke to our neighbours on the other side today to say sorry if you felt uncomfortable with all this going on and they said that they didn't even realise we had a baby.

Because the way he said have you got post-natal depression implied that he thought it wasn't a very common thing that women suffer though no fault of their own but like he was asking me if I took drugs or was a generally neglectful parent.

Honestly, what is this complain obsession? I'm not going to make a complaint!

WHOOP WHOOP OH MY GOD WOOOOOOO OH MY DAYS WHOOP WHOOP for hours on end

I'm sorry but for 'hours on end'??

Do you think you're exaggerating a bit perhaps?

I understand how frustrating it is to have young people nextdoor...living their lives like a lot of young people do and perhaps not understanding what it's like to have a baby.

but you have to remember, your baby probably wakes them too..regardless of what your neighbours on the other side say.

You were abusive to them..so much so that they called the police. You've complained to their Uni?? and now their Landlord (as a result of you complaining to them too) is not renewing their contract.

Can you not understand a teensy bit why they called the police on this occasion and why the police officer may have had cause to think you may have PND?

I have to say (from your 'hours on end' post) you do sound a little OTT and perhaps a bit 'my baby is more important than anyone else'?

but like he was asking me if I took drugs or was a generally neglectful parent

WTF??? Sorry but you sound like you really need to get your head together. You're off on a bit of a tangent there with all the various things you've read into one simple question

I don't envy your situation..I'm glad it'll soon be resolved but please try to look at this question in a rational way.

perfectly reasonable for the policeman to ask if you might have PND, can't see why you should be in the least offended at him trying to ascertain the whole picture

No I am not exaggerating. They screamed once from 9pm to 5am and at 3am when I asked them to be quiet please, they offered to beat me up. I was eight months pregnant.

You also didn't hear the way the way the policeman spoke to me. I can't really explain any more that it didn't come across like a normal question.

Wow, I didn't realise so many people would think I was in the wrong. That's so upsetting to hear. I don't think we're the only people in the world, I just want to sleep at night and it finally got to me. These horrible girls were laughing their heads off at me and then they called the police because they were drunk and wanted to cause more trouble.

I don't know why everyone thinks I'm such a bad person. I won't be posting here again if that's what people think of me.

I feel very sorry for you ,it is evident these girls have been driving you insane .

My Mum went through a simliar thing with her neighbors , she was so done in with the noise, she had to take to sleeping on a Z bed in her kitchen (a woman in her 60's )

There is no complaint to be made IMO though :) only because I don't actually think the policeman did anything wrong .

I would suggest that what has happened, is that because of nobody appearing to hear or understand the situation ,the policeman has become the focus of your pain and dispair .

When you have lived with constant noise abuse it is soul destroying .

When you have a baby woken (when you have just got them down) it is hell .

Move on now ,and be happy that they are going ~try to keep that as your focus as you have coped remarkably well considering ...REMEMBER

It is going to end now :) good luck for the remaining period and go easy on yourself .

Oh ,and I would like to suggest the OP is probably sleep deprived herself .

That messes with rational people at the best of times right ?

Your neighbours are awful and you have every right to be mad at them. But yabu for acting like PND is something that is an insult - or in thinking that mums with PND are bad mothers... I had PND with no. 2 child and he was fed on demand, dressed and clean and held every bit as well and often as the other two kids... I am a bit offended to think a woman would judge a reasonable question from the policeman about possible PND as an 'accusation' and bad thing...

It sounds like the neighbours have been telling the police stuff, like that you have a new baby and are suffering from PND, because they probably think it is funny. The neighbours may well have portrayed you as a mad crazy mum to the police, hence the question have you got PND?

There is no justification to complain About the policeman and I am glad you have changed your mind.

It seems like you need to call cab or someone to see what you can do about your neighbours.

Personally I would complain! The police can be very arrogant and sometmes need training on ho their actions come across. Maybe someone should explain to him how it feels to be asked that question when you are sleep deprived.
(But then I don't have a normal middle class reverence for the police.)

You said in your first post that you flipped out and started screaming at them calling them selfish bitches... now it's turned around to variations on you asking nicely... ho hum. You must have lost it pretty spectacularly for them to be calling the police on you.

The policeman (albeit with the tact of a brick) was probably trying to help you out and find a reason for your behaviour (and support if required). Yeah he fucked up if he worded it how he did - but still, he could have just gone in all guns blazing and found something to hang on you.

By the way - your baby's probably crying and disturbing the "selfish bitches" next door too... but this isn't an "am I being unreasonable" this belongs in the hidden sister forum "tell me I'm right... I'm right... tell me that I'm right please... I'm not right lah lah lah lah I can't hear you"

I think your anger mght be a little misplaced. You have no idea what the neighbours have told the police - if theyactually were trying to stir up a shitload of trouble, they may well have spun all sots of stories about you - the policeman who came out to you may well have expected to meet someone who was constantly behaving in a totally batshit crazy manner.

I can completely see why it would be frustrating that, despite having raised the issue loads of times, nothing seems to be improving vis a vis the neighbours' behaviour. Was the policeman's comment the last straw because it made you feel as though even the police thought you were "to blame" and by extension you felt that they had sided with the neighbours?

Oh ffs, I was offended by these replies until now. No one is listening to a word I'm saying.

I did not ever say I was going to make a complaint! That was someone else and then somehow that got turned around on me! I wouldn't make a complaint. I'm pretty pissed off that these girls are wasting police time and I don't have any wish to bother them any more. I'm quite aware that they are under a lot of financial strain and could do without getting involved in incidents like this.

My point is that post-natal depression is something to be treated sympathetically and not like this!!! Jesus, the inflection and the tone of his voice when he said post-natal depression implied he thought it was a bad thing. I can't spell it out any clearer than that!

I have spoken to them politely! In one of the ONE HUNDRED times in the past that they have kept us awake or woken us up. After NINE MONTHS I shouted at them and I didn't go round there to do it either. They came to my front door and then wouldn't leave despite me asking them to!

I'm not asking people to blindly agree with me but don't have a go if you aren't going to listen to what I'm saying.

OP - I am sympathetic. It seems strange to me that so many people don't consider being able to sleep at night as a basic expectation. Of course babies may cry and disturb people - but that is a very different thing from adults being deliberately/inconsiderately loud. People live in communities and should be considerate, otherwise everyone's life becomes unpleasant. That means some restrictions on behaviour. I don't have a strong opinion on the policeman - i think the question itself is not wrong, but it all depends on 'how' it was said, which is hard to convey. And I understand it was very annoying to have it implied that you may be the one at fault, when clearly you're not. I would certainly complain to the university. And thank goodness the landlord has agreed not to renew. Hope your new neighbours are better ones.