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Original poster

To think that someone who cancels a date on Bank Holiday Saturday is a bastard? Should I be wary or keep trying??

177 replies

Missingfriendsandsad · 01/05/2011 19:01

Short story is met guy in pub, we got on really well and I was really thinking there could be something to it - or at least we would have a good date - his friend said ask him to take you for dinner - I said, 'wow, would love to' he looked a bit shocked but passed his card over. even writing his number on again to be sure.

I texted after pub and asked direct, he said 'that would be lovely' we agreed a time and date and then on day I texted to say 'table booked, would you like to meet for a drink first' then got a text back saying 'oh something came up' I sent back a text saying :) I thought at least you'd do better than that (excuse), least you told me early enough...

Then I got a weird text saying 'sorry, I don't know who this is' is that weird or what! Its obviously it is a blow-off, but why say 'lovely' to dinner straight away and complement on choice of restaurant etc? All this happened since wednesday.

What annoyed me is a) I haven't had a date with a really lovely guy for a long time - attractive guys yes, intelligent guys yes, but none with both that I actually felt like there could be a connection with. and b) I gave up a bank holiday saturday for this date and was left miserable :(

I do think that its a shame because it its not like we had a bad date or anything he has decided to finish it before we even know if anything might start or whatever.

He did say he was divorced but is that really a reason for being like this?

OP posts:
BillComptonstrousers · 01/05/2011 20:19

I think you're confusing went to Australia with escaped to Australia .....

allgonebellyup · 01/05/2011 20:21

hey, maybe she just has a large sex drive?!! Grin

Original poster
Missingfriendsandsad · 01/05/2011 20:21

oh alright I enjoyed the australia joke the first time, now I am not enjoying it so much

OP posts:
Original poster
Missingfriendsandsad · 01/05/2011 20:22

and no I won't be amused if someone posts 'Do I know you' Angry

OP posts:
cookielove · 01/05/2011 20:22

Oh dear let it go op LET IT GO

MooMooFarm · 01/05/2011 20:24

OP I don't want to jump on the bandwagon here but you really are taking this waaaaaaaaaaaay too seriously. You spoke to a total stranger for what, an hour or so tops probably, and pushed for a date which he (the STRANGER) backed out of. End of story.

My advice to you is to forget men for now. For whatever reason you sound quite fragile and vulnerable, so concentrate on building up your self esteem by surrounding yourself with friends and family who care about you. Concentrate on having fun with them, do as much socially as you can, but don't chat up any men. If you see someone you like, let him chat YOU up!

If somebody likes you enough, he will do the running. Jesus, men are desparate enough to get laid that you shouldn't have to stalk them into it!

Be kind to yourself and have some self respect Smile

gillybean2 · 01/05/2011 20:25

I had a friend presure me into exchanging emails/numbers with someone she worked with. I wasn't keen but she made him sound really nice and I thought ok stop being miserable and lets try.
He knocked me back, because he wasn't ready (and in reality neither was I). His wife had left him with their kids and he was trying to deal with that. She was telling him he needed to move on and get out there (and tellign me the same). The reality is he wasn't ready, and in forcig the issue she set me back hugely on being ready to put myself out there again.

What I'm saying is there could be any number of reasons he said yes initially and then changed his mind. Being able to deal with this minor rejection and accepting it for what it is (and what was it really?) will show whether you are ready to be out there dating or if you need more time before you are ready to delve back into that game!

I don't think you are really ready for it. Maybe when you are happier with yourself, (changing your mn name may be an indication of when you are happier less desperate ) you'll possibly be more ready.

Original poster
Missingfriendsandsad · 01/05/2011 20:26

I do have a copy of 'the rules' I'll get it down from the loft tonight. Thanks

OP posts:
Finallyspring · 01/05/2011 20:27

Don't understand your last two posts OP

Was sympathetic at first. Had many experiences like yours in my single life. Men are apparently gagging for it the whole time. Not my experience as a single woman. I get what you are saying about turning down a date on a bank holiday weekend totally. You got on, you're pleasant, you arranged a date. I completely understand why you are puzzled and angry why it didn't go further.

It's just that your posts have deteriorated somewhat over the course of the evening. Beginning to look odder than it seems

atswimtwolengths · 01/05/2011 20:27

OP, can you tell us how many texts you have sent him since you left the pub? And then tell us how many he sent?

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 01/05/2011 20:28

OP - you actually sound really arrogant, in addition to being a total lunatic.

Just accept that there was no chemistry, despite what you've manufactured in your mind.

allgonebellyup · 01/05/2011 20:28

Ahhhh, dont go into your loft to get "The Rules" out! Really, really, DON'T!
Just forget men, and stop thinking about everything so much!

razzlebathbone · 01/05/2011 20:29

I have a theory: sorry it's going to sound harsh but I think the mate said you should ask the man out on a date because he was winding him up (you may have already been sending out stalker vibes) - that's why the man looked shocked. Then the man wrote a FAKE mobile number. When you started texting the fake number whoever got your texts was replying and going along with it for a laugh but then felt a bit bad and sheepish and didn't want to go as far as letting you turn up to the restaurant, so s/he admitted that s/he had no idea who you were.

Sorry.

Original poster
Missingfriendsandsad · 01/05/2011 20:29

sorry I have been on the wine a bit and I do have a sense of humour that means I see the perversity of things and plays up to them a bit - I blame it on living in scotland with a definite billy connolly type character.. Thanks for your post it makes me feel a lot better - that is exactly how I feel.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 01/05/2011 20:30

It is possible that he deleted your number after he said he couldn't make the meal, so when you text again he didn't know who the fuck you were!

DontGoCurly · 01/05/2011 20:30

lol is that you CotswoldCountryMummy?

Writing style is so familiar!

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 01/05/2011 20:31

Good lord, you are the same person as the facebook uni friends saga.

In all seriousness, I think you need to take some steps to sort out your self esteem.

allgonebellyup · 01/05/2011 20:31

Fabby, now THAT would make perfect sense!
Have done the same myself several times!

madonnawhore · 01/05/2011 20:31

For god's sake don't read the fucking Rules! If you're filling your head with that shit then it's no wonder you seem desperate and needy.

You had a chat with a guy in a pub, he agreed to a date and then changed his mind. He doesn't owe you anything.

What do you think the responses would be if you were a guy demanding an explanation from a girl who had quite reasonably changed her mind?

Finallyspring · 01/05/2011 20:31

I'm with you OP !

Finallyspring · 01/05/2011 20:33

They got on exchanged numbers and arranged a meal. Why is it desperate and needy to expect he would follow through !

FabbyChic · 01/05/2011 20:34

Sounds to me too like he was kinda pushed into a date by his friend, don't think he would have asked you off his own back.

Maybe you come across as too pushy.

madonnawhore · 01/05/2011 20:35

They only met for a few hours. He's entitled to change his mind.

Original poster
Missingfriendsandsad · 01/05/2011 20:35

Oh I can tell you text amounts - I sent two, he sent a reply after each then a further two, then next day I asked dinner in two days, he said can't when else are you free, I said poss sat, then not till next fri or sat but would be free the week after, he replied saying so could it be possible sat? I said, yes, I could do sat if planned now I suggested restaurant, he said 'great you got me in one' , then I texted sat and said 'hope you are still free for tonight, table at 8 if we want it do you fancy a drink first; then 'something came up was just about to text you' I said 'thought you would do better than that, lucky its early!', he then texted this am to say 'sorry I don't know who this is.

OP posts:
WolfShapedBullet · 01/05/2011 20:36

Agree with posters who've said to have a break from the man-hunting and be kind to yourself.
When a man is really into you dating etc. is very easy and definitely not hard work, mind games or chasing around.
If you are for real, take a bit of time for yourself and don't attach marriag fantasies to every chap who takes your fancy. You don't sound very stable at present, good luck.

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