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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell ds9 he can't go in neighbour's garden now they have a swimming pool

542 replies

Bluesatinsashes · 01/05/2011 22:51

Been lurking for a while but this is my first thread. I'd like to know what you wise ladies think. Our back gardens are easily accessible, separated by hedges only so kids can run between gardens to play. DS is a good swimmer but we also have a dd3 who can't swim, so I've told them both they can't go next door but one anymore. DS understands my reasons but it's going to be hard for him when he has to say he can't go over, isn't it?

OP posts:
lynehamrose · 02/05/2011 00:55

Anna - do you actually think all the adults who enjoy a daily swim in warmer climates (like my grandfather) but who don't have someone to accompany/ watch them, are wrong?

Original poster
Bluesatinsashes · 02/05/2011 00:55

Gnome thanks yes wise words. Will chat to neighbours with pool (next-door but one) and also immediate neighbours about new safety measures. I think your right that it will be seasonal swimming only.

OP posts:
SpringchickenGoldBrass · 02/05/2011 00:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 02/05/2011 00:59

your three year old

ohnoshedittant · 02/05/2011 00:59

Anna - I don't think anyone suggetsed that the op's ds go swimming ALONE, just that it was ok for him to swim without parental supervision.

Personally, if he is a strong swimmer and is there with other strong swimmers then I'd let him go as long as the owners of the pool are 'around'. I wouldn't need them to sit watching the whole time.

If he gets cramp/bangs his head/has a fit or whatever, the other kids will be able to help him or at least yell for an adult.

Original poster
Bluesatinsashes · 02/05/2011 01:02

Springchicken - I don't. I did however badly word my op when I said 'I told them both'! It's just that 3 Yo was there when I said it.

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 02/05/2011 01:05

Bluesatinsashes - as a pool owner I would far rather that a parent came over for a chat than their DCs arrived ready dressed in swimmers with towel in hand (believe me, this happens!) just assuming that they can come and use the pool!

As DCs get older I think it is wise to reset the neighbourhood rules. What was acceptable at one age may not be so acceptable as DCs get older.

I hope that the conversation goes well.

annawintour · 02/05/2011 01:09

lynehamrose Mon 02-May-11 00:55:33 - did I say that? I think swimming alone is a risk - obviously an adult can make up their own mind. A child can't.

Does your grandfather live totally alone - does he not have neighbours that he speaks to ever?

I suppose it is a domestic pool and not too deep and your grandfather does not have any health conditions - for example if he suffered from asthma or epilepsy it would be more risk.

Now I think allowing a 7 year old to play near water and believe that as they can swim they will be able to get themselves out of trouble is nuts, absolutely crazy, what about currents? I wouldn't be comfortable with 7 years olds just swimming with each other, what if they are not all strong swimmers, what about panic situations, one 7 year old playing "lifeguard" to the other weaker members of the group.

annawintour · 02/05/2011 01:11

ohnoshedittant - oh dear you don't get it. Drowning can be a silent killer. It is not like the movies where there is a lot of noise. Unreal.

squeakytoy · 02/05/2011 01:14

Choking is a silent killer too Anna, and probably happens a hell of a lot more than drowning, but I dont suppose everyone supervises their children eating until they have left home either.

Life is a risk. There are dangers in everything we do, but if we all stayed at home reading parenting books and first aid manuals all day long, it would be a hell of a boring bloody life.

ohnoshedittant · 02/05/2011 01:20

'ohnoshedittant - oh dear you don't get it. Drowning can be a silent killer. It is not like the movies where there is a lot of noise. Unreal.'

Well if it's a silent killer and no-one would be able to help him anyway then why does he need supervision? He can drown silently being watched by a lifeguard, a parent, a grandparent, or another (strong swimming) child!

That's a really silly arguement!!

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 02/05/2011 01:23

One of the biggest causes of death or maiming in DC is road traffic accidents. So if you have cars, get rid of them now! Think of the children!

annawintour · 02/05/2011 01:23

Oh come on Squeaky - I never said Choking was not a killer, you can bring this up as well as walking across the street - but what we are talking about is preventable drownings. Just because other tragedies occur then this does not mean you should not be vigilant and try mitigate risks.

My previous post was in response to the post from ohnoshedittant , as someone who has done lifeguard training surely you are aware that this is the classic uneducated parent scenario -

Let's paraphrase the post for all the stupid assumptions made:

  1. I thought it was ok for him to swim without parental supervision.

  2. I thought he was a strong swimmer and that the other kids were strong swimmers (How exactly would you know how strong the other swimmers were as a parent?).

  3. I thought the owners were 'around' but I didn't expect them to sit watching the pool the whole time (well that is really setting standards?).

  4. I thought that if he got a cramp/banged his head/had a fit then the other kids would have helped out and he would have yelled for an adult.... (CLASSIC WRONG ASSUMPTION ABOUT DROWNING - THAT YOU GET LOTS OF WARNING)...

annawintour · 02/05/2011 01:27

....and I don't get your post springchicken are you saying that water safety does not matter? This is not a thread about car accidents is it?

ohnoshedittant · 02/05/2011 01:28

What age would you suggest a strong-swimmer should be allowed to swim without parental supervision?

ohnoshedittant · 02/05/2011 01:30

oh and also.....i didn't say the drowning child would yell for an adult....I meant the other kids in the pool....who would be likely to notice a body at the bottom of the (probably quite small) pool.

annawintour · 02/05/2011 01:32

assumptions assumptions assumptions.....

ohnoshedittant · 02/05/2011 01:33

What age would you suggest a strong-swimmer should be allowed to swim without parental supervision?

annawintour · 02/05/2011 01:37

Well that would depend on the child ohnoshedittant, what health issues they have, whether they panic alone, what experiences they have had in the water and the swimming conditions - i.e. a surf beach as opposed to patrolled pool - it seems a silly question to me.

So, if you want to answer it then go ahead.

Gooseberrybushes · 02/05/2011 01:39

I am happy to answer that. When we had teenagers over to swim - including some Australians actually - all of them wonderful swimmers due to being brought up in a pool/sea environment - I was always "around". Bringing drinks, sitting out of sight and listening, pottering in the garden. If we went out they were not allowed to swim, even if the staff were there.

I am very happy to answer that question. It was what the Australian parents wanted, and it was what I wanted.

ohnoshedittant · 02/05/2011 01:41

In this scenario I mean.

Pool in someones garden.
Strong swimmer.
No health conditions.
Parents nearby, not watching, but other swimmers of the same age (so not alone).
Sensible enough to play unsupervised generally.
Not prone to panic.

What would you advise?

Gooseberrybushes · 02/05/2011 01:44

The parents should be watching, no question. No question. Too much noise if there are several swimmers to detect if one person falls silent.

ohnoshedittant · 02/05/2011 01:45

but what age can they be unsupervised though? 9 is too young, that we've established...but when....11, 13, 15, 17, 21?

Gooseberrybushes · 02/05/2011 01:49

You use your judgement. Active supervision for a number of swimmers up until the age of twelve I would say. Actually, older. A pool party of teenagers is a dangerous thing. For two swimmers up to the same age, less active but present and alert. For teenagers, hanging about, in and out.

By active I mean routine name checks in your head every few minutes. Watching the heads, watching when someone is under and when they are up.

ohnoshedittant · 02/05/2011 01:56

Thanks gooseberry

I was using my judgement, but I'm stupid and make assumptions (according to our dear friend anna)!

Appreciate your guidance as I didn't grow up in a 'pool culture' and honestly thought 9 was fine to let them swim with minimal supervision.

Anna - if you're such an expert (you grew up surrounded by water after all) some gentle guidance/advice as above would probably be more helpful than being rude and insulting.

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