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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that someone who cancels a date on Bank Holiday Saturday is a bastard? Should I be wary or keep trying??

177 replies

Missingfriendsandsad · 01/05/2011 19:01

Short story is met guy in pub, we got on really well and I was really thinking there could be something to it - or at least we would have a good date - his friend said ask him to take you for dinner - I said, 'wow, would love to' he looked a bit shocked but passed his card over. even writing his number on again to be sure.

I texted after pub and asked direct, he said 'that would be lovely' we agreed a time and date and then on day I texted to say 'table booked, would you like to meet for a drink first' then got a text back saying 'oh something came up' I sent back a text saying :) I thought at least you'd do better than that (excuse), least you told me early enough...

Then I got a weird text saying 'sorry, I don't know who this is' is that weird or what! Its obviously it is a blow-off, but why say 'lovely' to dinner straight away and complement on choice of restaurant etc? All this happened since wednesday.

What annoyed me is a) I haven't had a date with a really lovely guy for a long time - attractive guys yes, intelligent guys yes, but none with both that I actually felt like there could be a connection with. and b) I gave up a bank holiday saturday for this date and was left miserable :(

I do think that its a shame because it its not like we had a bad date or anything he has decided to finish it before we even know if anything might start or whatever.

He did say he was divorced but is that really a reason for being like this?

OP posts:
MollieO · 01/05/2011 19:36

Personally I wouldn't have changed my plans unless he had contacted you and he had booked the restaurant. The fact that you did both simply means you changed your mind on what you were doing, not that you changed your plans for him.

CatPower · 01/05/2011 19:37

Oh, I crossed post. You said -

"because of perhaps two days in bed Ok ok perhaps I was being too naughty.. but I did fancy him in a diffferent way to just sex-sex, I really wanted to be with him talking all night... which only happens to me once every..five or six years or so..."

...and you've just crossed the line from mumsnet oddball to stalker material. One conversation in a pub (and half that conversation was via his mate trying to set him up!) and you're considering two days in bed?!

GET A BLOODY GRIP.

themildmanneredjanitor · 01/05/2011 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mickeyjohn · 01/05/2011 19:39

or no response at all....JUST DON'T DO IT! have some self respect....we've all contacted not-interested men in the past before and regretted it. DO NOT BE A BUNNY BOILER!!! MOVE ON NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!
you don't know him, you are projecting all these lovely ideas of who is is and what he might have been onto him - which when you have been single for ages is so easily done - but you must realise that you don't know him, or much about him, and he's just not interested. PLEASE DON'T PHONE HIM!!!!

Original poster
Missingfriendsandsad · 01/05/2011 19:40

:) I knew I was being too naughty! But it does happen you know! I still think he behaved more mental than me Though I do wonder what does happen to make the blokes your don't really get on with hassle you and the ones you do get frightened/get disinterested... Thanks for all the advice - would any of you use this tactic to get into/out of a date??

OP posts:
DontGoCurly · 01/05/2011 19:40

Was this the dinner OP Wink

No, seriously. Everyone gets rejected in life. It's best to take it with good grace otherwise you will seem barmy.

themildmanneredjanitor · 01/05/2011 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

themildmanneredjanitor · 01/05/2011 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Missingfriendsandsad · 01/05/2011 19:42

have pasted a link to this discussion on his facebook page... HA

OP posts:
YellowDinosaur · 01/05/2011 19:42

OP you said this:

Though I do wonder what does happen to make the blokes your don't really get on with hassle you and the ones you do get frightened/get disinterested... Thanks for all the advice - would any of you use this tactic to get into/out of a date??

Do you see any irony? At all?

themildmanneredjanitor · 01/05/2011 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontGoCurly · 01/05/2011 19:43

have pasted a link to this discussion on his facebook page... HA

OH NO YOU DIDN'T!

YellowDinosaur · 01/05/2011 19:44

If you really have posted a link to this on his facebook page he really and truely will know he had a lucky escape. Because lots and lots of other WOMEN think you are mad as a box of frogs and he has just been a normal bloke

Original poster
Missingfriendsandsad · 01/05/2011 19:45

Yes I do see the iron nut most men are at least reasonable to me this is the first that has been so weird/deliberately rude/cancelled. If this is how some people are with dates, no wonder so many people are single!!

OP posts:
zikes · 01/05/2011 19:45

What?! You posted a link on his FB profile?

So he can come from FB and see you being quite strange and stalkery?

This has to be a wind-up.

Original poster
Missingfriendsandsad · 01/05/2011 19:46

:) sorry the facebook page wasn't true - just playing to the gallery a bit... it sort of crossed my mind to look him up on facebook though, luckily I didn't! :)
Do you think he was planning to just not turn up when I texted him?

OP posts:
YellowDinosaur · 01/05/2011 19:47

You don't see the irony. At all.

My point is that you are behaving exactly as you are describing only you are the one who is hassling someone who is not into you.

Let it go. Now. Before you lose even more self respect

WolfShapedBullet · 01/05/2011 19:47

Please god let this be a wind up, if not I think you need some self help books or something, you are not acting rationally.

Original poster
Missingfriendsandsad · 01/05/2011 19:48

I think I will have to stick to just going for men I find sexy instead of people I find nice.. what a shame! I was just up for starting something more exciting than usual :(

OP posts:
Icelollycraving · 01/05/2011 19:49

Oh holy sweet Jesus!!!!!! Please tell me you are joking???!!
You have put it on his fb page,omg!!
Are you off your fucking rocker???
He has an escape from yr 'naughty' & creepy clutches.

WolfShapedBullet · 01/05/2011 19:49

X posted with the Facebook comment. Please don't start stalking him on there op, move on.

Original poster
Missingfriendsandsad · 01/05/2011 19:49

Is it really that 'irrational' to like someone and wonder why they have been so odd? Perhaps people who play the field get this a lot and have dumping lines and techniques - its just that I'm not one of them and it was a bit of a shock - does it mean that he is a bit of a tart and just plays around a lot?

OP posts:
happyinherts · 01/05/2011 19:50

He has sense. Lucky man. He saw the light. He knows he was right. Get a grip

CatPower · 01/05/2011 19:51

This has got to be a Biscuit. Either that or OP is extremely fragile, given her username and the fact she's trawling bars trying to find "sexy" men to spend the BHW with.

Stop chasing men for "days in bed", concentrate on making yourself happy and then friends and eventually men will follow.

flippinada · 01/05/2011 19:51

Oh blimey.

I think he probably agreed because he felt put on the spot and was trying to let you down gently (albeit a bit clumsily, maybe).

You are reading too much into it, this is all a bit 'intense'.