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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To tell ds9 he can't go in neighbour's garden now they have a swimming pool

542 replies

Bluesatinsashes · 01/05/2011 22:51

Been lurking for a while but this is my first thread. I'd like to know what you wise ladies think. Our back gardens are easily accessible, separated by hedges only so kids can run between gardens to play. DS is a good swimmer but we also have a dd3 who can't swim, so I've told them both they can't go next door but one anymore. DS understands my reasons but it's going to be hard for him when he has to say he can't go over, isn't it?

OP posts:
lynehamrose · 05/05/2011 08:45

I remember reading it as I was quite Shock but I don't recall exact time/ date- though I'm sure you can read the thread as quickly as I can!

annawintour · 05/05/2011 08:55

Don't worry sourcing the post lynehamrose it does not seem that relevant to me anyhow. But actually it has given me a chance to re-visit the thread.

Early on in the thread there was lots of "get a grip advice" given to NotaMopsa

Notarospa was jumped on for her own personal take on pool safety as well as her suggestion that she would still look after a 14 or 15 year old as well a 9 year old and because she uses a term like describing a 9 year as a baby - I don't think in a literal sense more like a 9 year old needs to be carefully looked after around water sense.

So then NotaMopsa was in for lots of "HA HA HA HA HA" and a number of posters joined in to "Mock her supposed paranoid thinking?"

Have a look at a post from Catchme - saying that Gooseberrybushes needs to know what abuse it? I think that is threatening and uncalled for.

To me, this is classic bullying behaviour - the success that most bullies achieve is by being a bully, and leaving others to cope with the problem.

It is likely that, on at least some occasions, part of the motivation of some posters was to try impress other posters - and as a result Gooseberrybushes has been subject to lots of negative comments and when she reported some posts that were deleted she was told that they weren't abuse that they were just pisstaking. Even though MN deemed them serious enough to be deleted.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 05/05/2011 10:22

Annawintour: THe thing is with people who bleat and whine and run off screaming to tell teacher every time they are disagreed with is that this generally goes in hand with posting or saying nonsense. Its not about poor ickle baby being bullied, it's about using waah, i'm being picked on' as a way of silencing disgreement.

Gooseberrybushes · 05/05/2011 11:15

I can tell you - it was me, and in subesequent posts I withdrew it, saying I hadn't wanted to be too scary. I withdrew that quite strongly and specifically a number of times - it was the thing I changed my mind about. I had thought the pool was low, the children would be half visible through a hedge and it was all going on next door. I have strengthened it considerably since then with a description of active supervision, how to watch, numbers and so on. One other person with a pool has said they wouldn't be in the garden all the time (I think with older children).

Two people have said that because drowning can happen under supervision, supervision is therefore pointless. It is one of the stupidest and most pointless things I have heard anyone say about water safety. It seems to have been written purely to make a stupid "ner ner" point - as in - aha - got you there !!!!!!!!!! Grin. It is so unbelievably childish, contrary, irresponsible and obstreperous to treat this as a joke because you feel aggrieved that people take water safety seriously and know more about it than you. To think drowning children are hysterically funny. To be so unable to conduct yourself with any civility that you have to keep returning with nothing to say except try to make someone feel like a paranoid idiot (hey - it's not working).

Few people here are interested in water safety - most keep popping back to Grin, to be nasty, to be childish, to offend, to try, somehow, to win this stupid battle with what they imagine to be witty comments (er I don't think so) because they think they are parenting safety experts and everyone else should get a grip. They gang up, they contradict themselves, they contradict each other, they're inconsistent, one has even lied, apparently, about her child doing Dof E Gold before the age of 16. In fact they are more interested in name-calling and ganging up than what the thread is about, which is water safety. In which case, I have no idea why they are still posting. I can only imagine the whole point is to be as unpleasant as possible.

SGB: you really seem to have a thing about me. Good luck getting over that.

Anna: cheers mdear.

nappyaddict · 05/05/2011 11:18

As long as it's got a cover then I would let him go over.

soggy14 · 05/05/2011 11:20

How deep is the pool? Swimming is very hard if you are wearing any clothing - our dd nearly drowned, in a supervised pool, because she went in wearing a sun suit and discovered that she couldn't swim in it. I'd fence in your garden.

nappyaddict · 05/05/2011 11:31

Why would a sunsuit make it difficult to swim when they are made out of a similar material to swim suits and they aren't baggy or anything. When they get wet they cling to you if anything.

DS swims in a wetsuit and his swimming teacher said they actually make it a bit easier to swim because the neoprene makes them ever so slightly more buoyant.

scurryfunge · 05/05/2011 11:41

There are no real compromises when it comes to pool safety.

Ours is fenced off and children do not go in or anywhere near it (nor the dog for that matter)unless myself and or DH is watching poolside.

You cannot get into our garden without climbing huge fences.

The rule was always "everyone out" if an adult had to leave for whatever reason. This was accepted by DS and pals because there was no access at all if rules were not followed ( had pool since DS was 11 so not talking about little ones). I would not trust anyone primary school age to do completely as they are told.
There is a winter cover that cannot be lifted or got underneath and the fencing seems appropriate in the summer. I have relaxed now DS is 16 but I do not consider myself paranoid -just aware and safety conscious.

I have considered a pool alarm -anyone had experience of their usefulness?

annawintour · 05/05/2011 12:04

NappyAddict I've posted some advice from RoSPA about pool covers:

Swimming pool covers are not safety devices - they are for keeping debris out of the swimming pool.

Soft swimming pool covers can be a hazard if a person slips under them and the cover then pulls the sides in - they could be a potential death trap. If children are in the vicinity, the key to swimming pool safety is supervision. Never rely on a swimming pool cover to prevent a drowning.

Gooseberrybushes · 05/05/2011 12:16

"The rule was always "everyone out" if an adult had to leave for whatever reason."

This is like a breath of fresh air.

annawintour · 05/05/2011 12:34

SpringchickenGoldBrass I can't see any evidence of Gooseberrybushes having a strategy in place to silence disagreement, as she has engaged with many posters. The language you use is interesting, alluding to the telling of tales and a belittling tone. Reporting posts being viewed as a form of ?telling tales?. As I said I don't think MN delete posts based on disagreement.

scurryfunge I don't have first hand experience but 2 of my friends had pool alarms - which went off if someone opened the gate/entrance of the pool enclosure but they both had an indoor pool/spa pool set up. You can get lots of different types of alarms for pools nowadays.

scurryfunge · 05/05/2011 12:51

Thanks anna -I've been looking around but not sure what would be best. It would only really alert us to someone entering the pool who had made a big effort to get past fences and gates.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 05/05/2011 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Gooseberrybushes · 05/05/2011 13:05

If you don't like the policy on abuse you could always go to another forum.

If you have no interest in water safety you could always find another thread.

If you don't like me (if!) you don't have to engage with me.

So many choices, what to do, what to do.

The only people interested in silencing disagreement on this thread are those who ridicule, deride and abuse in the hope that others will be so embarrassed they will shut up and go away.

I'm interested in what people have to say about water safety. So far your contribution on that front has been ooooooooooh near zero I would say. I have no idea why you're here.

lynehamrose · 05/05/2011 13:10

Well springchicken- consider yourself well and truly told off eh ???! If this thread doesn't make it into classics I'll eat my swimming cap lmao

Gooseberrybushes · 05/05/2011 13:12

"..This topic...is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil. We don't allow personal attacks or troll-hunting. Do please report any."

"We will remove posts we believe to be obscene..contain personal attacks or break the law...We'd appreciate it if you'd use the same courtesy when posting messages on Talk as you would use when speaking to someone face-to-face."

If you don't like this, take it up with hq. You have not been civil, there were obscene personal attacks, you have personally attacked and you have called troll.

As I say, take it up with hq if you find it impossible to engage with civility.

Gooseberrybushes · 05/05/2011 13:13

This thread won't make it into classics because drowning children are not funny and because it has been abusive.

Get eating.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 05/05/2011 13:19

Wow. This thread went off on one, didn't it? And all the reported posts.

OP, do what you feel comfortable with. Personally, I'd let DS1 (10) go to the house to play if he was invited and being supervised. DS1 is a very sensible lad, so if I said 'don't go in the pool', he wouldn't. I would have a word with the neighbours to suss out their views on having everyone's DC knocking about near a pool, and if I thought they were responsible types let him go. I wouldn't let the toddler go, however.

annawintour · 05/05/2011 13:59

No problem Scurry I think I'll suggest that MNHQ look at getting a Lifeguard organisation and doing an online chat on water safety, it would seem pertinent given the time of the year.

SpringchickenGoldBrass and lynehamrose I think saying to another poster that "you need to know what abuse is" is awful, really awful.

This idea of subsequent posters, including yourselves, then laughing at Gooseberry seemed like you were enjoying joining in the ill-will that has been directed to Gooseberry.

lynehamrose · 05/05/2011 14:03

Can you show me where I wrote "you need to know what abuse is" to a poster please

MadamDeathstare · 05/05/2011 14:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fallon8 · 05/05/2011 14:21

I couldnt cope with all the neighbours children having acess to all the gardens in the first place. Its the neighbour's garden not yours.The owners can do what they like.Its up to YOU,to look after your children,not the poll owner.maybe they have done to keep the kids out!

Gooseberrybushes · 05/05/2011 14:21

It doesn't matter what anyone says, does it LH. You can be shown to have contradicted yourself, condoned abuse, be completely inconsistent and repeatedly have it brought to your attention that drowning children do not amuse. But all you ever do is lmao!!!!!

lynehamrose · 05/05/2011 14:25

Anna- could you show me where I wrote the bit you've quoted please?!

annawintour · 05/05/2011 14:42

lynehamrose I didn't say you wrote that, catchmeifyoucan said the abuse comment. Like I said it comes across to me like you get some kind of enjoyment out of the ill-will directed to Gooseberry, I don't find it funny.