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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get an autistic man stopped by police

198 replies

dimaggio · 27/04/2011 11:40

I feel a little guilty after an occurrence yesterday in the station waiting for a train home. Story cut short I saw a youngish man (20s probably) appearing to show too much interest in children hanging around (this being about 4pm when kids are going home from school), frequently looking or staring at children, or standing very close to people, that?s how it looked to me anyway. I asked one of the British Transport police to keep an eye on him, and they duly followed him before pulling him over after stopping at a leaflet rack for a look where there happened to be other children. He looked totally flustered but looked to be attempting to answer questions politely. When police came back to me they said they eventually found an autism alert card which went some way to explaining his unusual social behaviour, and confusion/uncommunicativeness. Apparently they took his details but only advised him to be careful looking at or standing close to people in a public place. (no arrest, search or charge)

I feel quite bad now as from the little I know about Autism/Aspergers people are very likely to be misunderstood (eg certain colours people are wearing, spacial awareness, how actions are perceived even if they have no bad intent). I put this gentleman in a frightening position being approached by two authority figures who were not exactly easy on him when he was probably just going for his train home. Then again, is this better than letting a genuine offender escape notice and do something? Catch 22 to me.

OP posts:

ElsieR · 27/04/2011 11:45

YANBU. You didn't do anything, just told police to keep an eye on the guy. It was THEY who made the decision to approach the man. And even then nothing happened. You acted on gut feeling and it probably the right thing to do.

wolfhound · 27/04/2011 11:45

YABU. I think you were on paedo-alert. Someone in a public place looking at children (and adults)? Hardly abuse and rather OTT of you. Poor man. What do you mean by genuine offender? Nothing had happened. But I appreciate you feel bad about it.

pineapple70 · 27/04/2011 11:47

You weren't to know and these sort of confusing things will have been happening and will continue to happen to this young man for years. That's what the card is for.
You did the right thing entirely.

GypsyMoth · 27/04/2011 11:48

i think yabu to insinuate the police approaching him would have scared him....and that they 'werent easy on him'.....police are human and spend alot of time asissting vulnerable people,so are used to it and will have summed up the situation fairly quickly

nobody was the bad guy here

worraliberty · 27/04/2011 11:48

He looked dodgy to you so you alerted the Police...I don't see the problem.

I'm very surprised they didn't search him though. That's bad Policing at its best

fyrtlemertile · 27/04/2011 11:49

YANBU, you were not to know. It can't have been a pleasant experience for him but its not like you were trying to upset him.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 27/04/2011 11:52

Worral - Search him for what? Search him for doing what?

Dim - YABU - there was a guy in a public place, watching other people in a public place - 'appearing' to show too much interest in children ... FFS.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 27/04/2011 11:54

Anyway Worral - they 'eventually found an autism alert card' doesn't this indicate they did search the poor guy who wasn't actually doing anything wrong?

Mamaz0n · 27/04/2011 11:54

Ds is autistic. He has literally NO social understanding.

Chances are he could have similar happen to him. You were not to know he was autistic and if his behaviour concerned you you were right to ask the police.

I would hate to think that in future someone with genuinly worrying behaviour was not reported for fear of it being someone with SN.

I am sure that once police were made aware of his SN they reacted appropriately. He is an adult and out in public, atism aside, he will need to learn boundaries. they can only be learned by pointing out when he crosses them.

don't beat yourself up.

colditz · 27/04/2011 11:57

The police now get training on how to deal with Autistic individuals. Actually, the police are mainly very clear with EVERYONE about their expectations, and are less likely to cause upset and confusion than, for example, a random stranger having a go for apparently no reason ("You shouldn't be looking at those children, it's not right, a man of your age, what do you think you're doing, hey?" as opposed to "I want you to go out of the park, sir, because you appear to be loitering. Go home.".

orangehead · 27/04/2011 11:57

for the guy but then at the same time you did nothing wrong, thats what the card is there for.

WhiteBumOfTheMountain · 27/04/2011 11:57

The OP had now way of knowing he was Auistic did she? No. SHe only saw a man behaving in an odd way. She did the right thing.

Anyway....does Autism exclude him from being a target of suspicion?

Morloth · 27/04/2011 11:59

Only you know whether YABU really. Because you were the one there. We didn't see how he was acting/doing etc.

Just hanging around looking at kids isn't actually a bad thing, but there are ways people sometimes act that set off your radar.

worraliberty · 27/04/2011 12:00

Worral - Search him for what? Search him for doing what?

Perhaps it's an area thing but where I live (London Borough) anyone stopped by Police because they're considered to be acting suspiciously is automatically searched.

orangehead · 27/04/2011 12:01

No autism should'nt exclude you from suspicion. But for someone who has autism that behaviour is normal and you woud'nt be suspicious of someone acting normal

Ephiny · 27/04/2011 12:02

YABU, unless he was doing something else to raise suspicion other than just 'looking'. Are we seriously reporting people to the police now for looking at someone else's child, just in case they're a 'genuine offender'? Don't you think that's a little bit ridiculous?

coppertop · 27/04/2011 12:02

I don't really understand why you would report someone to the police for looking at people or even standing too close to them, but obviously I wasn't there to see what happened.

SoupDragon · 27/04/2011 12:03

Did they "find" an autism alert card by searching him or by asking him for ID and helping him find it in his wallet?

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 27/04/2011 12:03

You noticed behaviour that was outside what people believe to be the norm. You alerted someone. They spoke to the person. It was resolved.

You did nothing wrong.

My children have autism. If they were out alone (they can't be out alone, but if they could!) and they were behaving in a socially unacceptable, inappropriate or unusual way, then I would hope that they would be helped, suppported, guided, whatever.

A person with autism can be very vulnerable.

I expect that it was probably very stressful for him to be approached like that, but it was for the best. He may have needed some help or support.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 27/04/2011 12:05

I am basing that, of course, on what I'd want for my children. I'd hate them to be alone in a situation where they weren't behaving appropriately and there was nobody there to help them.

SoupDragon · 27/04/2011 12:09

Take the autism out of the equation. If you saw a lone man staring at children and acting oddly interested i them, would you just ignore it? TBH, the fact that the man in question turned out to be autistic is neither here nor there. You cant ignore what you see as suspicious behaviour just in case there is an invisible SN involved.

SoupDragon · 27/04/2011 12:10

Last summer there was a single man acting suspiciously in the children's playground. The police approached him, talked, asked for ID and made him move on. His reason for acting oddly was that he was drunk.

colditz · 27/04/2011 12:10

I would much rather my son got told to "Go home" by the police than lynched by an ignorant peedo huntin' mob!

Gracie123 · 27/04/2011 12:12

In our town we have fountains in the town centre that kids love to play in when it's hot.

My sister and I took our kids for the afternoon there and there was a guy maybe in his 30s who looked ASD to me (classic finger snapping etc) who was having a lovely time splashing in the fountains with the kids.

I wad pretty upset to here a shop security officer radio the police about this person (with a rather unkind description) and the police showed up and moved him on.

The kids weren't scared at all, and don't have exclusive rights over the fountain. I understand the police have to attend when someone makes a complaint, but I can't understand why he wasn't allowed to play in the fountains on a really hot day. Seems so sad that people would confuse this behaviour as being predatory.

If you were really worried about you kid you should just stay with them and watch them.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 27/04/2011 12:15

You called it as you saw it and there's absolutely no need for you to blame/shame yourself because you acted responsibly from the best possible motives.

I hope this outcome won't stop you being proactive in future.

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