to ask how you cope with teens in a city ? schools ...gangs etc ?

[doley]

We left SW London 5 years ago .

Now we live in a very rural area in the states ,but ,will be returning to the UK (country this time ) later in the year :)

How do your teens cope /and enjoy life ? ~what do they get up to ?

I couldn't see my boys fitting in /coping with London life again after a much gentler slower place of life .(they are not un-streetwise btw, just now 'from here ' )

AIBU to think I would be a nervous wreck each time they left the house for fun, or just a daily journey to school ? Male gangs particularly concern and frighten me .

I do not read the Daily Mail that much

Then tell him to stick to mainstream areas. The last train back to Dorset probably leaves about 7pm anyway.

It's why I'll never visit the States you know, everyone has got guns and an attitude. I've seen it on the telly.

Thanks goblin :)

I don't want to be a helicopter Mom ,but need to protect ~it is tricky isn't it ?

There is more danger in the US than here so I wouldn't worry.

Some of us pay school fees and ensure our children are in a peer group where they are unlkely to be amongst any street violence or in rough areas and we give them the life skills to enable them to sense danger wherever they are even in the rough gun toting US of A.

goblin yes ,there are guns everywhere ,I am forever falling over them !:)

Yes Xenia, and the rest of us don't give the tiniest shit...

xenia the second part of your post was a joke right ? :)

The rough parts here look remarkably like normal neighborhoods ~you would have to be very clever to suss them out as a teen from the UK .

Best way to protect a teenager is to transfer your skills and knowledge to them.
rather than worrying about everything being scary and bad.
Teach them how to be safe and then let them practise without you.

For being so supposedly sheltered in the US, because of course, that's true of all the millions of people who live there , I found drugs available with rather shocking ease. There was no need to even go near gang members to get them, either.

Oh Dear xenia some of us dont have to pay as we have grammar schools

private schools around here are really just for children with certain learning problems

expat true ...several households round here (for example ) are doing a very nice trade however ...

I think that in the US though ,to encounter gangs you have to go to their world ,they don't usually turn up in the local Wally world .

Unlike the UK ,where stabbings/drug deals can breeze through most neighborhoods .:(

I find the risk of mass shootings scary, though I know they are rare and do occur in other nations (Germany, the Netherlands and Finland have had mass shootings recently ).

I would have thought you'd also have to travel to the proper 'world' IYKWIM to encounter gangs here as well, but I don't know London at all.

DS1 is 12 and whilst I don't let him roam the streets etc he does (ocassionaly) go out alone and travels to and from school daily alone.
He has AS and I do worry he will get involved in a gang however so far so good.

And I do live in one of Londons "Seedier" areas.

Have read responses as far as olderandwider.

My ds has been sort-of-mugged on the way to school - 'tis a rite of passage. I've been mugged. Three of my male friends have been stabbed on suspicion of homosexuality. I've intervened in a mugging. I've intervened in a gang incident, where a young man was being chased and attacked, almost certainly gang-related.

The interesting thing is - I scarcely register all that, and would say, generally, and truthfully, that gang culture is not, really, an issue for me.

And it isn't, really. Me and mine are on the periphery because we don't live in one of the "gang" bits of SW London, and, more importantly, there is a class/race angle to gang culture, as others have pretty much pointed out.

I think it's nothing short of a tragedy, and not just for "innocent" victims.

I also wish that people cared more, and more consistently, and not just at the level of "Could myself or my family be an 'innocent' victim?"

OP - in answer to your question - as others have said, traffic is a more realistic worry.

Actually, OP, you really are being massively, massively Unreasonable.

I'm sorry, but there is something really, really stomach-tightening in your attitude.

I think it's this: Gang-culture is destroying families in certain sections of some communities, and pulling those communities apart. It's a real problem. It destroys lives, ambition, hope, and actually kills in some cases.

There is something really awful about the fact that you seem almost to be revelling in the fact of your marginality from that problem. Lucky, lucky you. Your revelling, under the pretence of concern that your children might be "innocent" victims, I think, articulates a hidden attitude in most people. And it works to keep the issue low on the political agenda.

That really, really upsets me.

It's totally, totally unfunny.

Sorry. I just can't be dealing with this. Have a fab time in Dorset. Go get fat on cream teas. And careful not to let any cows fall on you.

[stands up and claps animula]

You won't find gangs in Dorset.

What you will find in the towns is lots of young and older teens drinking and doing drugs, and quite a lot of casual violence, beating people up for looking different, looking at them, etc.

So quite like most places in the UK on a Fri and Sat night.

Personally, I felt safer in London as it has clearly demarcated posher areas, and rougher areas (which I've lived in) where you need to be more alert and streetwise. In a small rural town, someone can just dislike you and come up and break your nose. Most of my male friends have been in fights (not provoked by them) where we grew up (rural). But there's fewer knives and no guns really.

Young males are the most at risk group of attack, so you are best off teaching them how to be streetwise and handle themselves wherever you live, and not just assume they will be eating cream teas...

Goblinchild speaks sense.

I have absolutely no knowledge or experience of gangs. Its a different world for me.It sounds awful and I can see why someone would be frightened for their kids.

I am not worried about Dorset ,I am not gloating .

I have strong connections in London ...Wandsworth to be exact .

My boys will go to LONDON ON THEIR OWN AT SOME POINT ... I am allowed to be worried about my own blood .

It is a sad fact that the majority of the deaths, woundings and gangs involve the Black communities . Which is why so many white citizens feel it's not a problem they need to deal with, only avoid.
It is natural to want to keep your children safe, however old they are and however slight the risk. I didn't read any gloating or schadenfreude in doley's posts.