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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how you cope with teens in a city ? schools ...gangs etc ?

197 replies

doley · 26/04/2011 15:33

We left SW London 5 years ago .

Now we live in a very rural area in the states ,but ,will be returning to the UK (country this time ) later in the year :)

How do your teens cope /and enjoy life ? ~what do they get up to ?

I couldn't see my boys fitting in /coping with London life again after a much gentler slower place of life .(they are not un-streetwise btw, just now 'from here ' )

AIBU to think I would be a nervous wreck each time they left the house for fun, or just a daily journey to school ? Male gangs particularly concern and frighten me .

I do not read the Daily Mail that much Grin

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 26/04/2011 15:35

If you are moving to the country, then I wouldnt worry too much. I live in SW London, and the Daily Mail is actually spot on when it comes to the stories about gangs of teenagers, (and it isnt just the boys either).

expatinscotland · 26/04/2011 15:36

But if you'll be in the country, it doesn't go to follow there would be many male gangs, yeah?

You won't be in a city/London, so what are the concerns?

FabbyChic · 26/04/2011 15:40

I live in a city and there are no news reports of gangs either male or female.

Do your homework before moving back, but realistically stay out of London or high crime spots.

bruffin · 26/04/2011 15:45

We live in Herts within walking distance of London and gangs are not really a problem here, although we do have a bit of a problem with kids coming out on the trains from london, mugging and then going straight back on the train.

DS 15 does hang out with a group on friday night which are mostly girls, will spend saturday afternoon having a picnic by the river etc
The best thing is to get them lots to do ie join scouts/adventure scouts, cadets etc and keep them busy.

Original poster
doley · 26/04/2011 15:46

My concerns are even visiting( to be honest )still have a lot of family there ~I am not a helicopter parent and would like the boys (when older to have freedom )

My sons are striking (sorry a brag ) they look like pretty boys ...they could be a target .:(

A pacifist myself ,I am looking in to self -defense for them ~that is how it plays on my mind .

I know things can kick off in the country ,but not on the way to school or researching a school project in an unfamiliar area at the W/end ?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 26/04/2011 15:49

How old are your sons?

breathing · 26/04/2011 15:49

Gangs?

senua · 26/04/2011 15:50

Boys like to be in gangs, tis their nature. It's your job as parent to try to make sure that they get in the right gang.Wink
I suggest that you get them enrolled in a sport so that the team is their 'gang'.

Original poster
doley · 26/04/2011 15:52

When we move back they will be 13 and 8 .

Obviously ,the 8 year old is is not going anywhere; but the countdown begins for the eldest right ? Grin

OP posts:
breathing · 26/04/2011 15:54

I must live in a vaccum because I have never seen a gang

mumblechum1 · 26/04/2011 15:55

We live 35 outside London and 16 yr old ds very occasionally goes into London with a friend or two, but as they're just going to the tourist areas, has never had a problem.

Unless your boys are going to the really rough inner city bits, they'll be fine.

breathing · 26/04/2011 15:55

or a spellcheck by the looks of it

worraliberty · 26/04/2011 15:56

I really don't get this thread.

You're going to be moving to the UK countryside so what is the worry about gangs when they visit family?

Do you think they've going to be bundled into the back of a BMW on the way to Auntie Violet's house? Confused

Original poster
doley · 26/04/2011 16:05

Worra ha ha ~ We still have family and friends there ...they will want to visit ~I said as much in second post .

It is not unheard of for any youngster to run in to trouble ,and yes,even when they are visiting Auntie Violet .

I was raised in London , I am very familiar with how things can take off (and that was in the 80's )

I am really suspecting/hoping that I am being over -cautious ,and wanted feedback from those living and coping with teens in a city these days !

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 26/04/2011 16:09

You'd better not move at all then, just to be on the safe side Hmm

Original poster
doley · 26/04/2011 16:14

bitOfFun Confused

OP posts:
ShirleyKnot · 26/04/2011 16:14

uh..yabu?

I don't understand this thread, are you seriously worried that your son might joing a gang if he goes into town at the weekend or something?

London isn't a seething mass of gang warfare. Really, it isn't.

Original poster
doley · 26/04/2011 16:16

See,I guess this thread will go all the way of so many others ...OP asks a question important/valid to them and then we get a wise crack ... then all the others feel its fine to mock too .

OP posts:
mumblechum1 · 26/04/2011 16:16

OP, unless you are planning on living full time in one of the seedier parts of London, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Ephiny · 26/04/2011 16:17

I would think 'gangs' are mostly dangerous for those who choose to be involved in that sort of lifestyle. Yes there are occasional tragic stories where someone inadvertently gets caught up in violence while going about their ordinary business, but it is rare, really wouldn't be top of my list of things to worry about (and I live in a 'rough' area of London).

The most dangerous thing in London will probably be the traffic, if you're used to (a) a quiet rural area and (b) cars driving on the other side!

Original poster
doley · 26/04/2011 16:18

Not that he might join a gang ...more that I am wondering how much trouble is really out there/or not ? hopefully :)

I am glad to hear from you shirleyknot that IABU .

OP posts:
ShirleyKnot · 26/04/2011 16:19

yeah, either that or your question isn't clearly framed.

ShirleyKnot · 26/04/2011 16:19

tut, and now I've cross posted.

I give up today, really I do.

BitOfFun · 26/04/2011 16:20

I live in a city, and agree with Ephony and others. Have had no trouble with my dss, aged 15. But then, maybe he's just not much of a looker? Grin

Firawla · 26/04/2011 16:20

I don't think its an issue at all for visiting...
gang problems seem to be mainly between people who are actually affiliated to gangs don't they?? soo if your ds does not even live in the area and is not involved at all it should hopefully just pass him by?
we are in London and not noticed any effect of gang issues, my dc are young still so not relevant for them but dh also grew up here as a teenager and never had any gang related problems. i think you are overly worrying about it tbh

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