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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell ds9 he can't go in neighbour's garden now they have a swimming pool

542 replies

Bluesatinsashes · 01/05/2011 22:51

Been lurking for a while but this is my first thread. I'd like to know what you wise ladies think. Our back gardens are easily accessible, separated by hedges only so kids can run between gardens to play. DS is a good swimmer but we also have a dd3 who can't swim, so I've told them both they can't go next door but one anymore. DS understands my reasons but it's going to be hard for him when he has to say he can't go over, isn't it?

OP posts:
Gooseberrybushes · 02/05/2011 00:39

Anna is being very calm. It is you who has become over excited and abusive.

Original poster
Bluesatinsashes · 02/05/2011 00:39

I really appreciate everyones opinions and advise. Just to say DS doesn't wander uninvited.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 02/05/2011 00:40

Gooseberrybushes Mon 02-May-11 00:39:07
Anna is being very calm. It is you who has become over excited and abusive

awww bless Grin

annawintour · 02/05/2011 00:40

From Piglemania to me - christ anna so we should not go swimming if there is nobody there to go with us , major cottonwooling, and I am not talking about children.

Ok let's try put this in simple terms for your Piglemania -

What happens is you are swimming alone and you get a sudden cramp or fall into some other form of distress.

Swimming alone is dangerous for swimmers of all levels and ages.

Gooseberrybushes · 02/05/2011 00:41

ST perhaps you have gone to bed and don't want to tell us what you learned in your lifeguard training about children swimming alone.

catchmeifyoucan · 02/05/2011 00:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

lynehamrose · 02/05/2011 00:41

Why are you not happy to go with your son to this garden op ?

Gooseberrybushes · 02/05/2011 00:42

My God. I am shocked over and over again. Water safety is a joke - even among people with lifeguard training. Unbelievable.

GnomeDePlume · 02/05/2011 00:42

Bluesatinsashes TBH I think that you should be putting up some real fences. A swimming pool will be a bit of a draw to neighbourhood children (including yours). It isnt fair to make your neighbours responsible for your DS's safety beyond the normal levels.

If/when your DS is invited to use the pool then you are perfectly reasonable to go and have a chat with the neighbours to find out what security they use and also how clean the pool is (not unimportant!). If you are satisfied with the arrangements then what is the problem?

lynehamrose · 02/05/2011 00:43

Or indeed, Talk to the parents about supervision? There are a lot of assumptions on here that these parents are going to be allowing unsupervised swimming in their pool. You may find their idea of supervision is equally S strict as yours op

pigletmania · 02/05/2011 00:43

anna its my risk to take I am an adult and I can risk assess myself, not everyone has someone to go with.

FabbyChic · 02/05/2011 00:44

Bluesatinsashes, can your 9 year old swim well? Is he confident in the water?

squeakytoy · 02/05/2011 00:45

Nobody should swim alone really, that is basic common sense. It doesnt take training for people to know that, or to instill that into their children. Or it shouldnt.

Quite simply, the more you ban children from doing something, when they know that you are being unreasonable, (ie why bother teaching them to swim if you are then going to stop them from doing it unless you are present), they will be more inclined to go behind your back to do it.

Teach them to be aware of the dangers, dont say "no, you are not allowed" when there is little danger.

FabbyChic · 02/05/2011 00:45

PMSL at buttsucking, come on peeps it's bed time! You are all keeping me up.

annawintour · 02/05/2011 00:45

catchmeifyoucan since you asked, Squeaky did say she had undertaken lifeguard training (mind you she also said that at the age of 7 she swimming, just with friends, ie without parents, from the age of 7 and was fully aware of the risks).

Original poster
Bluesatinsashes · 02/05/2011 00:46

I think that is a good idea lyne. I didn't think of it.

OP posts:
catchmeifyoucan · 02/05/2011 00:46

I'm going ! I'm going ! I just wanted to see if the group wedgie had been removed but they've gone quiet now. Probably in collective shock, bless 'em.

lynehamrose · 02/05/2011 00:47

I agree with that piglet. My Grandfather lives alone in france and swims daily in his pool. Are people seriously suggesting that he should not be 'allowed' to do this? I imagine there must be many people in 'pool' countries who are similar, either living alone or swimming when partner is at work etc

squeakytoy · 02/05/2011 00:48

I didnt have helicopter parents Anna. I had ones with a bit of common sense who allowed me some freedom.

I did also mean that I went swimming at a public baths, not in the ocean. I played near water, but had the sense not to go into it. Had I fallen in, I was able to swim, which would hopefully have been of some use.

Gooseberrybushes · 02/05/2011 00:48

pmsl at butt-sucking?

I think there are people on this thread who are not very well brought up.

ST - it does not work that way with mine. They are well aware of the dangers and well aware that a supervising adult does not stop them doing anything they would otherwise do. Why would it, indeed. They are extremely well educated about water and not childish enough to resent being watched. They will probably have more fun being watched because they can leap, dive, swim under water, do almost anything, push their skills and endurance because they know they are safe.

GnomeDePlume · 02/05/2011 00:48

I guess that the pool referred to by OP is not olympic sized but is in fact a seasonal pool. Mine is about 3.5m wide and 1m deep. It is impossible to dive into it so that hazard does not exist. TBH the major risk for much of the summer is frostbite.

Gooseberrybushes · 02/05/2011 00:51

It is possible to fall into it Gnome. But I agree with much of your advice.

I would say to the OP, do not assume. Do not assume the pool is safe, or shallow, or supervised, or fenced, or inaccessible. Assume it is deep, unsupervised, accessible, until you know otherwise. Caution should be your default position, not laxity.

After that you must use your judgement.

annawintour · 02/05/2011 00:52

Ofcourse I understand Pigle that you are an adult and can assess that risk - but it seemed I needed to spell it out to you. But hey, I'm just glad that you understand there are risks.

FabbyChic · 02/05/2011 00:52

Im sorry just the interaction between posters is making me laugh, and the actual words butt sucking made me laugh as you don't often see it on here.

I think it is safe to say that different people have different views. If I was happy my child could swim I'd happily let him swim in a neighbours pool.

We know not of the depth of this pool or the circumference either. It might be tiny.

squeakytoy · 02/05/2011 00:54

If a 9year old who can swim, falls into a large paddling pool, apart from being a bit cold and wet, they can usually get out of it.

If you have a 3yr old child, it is your responsibility to ensure your garden is secure and stops them from wandering near a neighbours pool.