Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm siding with the neighbours and going against DH (Cats)

209 replies

CoveredInPaint · 02/05/2011 16:12

three years ago dh secretely agreed to let dsd have a cat. He knew I didn't like them but god forbid his dd get told no so she bought this kitten, hid it in her room for 3 days and when I eventually found out about it (heard it scratching the door and thought we had mice!) I told DH she had to get rid. I was made out to be the wicked step mother, was told I couldn't possibly make her get rid of her new pet as she would be heart broken etc etc and in the end I just gave up but it caused me a hell of a lot of upset as I REALLY did not want a cat in the house and it upset me the way my feeling just pushed aside as usual.
So anyway we've had the cat 3 years and it annoys me so much. It has wrecked the living carpet scratching at it, clawed a brand new sofa on the day I bought it. Has shit in the house on a number of occassions, has scratched doors, dug up my flowers, killed birds/frogs/mice in the garden. One time it was "playing" with a baby robin in the garden and DSD was stood there saying "yeah! good girl! you're so clever!" ffs the baby bird must have been in agony.

So anyway 2 weeks ago the cat came home with paint all over its feet. Somewhat confused but just assumed it had been somewhere it shouldn't have been (again). A couple of days later it came home with a note stuck to its collar in cellotape saying "I would appreciate it if you could keep an eye on your cat as it has recently ruined paint work, dug up my wifes flowers (which she spend hours planting) and entered our house where my 3 month old daughter was sleeping. Thank You. Your neighbour".

I showed the note to DH and he said the neighbour was a "stupid twat" and what could he be expected to do about the cat. I was infuriated because IMO you don't just buy a pet and then say "fuck everyone else". We argued over it. I said I agreed with the neighbour and he said "you would, you would agree with anyone over me". Hmm

This morning 2 different neighbours came to the door (obv decided to team up on it) and had a go at me about children finding cat shit in the gardens and a child's tend being clawed and ruined (our cat was actually seen doing it apparantly and in return had water chucked all over it). They said our cat was basically being a pain in the arse and if we didn't do something about it they would report us to the landlord.

I told them I agreed 100% with them, apologised and said I would be re-homing the cat asap.

Just text DH and he's gone off on one saying I'm out of order and the cat will be left alone "or else".

AIBU to insist on the cat rehoming?

OP posts:
pooka · 02/05/2011 17:51

I've also told neighbours that if our cats are causing a nuisance they should spray with hose. And they said same to us - every house here has at least one cat.

NulliusInVerba · 02/05/2011 17:54

Excuse me? Im an idiot? Why for not bieng happy about people spraying water over animals?

Some might be happy to let nosey anal neighbours attack their cats, I am not. and my neighbours know damn well I am not.

clayre · 02/05/2011 17:54

I have used the spray bottle on my own cats when the Xmas tree is up, it was the safest and easiest way to stop the tree landing on someone when she climbed up it!

SoupDragon · 02/05/2011 17:55

I do find it amusing that your neighbours think you can sit the cat down and give it a stern talking to.

ragged · 02/05/2011 17:57

yanbu. If I was the Landlord I'd be tempted to side against the cat, too.

Send your DH around to deal with the neighbours. Give the neighbours the environmental nuisance number on the sly.

Sorry (foreigner alert) but I don't go for this "It's a wild animal so I'm not responsible" crap. If it's a wild animal, then why can't the neighbour use the back side of a shovel to deal with it like they would dispose of a rat? (I AM NOT ADVOCATING THEY DO THAT, btw). The animal is your property, deal with it. Your household is responsible for it being in the locality in the first place. I'd be throwing pebbles at it if it was regularly leaving turds in my garden.

I like cats, I grew up with plenty. But I wouldn't impose any pet of mine with unpleasant habits on others' space.

VivaLeBeaver · 02/05/2011 17:58

I'd be more than happy for my cat to get squirted with water if it was annoying the neighbour. I think if someone "slapped" their neighbour for doing that they'd be up in court on an assualt charge.

pink4ever · 02/05/2011 17:58

OP-get rid(of dh and cat).
nullius-seek help.Immediately.As you are clearly a loon of the first order.

ChristinedePizan · 02/05/2011 18:00

takethisonehere - I'm a keen gardener and have a cat. My cat has a litter tray which she always uses. So there you are, one owner who does

Groovee · 02/05/2011 18:01

Rehome the cat and send dh as part of the package!!!

I despise cats because my mum had a cat who was very clever and jealous of me and would regularly scratch and bite me. Our neighbours cat wouldn't leave our rabbit alone, so they told me to spray a water gun at the cats. I have a jug for when the fox appears.

MrsKwazii · 02/05/2011 18:02

OP, YABU to jump on the first excuse to get rid of the cat. It's not fair on your DSD or the moggy. Your DH is an arse to have bought it when you'd said no, but that's a different problem.

What you can do though is act on the advice of other posters here - point any complaints to your DP and put him and your DSD on cat poo patrol.

Get the cat a great big scratching post and a litter tray - which should be the responsibility of your DH and DSD to keep clean - and the biggest bell you can find to limit hunting success. And - even though I'm also a cat owner - I'd agree with giving your neighbours water pistols/permission to spray the cat if it goes into their garden. I do this to my own cat, as have other neighbours with my full agreement. Always best to stay as friendly as possible with neighbours - even though they are also BU with their moaning and threats to tell landlord. Good luck!

takethisonehereforastart · 02/05/2011 18:05

ChristinedePizan That's great. I still don't think I can claim to know a cat owner that does this, but you've given me hope that the idea might be catching on.

edam · 02/05/2011 18:08

ragged - your threats are illegal and cruel. Try them out and you'll find yourself on the wrong side of a prosecution. And deservedly so.

clayre · 02/05/2011 18:09

One of my cats comes indoors to stink out her litter tray then goes back outside she's too much of a lady to poo outdoors!

The other 2 poo in the neighbours gardens but they don't seem to mind and feed them ham and chicken as a treat!

edam · 02/05/2011 18:10

Of course many cat owners provide litter trays, fgs! Who do you think is lugging home all that cat litter that supermarkets sell?

Nailitorelse · 02/05/2011 18:11

Interesting thread. Obviously a "town" cat. Here in the country, the local farmer would have shot such a nuisance long ago!

PregolaLola · 02/05/2011 18:22

loooooooove the idea of someone saying ' ASBO cat, a word please !'

NulliusInVerba · 02/05/2011 18:23

ha ha I find it funny that I am a loon when others have said such things as "My mum had a cat that was very clever and jealous of me and would regulary scratch and bite me"

Yes thats right, the evil moggy had it all planned out.

Look, if you have all told your neighbours they can do that to your cat, fair enough.
My neighbours know my cats are my babies and to hurt them will result in a very angry me. Not good.

NulliusInVerba · 02/05/2011 18:26

On another note, if im out in my garden with my friends having a nice relaxing BBQ, and your children are bieng noisy or kicking balls that land in my garden ect, am I then allowed to blast them in the face with cold water from a hose pipe?

They are annoying me, and disturbing my garden. Their ball may have even ruined my flowers Grin

pranma · 02/05/2011 18:27

Just to say that you are not liable for any damage done by your cat-its not like dogs.I have 2 cats who are much loved but I too advise neighbours to use water to chase them if necessary.I think your relationship with your dh sounds flawed to me.Does your dsd live with you?I'm not sure you deserve a cat to be honest.........it certainly doesnt deserve you.

zukiecat · 02/05/2011 18:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ragged · 02/05/2011 18:35

Wild nuisance animals get shot (foxes, rabbits) and poisoned (rats, squirrels). Quite routine.

NulliusInVerba · 02/05/2011 18:36

Yes zukiecat I have read some of your posts - we can be the cat loving "loons" !! Grin

ragged · 02/05/2011 18:36

I wasn't threatening any cat, I was stating that it can't be treated as a wild animal.

LostInSockLand · 02/05/2011 18:38

Your DH was definately out of order for getting the cat in the first place but what's done is done. I dont think it would be a good idea to rehome it, you'll break dsd's heart and she wont forget it.

Cats are very cruel to small creatures but they are just being cats, they dont know any better. (i've learnt this the hard way). I've never been impressed when my cats have brought me a "gift" either (yeah thanks, another dead bird). Cried for days when one of them managed to get at our gerbils Sad. But..they aren't in general actually evil towards humans (folks who dont like cats tend to think this for some reason!)

As for neighbours, from experience i've found that neighbours kids encourage and love to fuss the cats, until they're a bit too rough and get scratched, then it's running off to mum because the nasty cat scratched them. Cats dont tolerate being dragged around like some dogs do. I even had one neighbour who has a cat allergy and complained that my cat constantly tried to go in her house but admitted to feeding her tuna and giving her milk! I explained to her that the cat is very timid and was upset about our new kitten but would come back for food and get used to it if she stopped feeding her. She didn't listen and still feeds her but wont let her in the house so the poor 13 year old cat now lives under a tree in her garden.

I'm perfectly happy for anyone to spray my cats with water if they are being pains, and i've told them this. No more problems so far and i've had cats for many years.

Sirzy · 02/05/2011 18:38

i will squirt neighbours cats to get them out of my garden. I know they can't be kept in all the time (although my friends cat out of choice never leaves the boundaries on it's home) but that doesn't mean I am happy to have cats shitting in my garden when I made the choice not to have pets.

I would never harm one but happily scare it out of the garden.