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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To tell ds9 he can't go in neighbour's garden now they have a swimming pool

542 replies

Bluesatinsashes · 01/05/2011 22:51

Been lurking for a while but this is my first thread. I'd like to know what you wise ladies think. Our back gardens are easily accessible, separated by hedges only so kids can run between gardens to play. DS is a good swimmer but we also have a dd3 who can't swim, so I've told them both they can't go next door but one anymore. DS understands my reasons but it's going to be hard for him when he has to say he can't go over, isn't it?

OP posts:
Fimbo · 03/05/2011 11:26

How does the 9 year old get in the garden? There is talk of a hedge. Do they squeeze between gaps to get in?

annawintour · 03/05/2011 11:36

I have to say I like the general australian attitude that sees drownings as preventable rather than part of parcel of some course, take Squeaky's example where she says every year some young person dies dues to to drowning doesn't sit comfortably with me, nor does the use of "helicopter parenting" as some derogatory term in relation to swim safety is what I think it truly over the top. I agree with nunthewiser here.

.

Again10 · 03/05/2011 11:48

Yabu

annawintour · 03/05/2011 16:14

Oh and lynehamrose I'm not some other poster.

Oh and squeakytoy I detest people who have trigger fingers on the report button, it is pathetic? Really - what rot - it is not pathetic to report posts - and surely MN only delete posts if they warrant deleting. I didn't read any of the deleted posts but if they were directed at me then that is pathetic.

annawintour · 03/05/2011 16:31

Reading back it is clear that a small number of posters are annoyed that some posts have been reported and removed.

Catchme you see to be having multiple posts deleted - I'd hazard a guess that it your content not that of other posters which has caused the deletions. It is MN who decides to delete or not. Why don't you take responsibility for your actions?

Also how strange for other posters to get upset if one or more posters have agreed with my posts.

Truly bizarre. I must have touched a nerve. Who knows? Perhaps some posters are not ready to entertain an alternative view point, it might mean they have to critically think through why their parents let them go swimming at the age of 7 or whatever unsupervised and go on the defensive against other posters who would let their children swim unsupervised or alone.

annawintour · 03/05/2011 16:32

...go on the defensive against other posters who would NOT let their children swim unsupervised or alone.

lynehamrose · 03/05/2011 16:43

Op - take responsibility for your child and there should be no problems!

Gooseberrybushes · 03/05/2011 20:40

Shame so many posters seemed determined the OP should abandon responsibility so as not to be suffocating, paranoid and hysterical.

Although sanity did prevaill. In the end.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 03/05/2011 20:51

Gooseberrybushes. Yes, it did, but guess what, it wasn't you that won the argument. Your side lost.

Gooseberrybushes · 03/05/2011 21:58

What on earth do you think this is? Some kind of competition?

Water safety is an issue I am interested in and concerned about for all sorts of reasons. There was dangerous level of complacency on the thread and I wanted to make sure the OP knew she was not being ridiculous and should not worry about being laughed at if she insisted on strict supervision or a pool/garden ban. The tone of the posts I reported added to the view that it was utterly ludicrous and even offensive to take pool supervision seriously, and the level of abuse meant they could be deleted.

Anyone who seriously think this was about mumsnet pointscoring over the likes of you and other abusive posters must have a smaller and more limited life than I can possibly imagine.

CarrieOakey · 03/05/2011 22:02

I wouldn't let my dc go I'm afraid. We lived in Cyprus for 3 years, there were 2 drownings while we were there, a 2 year old and an 8 year old - devastating Sad.

lynehamrose · 03/05/2011 22:16

If one takes care to read the op again, she was actually saying she thought she should never let her 9 yr old go to that garden again, even though she felt that was unfair to him. She also seemed to have a worryingly laissez faire approach in allowing her children to wander into other peoples gardens. Strange mix of irresponsible parenting combined with a hard line approach about the pool and a strange reluctance to actually TALK to her neighbour, who for all we know would not dream of allowing children unsupervised in the pool.
So I don't think its a simple case of the op needing reassurance that she was being responsible. She sounds highly irresponsible in allowing her kids to roam out of the garden unchecked- and many of us pointed this out.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 03/05/2011 22:16

Gooseberrybushes. You can't actually stop people from disagreeing with you and laughing at you, but it's quite fun watching you try.

exoticfruits · 03/05/2011 22:26

I think that the 9yr old is old enough to understand that he doesn't just wander into other people's gardens.
I also don't see why a 9 yr old is treated the same as a 3 yr old.

GooseberryFool · 03/05/2011 22:28

Funniest thread ever. Grin

lynehamrose · 03/05/2011 22:31

Yes- deffo a classic!!

Gooseberrybushes · 03/05/2011 22:45

I don't want to stop people disagreeing with me. Unfortunately it was others on the thread who couldn't bear disagreement - to the point they resorted to abuse. To the point they couldn't understand that two, even three people could actually have a different point of view, and they must be the same person or a troll. It is not me who hooted and derided for not bearing to be disagreed with. You should look closer to home for that.

I think the OP should have stopped her son going into the garden unless she knew there was supervision. I said nothing to merit the abuse that then ensued. I was interested in water safety: others were interested in abuse and point-scoring and deriding - not just disagreeing with - other people's points of view.

I am right about water safety, and anyone who knows anything about it recommends a guarantee of supervision. It is a very strange mentality to abuse and deride rather than simply disagree, especially when there are so many tragic stories here. Three tragedies and one near tragedy inform my point of view.

Abuse and derision is not going to change my mind about water supervision, and why would it.

Jux · 03/05/2011 22:52

I would send your son on an advanced swimming course which encompasses life saving and then let him go. When your daughter starts to wander, ask him to be responsible for her safety and to keep an eye on her round the pool, just like anyone would expect their older child to keep an eye on younger siblings when they go to the sweetshop round the corner, or cross a road.

squeakytoy · 03/05/2011 22:56

Jux, I think it is very unfair to expect a 9yo to be responsible for a 3yo who can wander. She should not be able to wander, at all.

lynehamrose · 03/05/2011 22:59

Ooh jux you're a brave woman posting that! Do you have a death-by-being-patronised-wish?!

Seriously, I disagree, I don't think an older sibling should be expected to take parental responsibility for a child; its not fair. However, i still don't know why at 9 yrs old, the op's son cant go round and play in the pool with supervision. I also don't understand why a 9 yr old would wander uninvited into someone's garden anyway.
And to put all this in perspective- no doubt within a few months theyll get rid of the pool because the British climate is generally so rubbish!

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 03/05/2011 23:01

Gooseberrybushes. No, you're not right. Get over it.

Gooseberrybushes · 03/05/2011 23:01

I agree, it's unfair and dangerous.

A lot depends on the set up and on how well the neighbours are known. I would not be happy not knowing where my three year old is - it wouldn't happen actually - but the OP made it clear earlier (if I remember rightly) that she does not wander there and only goes when asked.

Relying on a 9y0 to "keep an eye" on a three to four year old around a pool is a recipe for disaster.

Drownings happen with swim teachers, lifeguards and parents present. A 9yo should be supervised in a pool him/herself, not supervising a smaller child.

Gooseberrybushes · 03/05/2011 23:03

SGB, I obviously really get under your skin in some way.

There seems to be a competition to see who can be the most hands-off parent ever. Somebody's going to drown in a pool this year, why not my kid, it's all part of growing up.

Hmm
lynehamrose · 03/05/2011 23:06

Drownings happen with lifeguards and swim teachers present . Agreed. Yet I was told earlier that apparently if my elderly relative is swimming in his pool, it somehow makes a difference if he has a neighbour!!
This thread is truly barmy!

Gooseberrybushes · 03/05/2011 23:07

The problem with the 9yo wandering through, which could be a perfectly acceptable set up with friendly neighbours who have children, is that it means he will go into the garden and pool area when the OP has no idea if there is supervision.

If he is to continue to wander through, she will have to follow him to check that the pool is supervised. Even if they are not swimming, accidents can happen, as everyone knows. You kick a football in, and go to retrieve it, you're not in swim stuff, it's maybe a high sided pool, you've got your shoes on, you can't grab the side, it's not hard to imagine.