To tell ds9 he can't go in neighbour's garden now they have a swimming pool

[Bluesatinsashes]

Been lurking for a while but this is my first thread. I'd like to know what you wise ladies think. Our back gardens are easily accessible, separated by hedges only so kids can run between gardens to play. DS is a good swimmer but we also have a dd3 who can't swim, so I've told them both they can't go next door but one anymore. DS understands my reasons but it's going to be hard for him when he has to say he can't go over, isn't it?

The words dog and bone seem inextricable with this thread. Mental

Hell - I'm here because I'm interested in pool safety. Why are you here?

MTOABB - thanks for that

Gnome - if the children are playing across gardens that would be the equivalent of an invitation in my book. Part of the freedom of growing up.

Exactly gnome. You make NO assumptions about safety and supervision of ones precious children. In the case of the OP in paticular, there is clearly a LACK of communication and mutual agreement. That was why the OP had no idea about the pool until it arrived in the neighbours garden, and why it didn't even cross her mind to ask her neighbour about the supervision arrangements for playing in it!

LH, you seem to have overcome your fit of hysterical laughter at the "drowning children" thread. A good decision.

Gnome: if your child was on a playdate would you ask about garden safety?
If your child was on a pool playdate, would you ask about pool safety?

Springchicken - you speak the truth!

I read the following shortly before moving abroad with my two dd's, aged 4 and 8 at the time. Found it a real eye opener with regard to what a drowning can look like, as opposed to water distress.
otheroman.blogspot.com/2010/03/parents-watch-your-children.html

abuse? Aha-ha-ha! You really are Little Miss Over-Sensitive aren't you? You're hilarious!

LH - I do not understand your point of view.You keep changing your mind about things. One minute you are in the "supervision is suffocation" camp then the next our "precious" children need constant supervision. You agree with ST but you disagree strongly with advice about swimming alone. You want your children to have independence but won't let them knock on someone's back door because it's too dangerous.

It makes it difficult to follow your train of thought.

Hell - oh we are back to hysterical laughter? Very strange. I really wouldn't call anyone mental unless I wanted to abuse them - perhaps it's a normal descriptive term in your world.

Hermit : I've made it into a link. I hope people read it.

here watching a child drowning and not realising it is drowning

Goose - my DCs are a bit old for play dates now! However, thinking back, I wouldnt necessarily ask about garden safety but I would have certainly looked at drop off and I do talk with my DCs. You are right that we all make assumptions about safety in the garden which might explain the number of accidents which I read on th RoSPA site.

We are the only ones daft enough to spend the money in the neighbourhood with a pool (many of the gardens are too small) so home pool parties have never come up. My DCs are now old enough to go to the municipal pool on with their friends. We routinely chat before they go and also make sure that they arent taking younger siblings with them.

Hermit - I dont know what the answer is. It can happen even in a well supervised municipal pool. The time when I saw it (the boy was spotted by chance by another lifeguard and was home that night) the pool was busy and the boy had got out of his confidant depth. He could have put his feet down, just, but a weak swimmer can easily get waterlogged.

Thanks Gnome.

I need to correct myself. I wouldn't call anyone mental full stop. Not "unless I wanted to abuse them". I just wouldn't do it anyway.

There we are. I changed my mind about something! But not ever about water safety

I'm more worried about the risks of dying from hysterical laughter than drowning after this thread.

the link is interesting.

but really only highlights that merely watching kids isn't much use, as plenty of people 'saw' the poor girl in question.

presumably the op will be sharing the 'not waving but drowning' message when she checks supervision levels at her neighbour's house.

Yes - strange that some people have suggested just checking that an adult will be standing by the pool watching the children is enough.

Really - who suggested that an adult standing by the pool watching was enough?

Various posters. We've even had the suggestion that the op could stand in her own garden and 'if you're not watching,listen!'

Read the thread.

lynehamrose I was looking for the exact example where some said that an adult standing by the pool watching children is enough. But don't worry if you can't find it we both may have missed something. I have read the thread but I suppose I can go through and find the example you mentioned later.

SO - having just read this whole thread...

OP, you don't mention that your son has been invited to swim, therefore this thread is not about whether he should be allowed to go swimming whether supervised or not.

You say this is the kind of pool you climb up into, which means you can't fall in, and would also probably have a cover over it in my experience.

You say that the children have freedom to pass between the gardens so I assumer that all the households are happy with this.
Therefore it boils down to this.

Do you have the kind of nine year old DS who will do as he is told? If so, you are being unreasonable to ban him from the garden. It should be sufficient to say 'Don't go in the pool without permission, and if invited, make sure you let me know first, I want to check it's being supervised. You sister is not allowed to go in the pool at all, so please don't encourage her to follow you to their garden, she is too young to be sensible'. (As a side issue, I would not want my three yo to be able to wander freely like that anyway ).

If you don't have the kind of nine year old who will do as he is told, then you are being unreasonable to let him roam this freely anyway.

All children should be encouraged to swim...

If he's invited over you could just ask if they could keep an eye on him...but at 9 years old he should be fairly competent.

Standing two gardens away means you are less able to watch than if you're At the pool
Side....

As you have just copied it I hope it won't be too much trouble to ask when the post was posted and by whom?

Well I have to agree that standing two gardens away obviously means you are less able to watch than at pool side.

Anyhow GooseberryFool - I have a different interpretation of this thread that the view that your share with lynehamrose and charmed.

I don't think the posts from Gooseberrybushes are very strange.

Then there was like this kind of macho attitude - "my kids have flown in a chinock your kids are going to be damaged because you have not let them take enough risks".

Other posters could agree with each other and not be called on it - but Gooseberry is deemed to be sucking up to certain posters and again look at the language - I'm a big girl who can speak for herself.

In present-day society generally, strength tends to be admired and weak- ness despised.

If we are having a rough time, we are expected to keep quiet about it and just put up with it. Maybe why that is why Gooseberry was told she was just subject to some pisstaking Reporting posts was viewed as a form of ?telling tales?.