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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that someone who cancels a date on Bank Holiday Saturday is a bastard? Should I be wary or keep trying??

177 replies

Missingfriendsandsad · 01/05/2011 19:01

Short story is met guy in pub, we got on really well and I was really thinking there could be something to it - or at least we would have a good date - his friend said ask him to take you for dinner - I said, 'wow, would love to' he looked a bit shocked but passed his card over. even writing his number on again to be sure.

I texted after pub and asked direct, he said 'that would be lovely' we agreed a time and date and then on day I texted to say 'table booked, would you like to meet for a drink first' then got a text back saying 'oh something came up' I sent back a text saying :) I thought at least you'd do better than that (excuse), least you told me early enough...

Then I got a weird text saying 'sorry, I don't know who this is' is that weird or what! Its obviously it is a blow-off, but why say 'lovely' to dinner straight away and complement on choice of restaurant etc? All this happened since wednesday.

What annoyed me is a) I haven't had a date with a really lovely guy for a long time - attractive guys yes, intelligent guys yes, but none with both that I actually felt like there could be a connection with. and b) I gave up a bank holiday saturday for this date and was left miserable :(

I do think that its a shame because it its not like we had a bad date or anything he has decided to finish it before we even know if anything might start or whatever.

He did say he was divorced but is that really a reason for being like this?

OP posts:
cookielove · 01/05/2011 19:02

That is odd Hmm

Tortoise · 01/05/2011 19:04

Sounds like maybe he isn't actually single and had to cover up your message but saying he didn't know who you were.

bubblecoral · 01/05/2011 19:04

It sounds like you were being slightly pushy and that may have put him off. I'm all for equality, except when it comes to dating!

If nothing started then you have lost nothing. It wasn't meant to be, probably because there is someone even better out ther for you that you will meet when the time is right.

uniquegeek · 01/05/2011 19:05

I would back off. The fact is YOU asked HIM out when it should have been the other way round. Don't get too hung up about it. He can't be THAT lovely.

bittersweetvictory · 01/05/2011 19:06

I would back off, hes maybe the kind of guy who likes to do the chasing and the table booking and feels pressured into it.

themildmanneredjanitor · 01/05/2011 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bittersweetvictory · 01/05/2011 19:07

x posted with uniquegeek but great minds think alike Grin

AuntiePickleBottom · 01/05/2011 19:08

uniquegeek, why is a women not allowed to ask a male out...very old fashioned

CheshireDing · 01/05/2011 19:08

Gutted for you, I felt like I was the only single person forever until I met DH but I had to go to the other side of the world to find him!

This guy sounds like he was pushed into it by his friend and also maybe dinner would have been too long if you did not get along, maybe just another drink alone would have been better?

Move on, forget about him, not worth it, have you tried a dating website? Or alternatively as my American friend calls them a f**k buddy?

Ragwort · 01/05/2011 19:10

Sounds like the friend pushed you into it and the guy wasn't really that keen in the first place - his loss Grin.

cookielove · 01/05/2011 19:10

Yes uniquegeek, why are women not allowed to ask men out?

PfftTheMagicDragon · 01/05/2011 19:11

Eh?

HE didn't even ask you out!

His mate pushed him into a situation where he felt he had to say that he would take you out, so he tried to let you down gently.

Icelollycraving · 01/05/2011 19:11

You were perhaps too pushy.
Maybe he just isn't that in to you.
Maybe he's not single.

Don't drive yourself mad on the what ifs,I'm sure you will meet someone but perhaps be a little less direct next time until you know your audience!!

GeneHuntsMistress · 01/05/2011 19:11

Sorry but sounds like he is not that into you. His friend made the move and pushed yu into making first connection re swapping numbers. You then made the moves. Yes, he responded in a positive way but what else could he say without being mean to your face? Lots of men act nicely but then back off it's easier that way......

Write this oneoff and leave the way open for the one around the corner waiting for you, I'm sure Smile

Mollymax · 01/05/2011 19:12

Definitely back off.
He is probably feeling pressured by you and his friend.
He has still got your number, so see what happens.
The ball is in his court.

Curiousmama · 01/05/2011 19:12

Yes sounds like he was pushed into it or is already dating,married etc.

Don't lose sleep. Get yourself on a dating site it's the new pub Grin

I met dp on there after a few idiots but he was worth the trudge through shit mud Wink I met him on plentyoffish but I know that has mixed reviews. Match.com etc. are supposed to be ok though?

Good luck.

Original poster
Missingfriendsandsad · 01/05/2011 19:13

Well perhaps, but I think the asking was in the air anyway when we were talking his friend and my friend went outside and I don't think either of us even noticed because we were getting on so well - I thought that was a really good sign! And he studied something I wanted to but didn't that is a real passion of mine too.

I feel really sad that we didn't get the chance to have a second conversation. But am worried that perhaps it was all a misunderstanding but I can't work out why - we have no mutual friends or contact Do you think I should call him and ask him straight what he means/why he did that? Would that be wierd?

I would have been quite happy if the date had been crap and ended early, but I really don't think it would have.. but going off me before speaking to me, that is a record!! :) yes I do use humour to cover sadness and disappointment...

OP posts:
ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 01/05/2011 19:13

Sounds to me like someone was checking his phone!

He might be divorced, but I bet he's not single.

NEXT!!

atswimtwolengths · 01/05/2011 19:14

You realise you would've had to pay the full price of that meal if he'd turned up, don't you?

bubblecoral · 01/05/2011 19:15

I know you didn't ask me, but I'll give my opinion anyway!

Women are allowed to ask men out. Some will like it and a beautiful relationship could blossom. Some will feel like it's an insult to their masculinity and would prefer to do the asking. Simple. I'm the sort of woman that would prefer to be asked by a man on a date, it just feels more ladylike, and there are plenty of men that prefer it that way too.

You can shout about 2011, equality, feminism, sufferage etc as much as you like, but it comes down to personal preference.

StatelyPoshBeartrothal · 01/05/2011 19:15

" The fact is YOU asked HIM out when it should have been the other way round."

erm what?

Groovee · 01/05/2011 19:16

Either he's married or else he was feeling under pressure.

Original poster
Missingfriendsandsad · 01/05/2011 19:17

also why the 'dinner would be lovely' and 'yes! you got me spot on' with choice of restaurant?? Also I DID ask for drink first in case it went badly and wanted to stop.. I did think perhaps he was playing games- like trying to leave me wanting more... is that likely??

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 01/05/2011 19:17

forget it - he's clearly not that fussed and is probably already with someone

bubblecoral · 01/05/2011 19:19

You are overthinking it. Move on. It just wasn't meant to be. Please don't call him and ask him what he meant, that just smacks of desperation. Surely you have more self respect than that?