to ask how you cope with teens in a city ? schools ...gangs etc ?

[doley]

We left SW London 5 years ago .

Now we live in a very rural area in the states ,but ,will be returning to the UK (country this time ) later in the year :)

How do your teens cope /and enjoy life ? ~what do they get up to ?

I couldn't see my boys fitting in /coping with London life again after a much gentler slower place of life .(they are not un-streetwise btw, just now 'from here ' )

AIBU to think I would be a nervous wreck each time they left the house for fun, or just a daily journey to school ? Male gangs particularly concern and frighten me .

I do not read the Daily Mail that much

[Gertiegoolash]

I totally agree thefirstMrsDeVere.

[doley]

Yes,squeaky it does .

It can escalate very fast ,I knew the old rules ...

I have no idea how to even play the game with teens these days .

Another thread I should think but ,(sorry) my DH is very good looking also .he encountered trouble commuting on the tube ~he can take care of himself ...goodness knows what a kid could do to get help ?

It takes one ass .just one ...:(

[GitAwfMayLend]

There are issues wherever you are.

We live in a city centre, but a small poxy city. It is rough though so DD is not allowed out unless she is going somwhere, and she is not allowed to get the bus back on her own in the dark etc. It means that she is ferried everywhere by me, and does a lot of organised activities (cadets, sports etc) but at least she is not hanging round parks etc.

In fact I have found living in a city easier and safer than living in a small town. We moved from seaside Devon. Kids her age (15) are allowed out at all hours unsupervised because the place is inherently very safe. fact is there is bugger all to do (NO clubs) so the kids hang round caves/beaches smoking pot, taking cocaine (incredible amount of young teens use coke recreationally, which I think is astounding) and mephadrone, and drinking. Really bad drugs culture in an area you would imagine would be the safest place in the world to raise teens.

[mathanxiety]

Doley I think your question is sensible as you are coming from the US to the UK. British teens in a lot of cases seem to operate like a little tribe unto themselves at a much earlier age than American middle class teens do. There's a cultural difference and I think you are right to be aware that the rural US world they have known and even the UK rural one they will be entering will be different. American children can live remarkably sheltered lives without being the least bit hidden away or raised in a cave. I like Pagwatch's and MrsdeVere's advice, and urge you to get your boys into sports and other activities. Choose your eventual neighbourhood carefully.

[doley]

pagwatch you are right it is not a solitary factor ...but it is a massive one .

No child deserves to be singled out .

[squeakytoy]

Ugly kids get picked on.. good looking kids get picked on. Children can be nasty and vindictive.

In a small rural area there is a lot less chance of bullying escalating into gang warfare. In inner cities, it happens and it is quite scary too.

[doley]

maththank you :) spot -on !

My perspective is as you have stated ~I will take you advice .

[Pagwatch]

doley
I know. But you were asking why that question grated with some. I am trying to explain why it might.

Imagine I had posted your op with "and of course we are hugely wealthy and ds has quite obviously expensive clothes and a rolex. So is even more of a target"

Yes it would be true and is a valid contributing factor. But adding it won't much change the replies I would get and sounds a bit..well.

Do you see what I mean?
Your sons looks do not massively alter his vulnerability and going on about looks could possibly be misconstrued as boasting.
That's all.

[Gertiegoolash]

I think innocent kids can get caught up in stuff regardless of their looks, it could be that they are the wrong colour, religion ect or simply because they are in the wrong place at the wrong time. It IS scary but I suppose we can't lock our kids away or wrap them in cotton wool, just steer them on the right path and hope they stay on it.

[Pagwatch]

Actually he doesn't have a rolex.....

[doley]

I understand pagwatch Thanks .

I just see his looks when out alone as a contributing factor (as it was for me )

Nothing, groups of kids enjoy more than to try the "oh look at the pretty boy,lets see if he can fight too ?"

I can see where you are coming from ~I just wanted to explain my personal fears clearly :)

[BitOfFun]

I am so glad you started this thread too. I sometimes forget that unless you tell people exactly what they want to hear that they will be dismissive of your contribution and passive-aggressively thank those they deem 'useful' and 'valid'. It never fails to amuse me. Gettng called a cunt is just a bonus

[Goblinchild]

They are more likely to be targeted if they amble along looking like hick American tourists TBH, gormless and clueless. Regardless of how cute they are.
My DS is gorgeous.
However, when walking anywhere he is very fast and looks like the Wrath of God incarnate with a definite look of smiting about him. So he's not seen as a soft target. DD less so, but she is very street wise.
Teach them some city skills, make sure they know where they are going, what to avoid and when to stay out of an area. And out of trouble.

[Pagwatch]

sure.

My ds1 plays rugby and is 6ft. That worries me enormously as he thinks that as he can look after himself on the rugby field that he is fine. He is a straight up, honourable sort and can not conceive that someone would attack from behind, or attack with their friends rather than one to one.
He is so not street wise.

I grew up in rough part of London but he is cliche 'nice' school boy. It is hopeless.
I just have to talk and talk and talk........

Mind you ds2 with sn is the most vulnerable. People with disabilities are such an easy target.

[Pagwatch]

Bof
You're a cunt. But thanks for your contribution.
Hths

[wordfactory]

Having spent ten years working with disadvantaged kids, mostly in SW London, I can assure you that there is most definitely a gang problem.

This manifests itself as a problem for those lulled into joining gangs (not likely for those visiting as the point of them is to provide a feeling of beolonging and protection for those living closest...often the turf involved is literally streets) but also for those targeted by them.

An unknown young man or woman in certain areas might attract attention and be robbed or set upon. Fighting back is a daft idea IMHO, as many gang members carry knives etc.
Avoidance of such areas is the best tactic...which is why it is so awful for those living in those areas and have no choices.

[Pagwatch]

[suck up]

[Goblinchild]

I agree that self-defence classes should be exactly that; how to be aware and keep yourself as safe as possible, how to spot and avoid potential conflict and if all else fails, how to disable an opponent and run away.
Rather than learning the 14 different stances of the Flying Wombat and how to count to 10 in Japanese. Which is fun, but can get you into trouble if the one confronting you has a knife, mates and local knowledge.

[Clytaemnestra]

OP, I know where yo are coming from - my dad has lived in the US (California and Washington) for nearly 10 years now and he has spoken before about how different things are for kids in the US, just the experiences of his peers with their children - it is more sheltered so I totally understand your concerns.

I don't have any easy answers really, I lived in North London for years in what is an area going downhill fast in terms of stabbings and gangs - I don't think I'd want to live there now we have DD and she's only small, I would certainly not be there when she was a teen. Not sure where you'll be, but schools are one of the main reasons I'd be concerned as well, unless you intend to go private, as it's a real lottery.

Is it just family you're visiting in London?

[flyingspaghettimonster]

IMO teens can be horrible or lovely anywhere in the world... We grew up in a Cambridgeshire village and there was a gang there ever night on the rec, horrible kids, smoking, swearing, drinking and occasionally beating up younger kids... doesn't necessarily mean your kids will be part of it - we just didn't go near there. I can kind of see your concern a bit if your kids will have american accents, they may get teased more at school... I worry about that with my kids who now all sound American, if we have to move back. I also worry that I don't think UK schools are as friendly and welcoming as the schools they are at over here seem to be. There is no bullying at their school - none at all. I couldn't say that of any of my schools I attended in UK... I think there is more emphasis on that over here in the States. I guess because kids have easier access to firearms so it pays to ensure they are all happier?

[JamaicaGeisha]

It depends what your kids look like, how they talk, walk and carry themselves, and where they go. Also girls tend to be much safer than boys.

If you look rich, talk posh, and walk through certain estates at night, then you're risking getting robbed.

However, no one is going to force your sons to join a gang when they're not even from the area.

[doley]

We will mainly just be visiting family ,and he has friends from before the move :)clytaemnestra

They don't sound that American ,and will be attending a very good local (outstanding apparently school)~I am hoping ...

My son is not particularly un -streetwise ,but as others have pointed out, I am in the US right now ~he has done the bulk of his growing up here .

I think rural DORSET will be alright ,I will discourage any day trips for the moment :) lol !

[Goblinchild]

You are moving to Dorset FGS?

Not many cripps/bloods gangs there. Some ferocious OAPs though.

[doley]

Just in case it was missed earlier on ,I am not worried him joining a gang ...more the trouble he could get from one if things went wrong when he was going about his day .

[doley]

goblin tell me about it