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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that some people would rather be

198 replies

goodbyemrschips · 02/05/2011 19:46

to think that some people would rather work all the hours they can and earn shed loads of money than earn less and spend quality time at home with the family or doing hobbies and having a relaxing time?

OP posts:
Southcoastsarah · 02/05/2011 21:32

yes some people would OP, and if thats their personal choice, they really have no business bringing poor kids into it

imo

K999 · 02/05/2011 21:36

I work. I don't have to. I like my job. I am am a mother. My kids are happy. End of....

Others make different choices. That's their business. Good for them.....

Birdsgottafly · 02/05/2011 21:47

OP if your still reading the replies-not everyone has the choice of an alternative job. For my husband it was work long hours or not at all (we used to look constantly for other work). We also bought our house at a similar time to yourself. My husband became ill, was mis-diagnosed so didn't get Incapacity benefit/DLA that he was entitled to. Neither did our sickness protection policies kick in. We lived in poverty for a while. When he died i had to work long hours to get back on my feet and re-qualify myself. We all live different lives in very different parts of the country, and if you live in an area that gives you choice, you are lucky.

peppapighastakenovermylife · 02/05/2011 21:53

southcoastsarah - why not? Do children need both parents there 24/7 to be happy? What makes them 'poor'? Until very recently (well recently in terms of history) fathers would have worked very long hours and although the mother would have been home she would have kicked the children out to entertain themselves...

worldgonemad72 · 02/05/2011 22:09

i work over 40 hrs a week for minimum wage, well a few pence over, Id like work less hours but would probably get slated for being on benefits, cant win in either situation.

HellNoSayItAintSo · 02/05/2011 22:12

another whine whine whine about other peoples poor children. Major fucking yawn.

AllDirections · 02/05/2011 22:29

OP, why have children if you're going to send them to school? If you home educate then you can spend more quality time with them.

BlingLoving · 02/05/2011 23:16

"Yep, I do think it's weird to want to spend 55 hours a week away from a young child if you don't NEED to."

Took me a while to get back here (living my life and all that) - I find it weird that my choices can be "weird" to some people. Don't you have better things to do? Alongside continuing to work when mat leave us over, you will probably be shocked to hear I plan to do other things without ds, increasing the time I spend away from him.

I will be with him lots, but my life can't be just about my family, whether that's the man I chose to marry or the child I chose to have.

northerngirl41 · 02/05/2011 23:19

Some people are better parents because they feel fulfilled by their work - YABU.

CheerfulYank · 02/05/2011 23:28

YABU, and though it pains me to admit it because I don't like you, YANBU a bit.

I think if both parents work, say, 70 hours a week that it is a bit excessive. Yes, I'm aware you may like it, but your children probably don't.

On the other hand, working full time is certainly no crime. I work part time, myself, and will probably give that up if DH and I ever have another DC. But I'm a lazy sort who likes to potter around, bake muffins, etc. Not everyone is like this and that's fine. I have a good friend who works all hours for a radio station. She loves it, is excellent at it. I'd be rubbish. Her DH works part time to be home with their DD.

CheerfulYank · 02/05/2011 23:29

So, because that was a bit vague, I agree with you to a point .

CheerfulYank · 02/05/2011 23:30

Also it was childish of me to say I didn't like you. I apologize.

needanewfocus · 03/05/2011 09:19

"I find it weird that my choices can be "weird" to some people."

Really? I have two children, I know how I'd feel about both me and DH spending 55 hours a week away from them. I think it's weird that you could be so disocciated from your own small children that you'd be happy to do that. Don't you enjoy being with your child at all? Or do you only like doing it in bite sized pieces? A little hobby to fit in around the main even of your career?

Original poster
goodbyemrschips · 03/05/2011 09:59

A LITTLE HOBBY TO FIT AROUND THE MAIN EVENT OF YOUR CAREER.

I like that.

I am sorry you don't like me cheerful yank.....by the way who are you I don't think I know you.?

OP posts:
noncuro · 03/05/2011 10:33

What about people who have important jobs where other people, not just their children, depend on them? My best friend's dad is a surgeon and lives abroad, obviously she's grown up now but when she was younger she only saw him a day or two a week. She knows that the people he treated, in an area where there is little medical treatment, needed him as much as she did.

I would think lots of jobs could fit into this category.

My mum worked all hours and all countries, in a company she's been in since she was 16 and worked her way up. If she hadn't done that I wouldn't have been able to go to uni and my sister wouldn't have had a lot of the help she's needed when unwell. I'm the first one to go to uni, but it means I will be able to get a good job and work a bit more on my own terms. So while I missed my mum a bit while I was younger I'll always be incredibly grateful to her for working as hard as she did, and it'll be my children that will feel the benefits.

BlingLoving · 03/05/2011 12:02

"Don't you enjoy being with your child at all? Or do you only like doing it in bite sized pieces? A little hobby to fit in around the main even of your career"

I don't usually take offense on MN threads but this is intolerable. How dare you, knowing nothing about me make assumptions about how important my family are to me. I an out at work a lot yes, for multiple reasons including lifestyle and personal satisfaction but screw you if you think therefore that my family is just s little hobby. I don't judge you for being 2 dimensional and only having your family in your life so piss off with your judging of me.

VinegarTits · 03/05/2011 13:10

christ no, one weekend out of two is enough time spend with my lot, i go to work for a nice break

peppapighastakenovermylife · 03/05/2011 13:35

Why does going to work mean you are disassociated from your own children? Confused

Are fathers who go out to work also disassociated in this way?

What about children going to school? They are there about 35 hours a week ish. Why is this ok but it is not ok to work?

VajazzHands · 03/05/2011 13:37

Not read all of the thread ,but if you mean people who work all the hours god sends because they are very busy and very important I suppose I agree with you. I used to nanny for people who were very busy and very important and because they were very busy and important they had to spend all their time working or flying to somewhere to work. Or attending something for people who are very busy and important. I spent all my time with their children and I did sometimes wonder if it was worth it for them to not have a clue about their kids.. or to not get up with them in the mornign or be there to put them in to bed at night. Money wasnt an issue and either of them could have taken a step back if the want was there but neither had the inclination.

At the end of the day their children will be the deciding factor in if they made the right decision. If your parents have no time for you as a child... you won't have time for them as an adult..

xstitch · 03/05/2011 14:08

I have a partner, he doesn't live with me,his work is a few hundred miles away. If he left his job to move here he would earn 100% less, ie £0.00. Spending time with your children isn't going to happen if they are taken off you because you are sleeping on the streets is it? I would loose my flat trying to support him as well, things are tight enough as it is.

CurrySpice · 03/05/2011 14:12

How do you know that people who work long hours would "rather" be there than at home>

Pinkjenny · 03/05/2011 14:15

I hate these threads. They are just designed to make others feel guilty about their choices. Vile.

Pinkjenny · 03/05/2011 14:15

But I agree with Vinegar. So shoot me.

TandB · 03/05/2011 15:07

What a lot of sanctimonious, spiteful crap being talked by some people on this thread.

People do things differently. Get over it. Rubbishing other family's choices does not make you a better parent or a better person. Only your own choices can do that.

I am rather entertained by the poster who got no response from her allegations of weirdness so promptly upped the anti with 'oops I meant neglectful'.

Some people are clearly looking for a rise and happy to come out with childish, trite insults to get it.

Personally, I am proud of our family and the choices we have made and I find it a little odd that some people would waste time trying to pick and paw over those choices to claw an insult out of them.

Original poster
goodbyemrschips · 03/05/2011 17:23

What a lot of sanctimonious, spiteful crap being talked by some people on this thread

It is mumsnet you know, did you think you were somewhere else?

OP posts: