to get an autistic man stopped by police

[dimaggio]

I feel a little guilty after an occurrence yesterday in the station waiting for a train home. Story cut short I saw a youngish man (20s probably) appearing to show too much interest in children hanging around (this being about 4pm when kids are going home from school), frequently looking or staring at children, or standing very close to people, that?s how it looked to me anyway. I asked one of the British Transport police to keep an eye on him, and they duly followed him before pulling him over after stopping at a leaflet rack for a look where there happened to be other children. He looked totally flustered but looked to be attempting to answer questions politely. When police came back to me they said they eventually found an autism alert card which went some way to explaining his unusual social behaviour, and confusion/uncommunicativeness. Apparently they took his details but only advised him to be careful looking at or standing close to people in a public place. (no arrest, search or charge)

I feel quite bad now as from the little I know about Autism/Aspergers people are very likely to be misunderstood (eg certain colours people are wearing, spacial awareness, how actions are perceived even if they have no bad intent). I put this gentleman in a frightening position being approached by two authority figures who were not exactly easy on him when he was probably just going for his train home. Then again, is this better than letting a genuine offender escape notice and do something? Catch 22 to me.

I often stand too close to people at the railway station and stare at children but then I am a miserable old commuter who gets easily irritated.

I hope seekers comment was not in response to CarrotsAreNotTheOnlyVegetables post.. I didn't realize sexual abuse of children was considered cool to mock on MN

Vajazzhands - but the harassment of innocent people is OK?

Of course the sexual abuse of children is not a suitable subject for mockery.

But the " He looked a bit strange - I had a feeling about him. Ad he was looing at a child so I told the police." mindset is!

well said, coppertop. I'm glad there are a few voices of a reason on this thread.

seeker - he wasn't arrested, he was just asked a few questions. As soon as they found he had autism they let him go on his way.

Groping isn't a joke, especially for a 13 yo. How would you like that to happen to your DD? Would you be so dismissive if your DD came home and told you she had had her breasts and genitals grabbed by a nasty pervert while he breathed down her neck and laughed? How would you feel if it could have been prevented by someone noticing his suspicious behaviour telling the police to watch him?

Or are you saying it is OK to risk children being sexually assaulted rather than risk hurting someone's feelings by having a word with them?

well most gardai would approach in a respectful manner and just ask questions,assertain the situation for themselves rather than a persons perception of it.

smallwhitecat - no-one knew he had an ASD until the police spoke to him. Once they knew he had an ASD they left him alone.

relax originator; and try and learn from the incident. Thats all any of us can do.

No SWC all I have seen is some people say certain behaviours shoudl be questioned. I don't see anything that says anyone should be harrassed.

I think seeker cooment was disgusting though and will report it. I'm very sorry CarrotsAreNotTheOnlyVegetables had to read it.

would the OP and all those who think she is NBU feel the same and that "no harm was done" if the police had come up to them accusing them of looking shifty around kids?

Having been sexually assaulted by a stranger when I was young at least twice, none of my attackers spent a long time planning it by standing close to me or staring at me for ages, they relied on the element of surprise.

Behaving in a slightly odd way does not mean you're more likely to be a paedophile.

I don't find any of this funny. Particularly inference that people with autism should never be allowed any attempts at independence in case they look at people a bit funny or act odd.

Of course being groped is not acceptable and isn't a joke - but this man hadn't groped or touched anyone, nor was there any reason to think he would. All he's done was look at people. Which for a slightly 'odd' looking/acting person is apparently enough to get you reported to the police now.

no one was accused,questions were asked Fanjo.

If I were hanging around staring at kids I'd probably expect it tbh Fanjo.

Several people at the begining of this thread with children who have SN agreed with the OP. But as usual on MN only certain posters are allowed to have opinions and the rest should shut the hell up.

I'll hide this thread now because the recent comments have been really nasty.

I still don't understand what threat staring at children constitutes.

I have said several times that the op may have been reasonable if she felt threatened.

I am talking in general. Why is an 'odd' person being near to children or staring at children a threat that requires police involvement?

oh i hate when people start banging on about "only certain people can have opinions" just because people don't agree with them on AIBU..how childish.

From what I have read most actual paedophiles do not look strange or behave in strange manners, but are usually very normal looking. So if we really wanted to keep our children safe, perhaps we should report anyone who looked too pleasant and normal.

As long as there is no evidence that someone who behaves in a socially odd way is more likely to be a paedophile, there would seem to be little of a safety advantage in reporting someone for behaving in a socially odd way.

Wasn't refering to you Pag actually, but am off now.

I think the OP behaved entirely reasonably and so did the police by the sounds of it.

A question for the OP - what do you think you would do now if a similar situation arose?

I find it difficult to comprehend reporting to the police but then again I grew up with a severely autistic brother and my DS is autistic. I tend to be able to sense something, even in children / adults who are pretty mild - so my first reaction would probably be to keep an eye on them to see if they were ok more than anything else. Train stations are stressful places for the majority of us, let alone someone with ASD. It can exaggerate odd behaviour even more.

If the man was anything like my 26 year old brother, he probably just wanted to play. As a side note - I didn't know about the autism alert card. Will sort one of those out.