Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm siding with the neighbours and going against DH (Cats)

209 replies

CoveredInPaint · 02/05/2011 16:12

three years ago dh secretely agreed to let dsd have a cat. He knew I didn't like them but god forbid his dd get told no so she bought this kitten, hid it in her room for 3 days and when I eventually found out about it (heard it scratching the door and thought we had mice!) I told DH she had to get rid. I was made out to be the wicked step mother, was told I couldn't possibly make her get rid of her new pet as she would be heart broken etc etc and in the end I just gave up but it caused me a hell of a lot of upset as I REALLY did not want a cat in the house and it upset me the way my feeling just pushed aside as usual.
So anyway we've had the cat 3 years and it annoys me so much. It has wrecked the living carpet scratching at it, clawed a brand new sofa on the day I bought it. Has shit in the house on a number of occassions, has scratched doors, dug up my flowers, killed birds/frogs/mice in the garden. One time it was "playing" with a baby robin in the garden and DSD was stood there saying "yeah! good girl! you're so clever!" ffs the baby bird must have been in agony.

So anyway 2 weeks ago the cat came home with paint all over its feet. Somewhat confused but just assumed it had been somewhere it shouldn't have been (again). A couple of days later it came home with a note stuck to its collar in cellotape saying "I would appreciate it if you could keep an eye on your cat as it has recently ruined paint work, dug up my wifes flowers (which she spend hours planting) and entered our house where my 3 month old daughter was sleeping. Thank You. Your neighbour".

I showed the note to DH and he said the neighbour was a "stupid twat" and what could he be expected to do about the cat. I was infuriated because IMO you don't just buy a pet and then say "fuck everyone else". We argued over it. I said I agreed with the neighbour and he said "you would, you would agree with anyone over me". Hmm

This morning 2 different neighbours came to the door (obv decided to team up on it) and had a go at me about children finding cat shit in the gardens and a child's tend being clawed and ruined (our cat was actually seen doing it apparantly and in return had water chucked all over it). They said our cat was basically being a pain in the arse and if we didn't do something about it they would report us to the landlord.

I told them I agreed 100% with them, apologised and said I would be re-homing the cat asap.

Just text DH and he's gone off on one saying I'm out of order and the cat will be left alone "or else".

AIBU to insist on the cat rehoming?

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsNincompoop · 02/05/2011 21:48

OP, where are you? Cat got your tongue?

NickRobinsonsloveslave · 02/05/2011 22:01

op am completely with you on this one. How could your DH be so insensisitive to just override your feelings and get a cat for 'spoilt'DSD?
As for cat annoying neighbours, well ,all I can do is tell you you prob. My neighbours ave a cat that treats my garden as its own personal toilet. Anyway, we had been having problems with mice so I put mouse poison down outside. Obviously stopped DCs going in the garden at same time.
A few days later same neighbour comes round complaining that I had poisoned his bloody cat with my mouse poison. I explained that I had put this stuff down to get rid of the mice, I could not be held responsible for HIS cat coming on MY property and somehow ingesting this mouse poison.
Although I must admit, it has been great at getting rid of the mice.

edam · 02/05/2011 22:05

Nick, that's horrible - did you kill the poor cat?

NulliusInVerba · 02/05/2011 22:06

Thats sick, dont think we cant see through your thinly vieled advice to poison the cat.

God help you if I was your neighbour.

catchmeifyoucan · 02/05/2011 22:13

Seriously now - there are adults (allegedly adults anyway) out there who think their cats are their babies?

Dear good God. How about a nice big cupful of boiling hot reality??

catchmeifyoucan · 02/05/2011 22:14

And incidentally - cats are considerably more of a nuisance than foxes or rats. People should be free to deal with them as they wish.

aurynne · 02/05/2011 22:16

I am actually quite offended that many of the posters are telling the OP what SHE should be doing to improve the cat's behaviour. Excuse me everyone, but that cat is the OP's DH and DSD's responsibility, not hers. So, her DH gets a cat without her knowing nor her approval, and now the person who has to pick up the poo, the dead animals, and deal with the neighbours is her? And she should buy a scratch post, and a bell, and give the neighbours water pistols? WHY???

The DH is the one who should be doing all this.

ChristinedePizan · 02/05/2011 22:19

I've never known cats to bite babies, strew dirty nappies over gardens or steal shoes, all of which foxes do.

This thread is horrible - full of people who want to murder pets. I regularly yell at my neighbours' cats for shitting in my garden and it annoys me but I don't want to kill them.

I'm beginning to think the OP is a troll anyway

NulliusInVerba · 02/05/2011 22:20

catchmeifyoucan if that comment refers to me, I do not think my cats are my babies, im not some wierdo who hasnt got children and instead pushes a moggy around in a pram.

Many people feel their pets are part of the family. We are not the wierd ones, people who hate animals are the wierd ones.
My cat is defenceless in the way that a small child is, when faced with big nasty bitter cat hating wierdo's. You may have the right to not like my cat, but you sure as hell dont have the right to hurt it.
And if anyone did, I would happily hurt them back. And call the police for them, I dont care. :)

bubblecoral · 02/05/2011 22:20

What else was Nick supposed to do to get rid of the mice?

She is entitled to put poison down in her own garden, just as a neighbour is entitled to have a cat. But if you are going to own a cat and allow it to go off and do it's own thing, you run the risk that some harm may come to it.

NickRobinsonsloveslave · 02/05/2011 22:20

No I did not intend to poison their cat, FGS. I used to have cats when I was younger. I am just saying that if you own a cat then YOU are responsible for it. I had to get rid of my mouse problem. I did not let my DCs into the garden while the baits were there. I am not responsible for other folks pets, if they come on my property, that is their problem.

ThatVikRinA22 · 02/05/2011 22:20

er, no.

cats are pets, and if you kill one deliberately you are liable to prosecution and rightly so.

people cannot go around killing other peoples pets because they see fit. what if i dont like dogs? or horses? am i able to deal with them as i wish? no. and rightly no. dont be so bloody stupid.

zukiecat · 02/05/2011 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lonnie · 02/05/2011 22:22

I have read this thread with interest..

OP your dh was VU to buy the cat with no thought to your feelings and I think you should show him this post so he can see how many agrees there.

However now you have the cat I am afraid you do need to deal with its behaviour rehoming it will not work imo.. (as will cause other issues) I like the suggestion of getting dsd and dh to deal with the fall out and I would also get them to go and give the water pistols to the neighbours.

This comment here

But..they aren't in general actually evil towards humans (folks who dont like cats tend to think this for some reason!)

I dont like cats I dont think they are evil however I think they are food prostitutes. They will go to whom ever can be bothered to feed them. For some unknown reason cats loves me so when I go to friends with cats the cat is rubbing itself all over me I do NOT think it is cute and I dont like getting cat hairs all over me. I push the cat off down on the floor. not in a mean way but consitently do so even the most determined cats eventually getes the idea with me (with one friends cat only until next time I show though)

I would be livid angry if my dh had pulled a stunt like op's had done Step kids or no step kids and I think OP has been more than fair in keeping the cat for that long.

I do not agree it is natural behaviour for a cat to walk into someone elses home. I have lived both in Country and town (inc London) where neighbours had cats and have never had this happen even when we lived in teresed housing with patio doors open most of summer months.. I think a neighbour whom had this happen is entitled to complain and be disatisfied.
OPS dh and dsd needs to go and appologise and generally take responsibility for what they brought in.

I find it interesting how many of the posters here have come down hard on OP about how awful a step mother she must be. I cant see how she is an awful step mother when she had such a stunt pulled on her the two of them ganging up on her ignoring her wishes deliberatly trying to deceive her and then she has proceeded to have the cat in her house for 3 years. to me thats a pretty good step mother..(No I am not one but I have experienced my fair share of step parents in my life time)

Sirzy · 02/05/2011 22:23

I'm not sure why nick is getting so much stick. He did nothing wrong in putting poison down in his own garden.

nijinsky · 02/05/2011 22:23

Does anyone else have a mental picture of a Rambo cat, dressed in flak gear and carrying a machine gun, going around terrorising families, breaking into houses, vandalising tents and assaulting children? This must be some cat. Hell, its not a cat, its a one member feline army!

IMHO theres a very close link between sociopaths and animal haters. Plus humans have made far more of a mess of this planet than all other animals put together. I don't think its asking too much to tolerate them when kept as pets who want more of a connection with the animal world than an otherwise entirely artificial existence far removed from nature or even the way our grandparents lived. I hate the sound of the place the OP lives in, she sounds like an animal hater, her neighbours sound derangedly intolerant and their poor children, other than DSS, incapable of coping with even small pet animals!

bubblecoral · 02/05/2011 22:23

People don't allow their dogs or horses to shit in other peoples gardens and destroy other peoples property. That is quite a significant difference.

Putting poison down to kill mice is not the same as deliberately killing someones pet.

catchmeifyoucan · 02/05/2011 22:24

LOL - I don't hate animals at all. I just hate cats and I'm not all that on the crazy blinkered types that keep them either!

nijinsky · 02/05/2011 22:25

"What else was Nick supposed to do to get rid of the mice?"

I would suggest looking out for her own housekeeping first, and not leaving out food waste that attract mice.

Failing which, she could have let the cat catch them?

Lets hope the dead mice didn't crawl into her house to die, or theres going to be an awful smell this summer.

zukiecat · 02/05/2011 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NickRobinsonsloveslave · 02/05/2011 22:26

Oh, so If have a mouse problem and try to sort it out. Yhat makes me wrong does it?
I should just put up with mice running all over the place in order to protect other peoples pets?

I followed the instructions on the mouse bait to the letter. It told me to not let children or pets near it. I have children so I kept them out of the garden. I do not have pets, so not my problem.

ThatVikRinA22 · 02/05/2011 22:27

i beg to differ if the enormous pile of dog shit i find in my front garden quite regularly is anything to go by

some bastard lets their dog shit in my garden

there is dog shit all over the local park. dogs are just as much of a pain.

i have 2 cats and a dog. i am a responsible owner, but not everyone is. where do you draw the line? am i able to poison this rogue dog then? ill go find the steak....

bubblecoral · 02/05/2011 22:28

Or, she could just put down poison, as she is perfectly entiltled to do on her own property.

I love lots of animals. I own a dog and have had other pets over the years. Doesn't mean I want to put up with other peoples animals being on my property.

razzlebathbone · 02/05/2011 22:28

Hahaha! Cats in prams, Rambo cats, food prostitutes, murderers, twats!

Welcome to suburbia.

NulliusInVerba · 02/05/2011 22:29

Lonnie laughing out loud and "food prostitutes" Grin

Yes nijinsky it has been well documented that animal haters are usually mentally damaged in some way.

And as for nick, it is very very clear from that post exactly what they meant. Mice my arse.