To this this policeman was being really rude?

[zedfaca]

We've been having problems with our neighbours for the last nine months. They scream at the tops of their voices constantly. They woke me up in the middle of the night all the time when I was pregnant and now they're disturbing my very young baby by waking him up when he's trying to nap etc. They have woken us up or kept us awake more than 100 times. We've tried talking to them but apparently asking them not to scream right next to our bedroom is against their human rights. We've spoken to their landlord, their university and the council and no one can get through to them that they're the ones in the wrong. Luckily they won't be allowed to renew their contract and will be moving out soon.

Anyway, I'd just managed to get my baby to sleep for the night when they started doing it again and woke him up. I banged on the wall to tell them to be quiet. Then they came round and knocked on our door to tell me to stop harassing them!!! Well, I flipped out and started screaming at them to go away and telling them that they're ruining our lives and called them a pair of selfish bitches.

They went back in their house and then called the police who came round to talk to me about threatening them! We told the policeman that we'd tried everything under the sun to resolve the situation but nothing has worked.

The policeman then asked me if I had post-natal depression! It wasn't a routine question, he said it like he thought I problems. I was so offended, I didn't even know what to say. I've got no issues at all, my health visitor said that she thought I was a brilliant mum the last time she was here. I feel so upset that he would ask me that. I just think it's horrible. I mean, how many times would anyone let their baby be woken up by idiots before they got angry?

I mean, if I didn't have a baby would he think it was ok to accuse- it was an accusation the way he said it- me of being depressed?

Am I alone in thinking this is really out of order?

Did you see the bit where I put that they were ready to fight me when I was pregnant or where they suggested I buy ear plugs for a newborn baby? They make an unholy amount of noise. We have lived in this house for years and had about five sets of students live there including one who was studying music and listened to it a lot. We've always been very friendly with previous neighbours and used to get invited over by them. The only thing we've asked is that they don't scream in their bedroom. Or am I missing something and screaming in your bedroom in the middle of the night really IS in the geneva convention?

Wow there are such cynical and mean people in the world. What's that saying, trick me once shame on you, trick me twice shame on me. Well this time it's shame on me, I guess. I really won't be visiting this site again now. I just feel like I've lost all my confidence since this incident and I'm really started to doubt myself. Some people don't mind when they put the boot in though, do they?

Please stay zedfaca. AIBU can be a bit of a baptism of fire. Come over to Chat, it is much gentler and a lot of fun. No matter what point of view anyone has, you have had a horrid experience which has shaken you badly. You'll soon find that, in general, Mumsnet is a lovely, supportive place to be and a veritable fount of knowledge for anyone with a baby or child.

Actually, it's just a fount of knowledge really. From spot popping to organising a bun fight

Link to Chat

the police shouldnt have asked you this at all. it is none of their business, had you not a small baby i doubt they had asked if you were depressed in any way.

YANBU, you have awful neighbours, and after them waking you/your baby over 100 times you lost your temper (how you didn't before is what I can't understand!).

Anyone would be getting seriously pissed off at this point, even knowing that they will be leaving in the forseeable, so the question about pnd was irrelevant.

We had problems with our neighbours for a while when I was a kid. My Dad had a friend who was an electrician and for some peculiar reason we were able to flick a switch and turn the very loud pounding music off along with all their electricity. It stopped that side of things at times but didn't stop the feet stomping etc. It didn't stop them coming to the door and threatening to punch my Dad in front of me after his complaints went unheard and he went to the council. My Mum was nearing a break down when we were eventually able to move house and escape. Their new neighbours were very nice and all was happy for a while until the Dad came in drunk and set the kitchen on fire, causing smoke damage to both houses. He did this at least three times. Whilst I am glad no one was hurt I really do believe in karma! They obviously thought my parents were completely unreasonable expecting 2am to be a reasonable time to sleep without loud crashes and bangs and blaring music but I reckon they might have changed their minds after the third fire. So hang in there OP It was horrible and unquestionably hideous and affected our family life in a huge way. Therefore I understand why you feel the way you do. I think if you had posted this under something else apart from the 'policeman rude' you would have had a very different response. You didn't so you can't go back but this whole situation is not about him and what he asked you. Its what these disrespectful eejits are doing to you that is the root of the trouble. I think you should approach your hv about what is going on and see if you can get support from her/him. How much longer do you have to put up with them?

please please dont take offence at this - and its me again - but you say the neighbours noise nuisance has been getting to you and you have just had a baby and now youre saying you cant stop crying - is there just the smallest chance that you could be depressed at all? perhaps the PC just quite simply thought you could be? its not a criticism or a snipe in any way - but i do wonder given that youre ready to flounce from the forum and that you seem to be taking things very very much to heart when really, in the great scheme of things, the question itself is nothing to get offended at and the neigbours called the police about you - not the other way around.....and the neighbours are going arent they? the noise nuisance will be going, you should be cracking open the bubbly and celebrating them on their way out - but you still feel really down and upset - i am wondering if everything just has got on top of you - maybe even a little bit? could there be absolutely any way in which that police officer sensed this?

*depression
not depressions - im sure one is enough!

I knew I shouldn't have opened this thread again. Thank you to those of you who have taken the time to put yourself in my situation and listen to the details of my story. I really do appreciate it.

I don't need to ask the question are these girls being unreasonable. Yes, they are. They definitely, definitely are. My question was would you feel offended if you were automatically judged differently to everyone else because you had a baby.

There is a HUGE difference between depression and getting angry at two real idiots and then feeling very upset at having your parenting skills called into question over it. I'm trying really hard to take care of my son and I lose it one time and all of a sudden I'm depressed and I can't cope?

Flounce off?? No, I haven't been on Mumsnet before and didn't understand that this wasn't the place to come if you expected an iota of sympathy or understanding when you're upset. My mistake.

And yes, I feel very anxious and paranoid at the minute. Of course I do! Anyone would! And now I've just been haranged to shit over every detail of the whole thing and then had my explanations ignored! I honestly didn't realise this was the fucking village stocks else I wouldn't have poked my head through!

zedfaca it happens to many when they post in this section .

I wish posters would actually read what the OP is saying ...not what one poster has guessed at .

I have been where you are ,I know it is not fun .

I have noticed the posters that regularly whip up mischief on these threads ,all their 'mates' then feel it is fair game to have a dig too :(

There are wonderful people on here though ,that is why I came back after being very hurt .

Like others have said ,check out other sections ~not like this at all :)

Don't stress anymore .

Actually you haven't zedfaca. People have read your responses, and they have also responded to them.

I agree wholeheartedly that these girls are out of order and incredibly rude and unreasonable.

I do not agree that the policeman was out of order to ask you if you have PND. Under the circumstances it is both perfectly reasonable (given your behaviour, plus whatever these girls have said about you), and relevant (you have just had a baby).

I am very sorry that you feel that you have been harangued and misinterpreted. Reading the thread dispassionately I would say that, unfortunately, a lot of posters just plain disagree with you.

Take a step back. Come over to Chat and give Mumsnet and us another chance. AIBU is just that. You as a question and you get the truth as others see it. If the majority feel you are being unreasonable, then chances are, that you ARE being unreasonable.

It's only a chatboard. One with lots of invaluable advice and some truly lovely posters. But at the end of the day, if it is getting to you this much then you need to take a break.

I also think you are having a tough time of it atm and that it would be a good idea to have a chat with your HV or GP.

I'm stunned at the further suggestion that I'm the one with problems. How ridiculous. If I woke you up or kept your children awake, you would get angry. Maybe not the first time or the second time (although I think for many people it would be the first time) but at some point. I knocked on their wall because it was keeping my baby awake and then they tooled round to my house drunk to ask me why I is affecting their riaaaaaaaaaaghts (rights for normal people) innit because they thought that was funny. They wanted a confrontation, came round and refused to leave until they got one. Yes, I shouted at them. Most people would, especially after nine months of it. I'm not fucking Gandhi.

The day before, we went on a big family outing which was lovely. The only downer was that my husband refused to wear sun cream and burned his chest. We had a laugh about it later though. He thought he should put baby powder on it and I said baby lotion. THAT'S MY REGULAR LIFE WHEN I DON'T HAVE DRUNKEN TROUBLE MAKING STUDENTS ON MY DOORSTEP. I was told that I can't take care of my son and I'm really bloody upset about it. Then I accidentally compounded my upset by stumbling upon an internet forum which should really be called I Am Unreasonable, Line Them Up.

Zedfreca I think people just find it hard to believe that people would scream at the top of their voices for a prolonged period of time with absolutely no provocation. Do they have neighbours the other side? Could they join you in complaining about them?

I don't understand it either. I have videos of them doing it. In the video they are doing what I think is animal impressions while playing a card game but god only knows. They are a special breed. We haven't needed any evidence though for their landlord to refuse a new contract. He's refused it based on their attitude and the fact that their garden is now full of broken furniture. His broken furniture because the house came furnished. They have no respect for anyone or anything!

How is enquiring if you may have PND saying you can't look after your child?

Because he said, 'It sounds like you're struggling to take care of your son. Perhaps you have post-natal depression (unpleasant tone, like he'd said mad cow disease). I think you should contact your health visitor about it.'

They sound absolute nightmares. Personally, I think it's amazing you haven't resorted to screeching back at them before now.

A few years ago, someone in the house across the street from me went through a phase of opening all their windows facing into the street and putting rave music on full blast from midnight til 6am every night. That only went on for a few weeks, thank goodness, then several neighbours complained and the police went round and it hasn't happened since, so nowhere near as bad as what you've been through but I did feel awful from lack of sleep for a while so I sympathize.

Try to put it out of your head as far as possible and just look forward to them moving out. I hope your next neighbours have some consideration for others. Good luck and best wishes.

Thank you! You are very kind. I'm really glad you weren't bothered by your neighbours for long. And once again thank you to the people with supportive things to say! I did also appreciate the suggestions that maybe he'd had a hard day and didn't mean to come across like that.

zedfaca - I've been reading this thread and I can really sympathise with you. We were in a flat when DD was born and had a horrible drunken neighbour that we phoned the police on when the disruption got too much one night.
However, I think nearly all posters have sympathised with your predicament but feel the policeman was justified in asking the question about PND. Maybe his way of asking was insensitive or whatever but as others have said the girls may have told him all sorts of rubbish.
I don't think anyone is having a go at you, just disagreeing about his right to ask the question. . If his manner was insensitive or rude then that is unfortunate and unfair.

I was told that I can't take care of my son and I'm really bloody upset about it.

Did the policeman actually say that to you? That would be out of order if he did actually say that as he isn't a HCP.

I do think posters are genuinely just responding to the question you posed - Was the policeman out of order? None of us heard his tone or manner so we can't really comment on that, only on the question itself.

I'm glad your neighbours ar movng and I think you should focus on that

OK - X-post - I now see what the Policeman said.

However, these girls may have fed him all sorts of stories and that was possibly what he was commenting on. Not sure he should have said that in that way though?

Yes, he said it in the same breath as asking me about post-natal depression. Perhaps I should've mentioned that as my main point but I was more incensed at his attitude to PND. Like PND equals randomly and unreasonably shouting at your neighbours! When I was depressed, I don't think I would've had the energy to shout at anybody.

You could get really smart about evicting them by getting together with some other neighbours, your local pollie and the council. I know the council says there's nothing you can do, but contact an elected councillor rather than a council staff officer because they might be more helpful. The only downside is if the pair discover who initiated the eviction and it might have nasty consequences.

OP I personally think YANBU and understand where you are coming from after living in house shares in a small student populated corner of London. Actually when I read your OP I was going to ask if this was in South London because it sounds so much like my ex housemate and her girlfriend. But they wouldn't be as threatening as you have described.

I think in a moment when you are feeling totally at your wits end, I am not surprised you have taken so much offence to the police officers comment. It is as if you being upset may actually be due to some health issue you have as opposed to what you are having to deal with from your neighbours.

Don't take it too much to heart, he probably was insensitive but most likely going on the idea that the report having come from your neighbours would make them the victims. Especially if the neighbours talked a load of nonsense to the police to get them out there to begin with, which is highly likely.

They will be moving soon so take solace in that.