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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm siding with the neighbours and going against DH (Cats)

209 replies

CoveredInPaint · 02/05/2011 16:12

three years ago dh secretely agreed to let dsd have a cat. He knew I didn't like them but god forbid his dd get told no so she bought this kitten, hid it in her room for 3 days and when I eventually found out about it (heard it scratching the door and thought we had mice!) I told DH she had to get rid. I was made out to be the wicked step mother, was told I couldn't possibly make her get rid of her new pet as she would be heart broken etc etc and in the end I just gave up but it caused me a hell of a lot of upset as I REALLY did not want a cat in the house and it upset me the way my feeling just pushed aside as usual.
So anyway we've had the cat 3 years and it annoys me so much. It has wrecked the living carpet scratching at it, clawed a brand new sofa on the day I bought it. Has shit in the house on a number of occassions, has scratched doors, dug up my flowers, killed birds/frogs/mice in the garden. One time it was "playing" with a baby robin in the garden and DSD was stood there saying "yeah! good girl! you're so clever!" ffs the baby bird must have been in agony.

So anyway 2 weeks ago the cat came home with paint all over its feet. Somewhat confused but just assumed it had been somewhere it shouldn't have been (again). A couple of days later it came home with a note stuck to its collar in cellotape saying "I would appreciate it if you could keep an eye on your cat as it has recently ruined paint work, dug up my wifes flowers (which she spend hours planting) and entered our house where my 3 month old daughter was sleeping. Thank You. Your neighbour".

I showed the note to DH and he said the neighbour was a "stupid twat" and what could he be expected to do about the cat. I was infuriated because IMO you don't just buy a pet and then say "fuck everyone else". We argued over it. I said I agreed with the neighbour and he said "you would, you would agree with anyone over me". Hmm

This morning 2 different neighbours came to the door (obv decided to team up on it) and had a go at me about children finding cat shit in the gardens and a child's tend being clawed and ruined (our cat was actually seen doing it apparantly and in return had water chucked all over it). They said our cat was basically being a pain in the arse and if we didn't do something about it they would report us to the landlord.

I told them I agreed 100% with them, apologised and said I would be re-homing the cat asap.

Just text DH and he's gone off on one saying I'm out of order and the cat will be left alone "or else".

AIBU to insist on the cat rehoming?

OP posts:
belgo · 02/05/2011 16:15

Gosh how difficult.

Your dh was very wrong to go against your wishes and get a cat.

On the other hand, I do not agree with shutting cats up indoors. Has the cat been spayed?

Original poster
CoveredInPaint · 02/05/2011 16:16

I don't agree with shutting it indoors either and I wouldn't tolerate it being under my feet 24/7 anyway tbh.

It is spayed though, yes.

OP posts:
pooka · 02/05/2011 16:19

Well...

YANBU for being cross that the cat was foisted on you.

However I'd be interested to know what your neighbours seriously (aside from rehoming Hmm) expect you to do to modify cat behaviour.

And is your cat the only one in the neighbourhood? We have loads round here and I'd be hard pushed to blame one cat for any damage. And would prob think "it's only a cat" rather than branding it a delinquent.

nijinsky · 02/05/2011 16:19

Your neighbours are certainly YABU. The cat is behaving in a normal way to be expected of cats. Aside from the issue that they are human and more able to keep a cat out of their house than the cat is to suppress its natural instincts to explore, animals do shit. Yes, its unpleasant but thats life. I don't have cats myself but never get shit from neighbour's cats in my gardens because I pet them and hence they consider my garden part of their territory. Anyway, how do they know its your cat's shit?

Otherwise, its up to you. You were against the cat in the first place. YABU only insofar as I think people who seem to hate animals and want to live in an antisceptic world and bring up their children the same are only somehow leading half a life. Ditto people who think animals are disposable items.

Perhaps you and your neighbours would gain more from challenging your perceptions of your control over your environment - e.g. spending a week's holiday on a working farm?

Shakirasma · 02/05/2011 16:20

YANBU.

Whilst your DH should never have got the cat without your agreeing to it, you are condeming the animal for behaving exactly like a cat. How do you expect it to behave? It's a cat!!!

I think it's a shit reason to want to get rid. A non reason. Good on your OH for refusing, as sticking by the responsibility he made to it when he bought it.

In fact I don't even know if I believe tou about the neighbours. Everyone knows owners cannot control their cats, literally or legally. I find it hard to believe they ganged up on you about cat shit knowing full well you could not do anything a out it. It's what cats do.

Seems like you don't like DSD much either. Perhaps you should regime yourself?

Original poster
CoveredInPaint · 02/05/2011 16:20

No there are tons of them, we get them in our garden too all the time, it pisses me right off tbh. Apparantly though a number of neighbours agree that ours is the one that always seems to be causing the damage (which I can totally believe tbh). We now have a child's tent to pay for.

OP posts:
Shakirasma · 02/05/2011 16:21

Sorry, meant YABU

FabbyChic · 02/05/2011 16:21

Did you ever get permission from the landlord to have a pet?

Can you say your landlord has told you you have to get rid of it?

I can't abide cats and would never have one.

Your partner needs to understand that if you have complaints lodged against you it could be you lose your rented accomodation, a lot of landlords do not allow cats or dogs.

fruitshootsandheaves · 02/05/2011 16:22

Buy all your neighbours water pistols and tell them they are welcome to squirt it if they see it in their gardens.
agree with pooka in that they can't be sure that everything they are accusing the cat of is down to the one cat.
Does it have a litter tray? That should stop it pooing as much in other people's gardens.

belgo · 02/05/2011 16:23

It does sound as though your dh doesn't know much about cats if he thought he could buy a cute kitten and keep it hidden from you.

pjmama · 02/05/2011 16:24

Take it for rehoming while they're all out and pretend it ran away? Wink

Seriously though, I would be passing all the disgruntled neighbours on to your DH to deal with. His idea, his cat, his problem.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 02/05/2011 16:24

Rehome your DH - problem solved.

zukiecat · 02/05/2011 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clayre · 02/05/2011 16:27

Yanbu about your husband getting the cat without telling you

Yabu and so is the neighbors about the cats behavior that's what they do, it's only being a cat, get it a collar and a bell that's quite loud so the neighbors hear it coming and second the water pistols, once it's been sprayed a few times it will stay out their gardens!

BelleDameSansMerci · 02/05/2011 16:29

If I were your DSD, I would absolutely consider you an evil stepmother if you got rid of my cat.

I think YABU. It's a cat and, as you've said there are loads around, I don't see how you can be so certain that it's your cat doing all the damage. I think this is just a convenient way for you to get rid of it.

Meow75 · 02/05/2011 16:29

Cats are considered, in the legal sense, to be free agents (unlike dogs who are "owned"). Not surprisingly though, if there is evidence that they are deliberately cruel, then the RSPCA can investigate them.

As a result of this, none of your neighbours have any legal recourse although a complaint to a landlord can cause unpleasantness for the tenants. Your neighbours can spray the cat with a plant sprayer type bottle filled with water, which will discourage the cat from their garden, providing they do it often enough.

As far as this cat is concerned - has it been taught to use a scratching post? Ours hadn't when we adopted them, but it didn't take long to train them, and it's saved much of our furniture in the last 13 years.

I am a big fan of cats, and fortunately my husband was neither for or against them, so now we have them. But we probably wouldn't have three if he wasn't in love them as much as me now.

breatheslowly · 02/05/2011 16:32

YANBU - I would be so pissed off if a cat shat in our garden and if it could damage a tent then it could really scratch a child too. Check your tenancy agreement to see if you are at risk of losing your home. Your DH appears to have no respect for you or your neighbours.

edam · 02/05/2011 16:32

Grin at Chipping's suggestion of re-homing dh.

Otherwise agree with everyone else, your dh was BU to get a cat without your agreement but the neighbours are equally BU. We have to share this planet with other animals and the cat is just being a cat. Birds, mice, hedgehogs and loads of other animals shit in their gardens too. Although the paint must have been irritating! Buy them water pistols and give them permission to squirt.

pooka · 02/05/2011 16:34

a cat is very unlikely to use a child as a scratching post though given that children.... move. and aren't rigid. and make noise.

IronOrchid · 02/05/2011 16:35

Tell the neighbours to get some cat deterrent spray for the garden. If they still moan, tell them to bugger off - cats poo, so tough shit ('scuse the pun).

Rehoming the cat will likely cause dsd much grief, no matter how much you dislike it (the cat, not the dsd...although I get the distinct feeling you do have slight resentment of dsd from the tone of your post). Put her feelings before the neighbours. She's the kid, and one with a much-loved pet, after all.

southmum · 02/05/2011 16:39

I think your neighbours / you are exaggerating about ASBO-Cat

lubeybooby · 02/05/2011 16:40

I second what Shakirasma said. YABU and your neighbours are BU too (totally, totally unreal in fact! And you joined in with them! ARGH!! )

PLUS!! Your dh was also BU to go ahead and get the cat, but now you have you can't just rehome it. Poor thing. Sorry, but you can't. Time to stop railing against it and suck it up I'm afraid.

GooGooMuck · 02/05/2011 16:44

I'm really fed up with my cat too. I won't get a new rug until it is dead.

But that means I will wait for a new rug. I took the animal on, and it is my responsibility.

breatheslowly a tent is not the same as a child Hmm My cat will rip my rug up but won't touch children.

OP how old is your SD? It sounds like you dislike her more than the cat (re: the baby bird thing) Is your problem with the cat transferred from your problem with the stepdaughter?

breatheslowly · 02/05/2011 16:44

Children will play with cats and cats do scratch when being played with. If I knew someone's cat was using my garden as a litter tray they would get the hose on them (unless they provided the water pistol) and if that didn't work then the poo would be delivered to its rightful owners.

zukiecat · 02/05/2011 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.