To this this policeman was being really rude?

[zedfaca]

We've been having problems with our neighbours for the last nine months. They scream at the tops of their voices constantly. They woke me up in the middle of the night all the time when I was pregnant and now they're disturbing my very young baby by waking him up when he's trying to nap etc. They have woken us up or kept us awake more than 100 times. We've tried talking to them but apparently asking them not to scream right next to our bedroom is against their human rights. We've spoken to their landlord, their university and the council and no one can get through to them that they're the ones in the wrong. Luckily they won't be allowed to renew their contract and will be moving out soon.

Anyway, I'd just managed to get my baby to sleep for the night when they started doing it again and woke him up. I banged on the wall to tell them to be quiet. Then they came round and knocked on our door to tell me to stop harassing them!!! Well, I flipped out and started screaming at them to go away and telling them that they're ruining our lives and called them a pair of selfish bitches.

They went back in their house and then called the police who came round to talk to me about threatening them! We told the policeman that we'd tried everything under the sun to resolve the situation but nothing has worked.

The policeman then asked me if I had post-natal depression! It wasn't a routine question, he said it like he thought I problems. I was so offended, I didn't even know what to say. I've got no issues at all, my health visitor said that she thought I was a brilliant mum the last time she was here. I feel so upset that he would ask me that. I just think it's horrible. I mean, how many times would anyone let their baby be woken up by idiots before they got angry?

I mean, if I didn't have a baby would he think it was ok to accuse- it was an accusation the way he said it- me of being depressed?

Am I alone in thinking this is really out of order?

zedfaca, stay away from AIBU. It brings out some of the harsher sides of MN. It has a register that the rest of the site doesn't. I appreciate the honesty of it, but the tone (especially in situations like this where an exhausted and upset new mother is desperate) is quite damaging.

Honestly, I preferred this place before AIBU had its own sanctioned area. It's not the place for support or advice really. It's even got a warning at the top of it. AIBU is bloody funny when the subject matter's right, but I would never, ever post in it for support.

Do stay, hide aibu for a while and come and chat elsewhere.

I was a bit cross when everyone started demanding that I didn't make a complaint when I didn't even say I was going to! Crumbs, I think he should've been a lot more tactful about his line of questioning but the poor guy doesn't deserve to have a complaint made about him. I think that it is probably the most likely suggestion that he was just annoyed with the situation himself and that came across in his tone of voice. I didn't think about that at the time but I was still shaking with anger at the cheek of those bloody girls.

I was nice to the policeman though! I told him I didn't think it was a very nice thing to ask but we were both very polite to him. I would've offered him a cup of tea but you know health and safety these days, he wouldn't have been allowed to drink it. My husband is always being offered biscuits by old ladies and it about kills him to turn them down but he has to.

Is it a job-related rule that your DP can't eat the biscuits?! (sorry, off-subject, I know, but strangely fascinated!)

Of course Police Officers eat biscuits and drink tea

Well, I think he does eat the home made biscuits sometimes but he isn't supposed to. It's some silly rule like he isn't insured to eat biscuits or something. He goes to these old or very sick peoples houses with equipment for them so they can still live at home and some of the old ladies spend all morning making shortbread and cakes for him to say thank you. Some of them are in tears because they're so grateful and let me tell you, my husband is a sucker for biscuits!

How strange the UK is these days, that someone would not be allowed to eat biscuits because of 'Elf and Safety.

:o

Do stay, Zed. It is a good place really. As SOH said, stay away from AIBU for a bit - or just lurk - and find your feet.

I had a rather cheeky policeman story ready, but the thread was already a bit heated so didn't tell it. Could share now, if you want.

:) at not being insured to eat biscuits! I might call my insurer and ask if i can add a biscuit clause. it is a mad mad world we live in. sounds like your DP does a very worthwhile job zedfaca, hope he gets satisfaction from it.

oh and mmeLindt, a cheeky policeman story is just what i need now to help me procrastinate a bit longer. do share.

Yes I'd love to hear your policeman story. I've been feeling proper down in the dumps today.

I came on this forum from another one because they were all a bit... Oh how can I describe it... A bit too flowery and my angel child and all this. Feel like I've come out of the flower garden and into a bull ring! I wanted some straight talking but whoa!

Ha! Yes, a halfway house between flower garden and bull ring is probably what we need :)

Ok, wouldn't want anyone to have to do some housework.

A couple of weeks ago my DH came home from a business trip and could not find his iPhone. I suggested that if I were to call it, then we would hear it ringing and be able to locate it. When I rang his number, someone picked up the call, saying only, "Bonjour".

I was surprised and asked who was speaking and was told it was the Police of Geneva airport, and that my DH's phone had been found. I asked if he could speak English (as my French is not great) and he said, "It depends".

"On what does it depend?", I asked bemused.

"Are you blonde?" replied the Policeman.

:o

He then continued the conversation, calling me "Lady" the whole time. It was rather surreal.

"Well, I flipped out and started screaming at them to go away and telling them that they're ruining our lives and called them a pair of selfish bitches"

Well faced with that I'm not sure that his question was rude. It does make you sound a little unreasonable regardless of the back story,

I feel really bad for you OP and I'm sorry if I was a bit harsh with what I posted yesterday. Thing is when thingsa re typed out rather than said verbally it isn't always clear how people intend to come across IYSWIM.

FWIW when I had 2 officers come round to deal with my "domestic" the one who enquired about the PND was lovely and very understanding. His collegue not so much. Way some of them are ime.

Just think of the celebration you can have when these 2 bitches (and yes I agree they do sound horrible) move out!

Ahhh. good I've read further.

That is a cheeky policeman! That must be how they do it on the continent! Did you get the phone back?

Yes, we did. I waited till DH got home, then asked him what the policeman looked like. DH said he was quite attractive. Maybe should have went myself to pick up phone.

In an ideal world I guess I would have reacted differently but I was super pissed off. I don't often get really angry but this just tipped me over the edge! Then the icing on the cake was this PND question and then being asked things like, why don't you move house? Well let's be sensible, this is a normal street with a lot of children on it. They have student halls if you want to live next to like minded people. This isn't even anywhere near their university!

Oh very nice! I tell you what, I wouldn't have minded if this policeman had been a fireman. A fireman could've called me whatever he liked and I wouldn't have complained!

I don't think the policeman was rude to ask that question. Presumably you had confirmed to him that you had shouted at your neighbours. I think it would be an entirely reasonable question for him to ask since he was efectively trying to get to the bottom of whether something that had been reported as harassment or a public order offence was in fact what it had been presented as and, if so, whether it would be necessary for him to take further action.

However, yanbu to be at the end of your tether. I don't see why people are suggesting, on the face of what you have posted, that the shoe might be on the other foot in some way. If they have been this loud, and if they have threatened you, then they certainly need no sympathy.

Just look forward to them leaving.

Oh god you would only have to spend two minutes with these girls to realise what a horrible pair they are. I don't know how they even got in to university! They shout things like, "We don't care about no baby why don't you get him ear plugs (seriously!!!) you are affecting my human rights and I've got a levels innit so I know my rights and you wouldn't get away with this where I'm from". I think the most stable person in the world would get wound up hearing drivel like that.

I just really didn't like the implication that if I had post-natal depression, that would automatically put me in the wrong or mark me as any more likely to go around causing trouble than anyone else. And then there's the issue of how sensitive a new mum can be. Any vague criticism or concern about how you're coping feels like a bit of a slap in the face.

from Scurryfunge - "Of course Police Officers eat biscuits and drink tea"

its in the rules!

(have to say i dont....i would never leave the station and be the size of a blimp by now! but we do have to provide buns for briefing, if late!)

i agree with SOH actually and if you are feeling sensitive AIBU isnt the place to post...

Zedfaca, im sorry you had a bad experience OP but what i found objectionable was the ease at which people bay for complaints to be made, whether reasonable or not, because its the police. Some people are very anti police and will jump at a chance to make a complaint regardless of whether its justified or not, and i know that i strive as hard as i possibly can to help people, facing some pretty awful things and it is pretty demoralising to realise that some people will use any spurious grounds to drop you in it because they dont like the uniform, but thats the job now i guess.

i would say that while some compaints are justified (yes of course you get good and bad in any job) many are not, and are simply made because the complainant hasnt got their own way, regardless of the legalities involved.

Do you know for a fact that he was asking the PND question in the context in which you have taken it? did he say " people with PND are crazy and hormonal and automatically puts you in the wrong" as you state? are you sure it was criticism at all? I have asked this in domestic cases, not to cast doubt on the complainant at all, not to infer anything at all, but to ensure that the woman gets some support and treatment and understanding. I have never seen PND in any case i have dealt with as a child protection issue (re birds posts earlier) but i have asked it and with very good reason.

i would try to hang on to the fact that these neighbours are going and this grief will end, and for the meantime try and keep out of each others way.

I really wouldn't dream of making a complaint about him. No situation is ever black and white and I have no way of knowing what exactly he was thinking and I bet he probably isn't 100% sure what he thought. Um, from the best of my memory the conversation went something like

Me- (after explaining the last nine months of trouble) I told them both to go away and they refused. They started laughing and asked me why I was harassing them by knocking on their wall. At this point I saw red and shouted at them to leave us alone and told them they were ruining our lives with their constant screaming and that they were disturbing my son again. Then they started laughing again like they were having a grand old time of it and I called them both a pair of selfish bitches and slammed the door.

Him- Have you got a hv?

Me- Not a specific one, no. Why?

Him- Maybe you're struggling to take care of your son. I think you should contact your HV because it sounds like you have post-natal depression.

Me- total silence because I'm completely flabbergasted!!

Me- I don't think that's a very nice thing to say to someone

If the conversation had been along the lines of asking me if I had any other issues that I needed support with then fine but to outright try and diagnose me like that and on that basis just seems wrong

I know a lot of people were very rude about this but I'm still really struggling to put it out of my mind. I haven't stopped thinking about it since it happened and it's been making me feel terrible. So I've been analysing everything I do and feeling like I mustn't get upset because then somehow this man might turn out to be right. Anyway, I was just getting my son dressed this morning and burst into tears. He has nice clothes, the house is clean, he's a very healthy weight, he's doing really well laughing and rolling over and all this, we go out all the time... Why do I deserve to be made out like I'm a bad mum and I can't cope? These girls came round looking for trouble and yes they got it because they wouldn't go away and i've just had enough of them. The policeman even said he could see that they weren't making a serious complaint and he looked fed up at being called out. But they're in their house laughing and causing more noise last night and I get asked if I've got post-natal depression and am I coping and is there anyone who can come and help me with him for an hour to give me a break! It's just not fair. It's hard enough trying to do everything perfectly for a new baby without having people say things like that. I just can't stop crying and that's only making me feel paranoid!

OP - what I'm wondering though is how bad can they be, when there are only two of them? Admitted, they shout but it doesn't sound from the way you describe it as much more than young women's high spirits. You haven't described them having loud parties or playing loud music or having loads of people around. All you have said is that it is their voices and laughing, in their own home. So while you obviously don't get on with each other, I kind of struggle to accept that its nothing more than the fact that you don't like each other. From the way you describe it, they have retaliated to what they find unreasonable demands with sarcasm and because they feel threatened. You can't just expect people to live in silence because it suits you. People do make noise when they live in a house.

My apologies if I sound unsympathetic, but I've had unreasonable neighbours in my time, despite being just about the quietest person on earth. I once had a neighbour who complained about the noise of my footsteps on the stairs, and asked me to take off my shoes if I came in after 11pm at night!