to ask how you cope with teens in a city ? schools ...gangs etc ?

[doley]

We left SW London 5 years ago .

Now we live in a very rural area in the states ,but ,will be returning to the UK (country this time ) later in the year :)

How do your teens cope /and enjoy life ? ~what do they get up to ?

I couldn't see my boys fitting in /coping with London life again after a much gentler slower place of life .(they are not un-streetwise btw, just now 'from here ' )

AIBU to think I would be a nervous wreck each time they left the house for fun, or just a daily journey to school ? Male gangs particularly concern and frighten me .

I do not read the Daily Mail that much

[Goblinchild]

I've always seen you more as a Gibbonwitharibbon BOF.
Hurling yourself randomly through the rainforest and snatching at branches in a haphazard fashion.

[doley]

cat64 if I am aimed that at you ,it might have been a mistake ?
There were a lot of posts coming at me ...

But I will take a look now .

[doley]

cat64 I think I quoted back at you as I thought you disagreed with something I said (you placed it in italics )

I don't think it was part of my original problem ?

Anyway ,sorry if it was misplaced ,I had to justify way too much today .

[mathanxiety]

Hmm, references to drunks roaming around in public -- you would never see that in vast swathes of the US, or large groups of young teens congregating outdoors to drink, smoke, etc. Indoors, maybe, but hardly ever boldly outdoors as in Britain (and Ireland). Americanised children might stand out in the UK for their gobsmacked expressions when confronted by sights like that. DD1 told me after a visit to Ireland when she was about 6, "I love Ireland because kids are wild and nobody cares", which is fairly true.

[bruffin]

"supurbophobe at 21:56:07 ^"ie join scouts/adventure scouts, cadets etc

hands up all of you whose teenage kids are into that "

Yes lots of teens - and it is silly attitudes like yours that probably stop more joining. Both my DCs are involved and a lot of their friends are as well.

[TandB]

Wow - this all went a bit random.
OP - I don't think people on MN tend to trawl through people's profiles to find out all about them so that they can invent jokes at their expense. I certainly don't. I wouldn't imagine that anyone on this thread knew you were a model, and I don't think it would have affected the random banter at all - since it wasn't about you.

The model goat/cow stuff sprang from a daft comment that Pagwatch made, pretending to misread "gloat" for "goat". I made a "fat goat" response and it all got a bit silly from there.

MN threads often go a bit random - no private jokes - just people being silly.

[Xenia]

Some children just are so namby pambied by their parentrs they don't develop life skills to deal with danger in all its forms whether that's riding, extreme, skiing or having to deal with the way the US locks up people without trial. Thankfully most of us don't have to live in the US which is a much more dangerous gun saturated place than the UK.

However if your children will be risking going out alone in Wandsworth then they need to learn as they also need to know in the US how to deal with avoiding danger.

[Onetoomanycornettos]

If they have pronounced American accents and are nice looking (so attract local girls) they are quite likely to attract negative attention in small-minded towns and villages in Dorset! That's exactly the type of 'difference' that seemed to set people off where I come from (similar to Dorset). Being physically confident, but able to back off when needed are good qualities in teenage boys (and girls, I have certainly been threatened in clubs etc myself).

[valiumredhead]

As someone mentioned earlier ( toomanycornettos?) it won't be the day trips to London where your boys will get into trouble - it'll be down the nice quiet Dorset playground of an evening when all the alcohol and drugs get handed around.

I have lived in London for 20 + years and I have lived in tiny quiet villages - it's the villages where there are more drugs ime. The Isle of Wight being an example - there were more drugs being handed around there when I was a teen than I EVER encountered on a daily basis in London. In London it's more 'diluted' IME - in quiet towns and villages teens are bored and there's nothing for them to do hence hanging out at the rec swilling back a bottle of cider

[Pagwatch]

Yes I raised the drink and drugs thing -far more relevant than most other perceived dangers. And I had a very nice line in attractive goat related humour. I was working on a pun about bleating disorders when it got all hostile.

[frogs]

My 12yo ds goes to a comprehensive in a London district that has recently been referred to as 'shank city'. He travels home through several similar areas, where there have also been recent stabbings and gang violence, and for good measure through the territory of two traditionally very rivalrous football clubs.

Do I worry about him and gangs? Yes and no. I worry about him getting inadvertently caught up in the crossfire of some kind of violence - that kind of random and unpredictable incident is particularly scary because you can't really help them to foresee or avoid it. I also worry a bit about him being robbed or attacked - we have drummed into him that if anyone tries to mug him he should hand over whatever it is they want and leg it as fast as he can. We have taught him never to square up to people, never to try and be lippy in a confrontation, and that there is no shame in running away. Those are useful skills for a teenage boy to acquire wherever he lives, random violence and aggro can happen anywhere, not just London and rough inner-city areas.

Do I worry about him joining a gang or otherwise getting involved in that side of life? No, because he is a sensible boy who has been helped to develop enough confidence and judgement to make good decisions about who he wants to hang out with, and has the ability to resist the more extreme types of peer pressure. We have also encouraged him to fill his spare time with activities that are a positive alternative to the negative kind of male culture that gangs embody - he plays a lot of sport both at school and in out-of-school clubs, wants to join cadets when he is 13 and only hangs out at friends houses by prior arrangement. He gets plenty of homework and his school are strict about it getting done, so tbh he doesn't have time to hang around in the kinds of groups that might morph into gangs, or just drinking and smoking or whatever. And FWIW he's a very pretty little boy, and he is an altar-server as well, who sometimes sings in the choir. None of that translates into hanging a 'please kick the daylights out of me' sign round his neck.

OP, I think you are being a bit silly and definitely prickly. Unless you live in the middle of the kind of estate where teenagers have to join gangs for self-protection, and as long as you teach your children basic self-preservation skills (not fighting, just how to not go looking for trouble and how to avoid trouble coming to look for you) there is no reason to assume that your dc will be any more likely to get caught up in violence than any other teenager.

[doley]

Thanks to all the new replies .

If I am "prickly" it is understandable if you read MY posts and saw that I was attacked in London as a teen .

I was able to get away ,a WPC (plain clothed ) came to my aid ~I have no idea what would have happened if she had not .

It was on a crowded train (underground ) NOT one person came to help ,NOT one . This was back in the late 80's ~I wanted to see how parents felt these days .

I am not worried about him joining a gang ,I am concerned about GROUPS of kids ~unfamiliar to him .

I will go on like this as it is amazing how one poster has an opinion and it is turned on its head and used against me as if it is MY feelings .

I hope you all have customized your settings so you can refer back to what the OP is saying ~NOT a group of cackling hens .

There is no political agenda ,no "us and them " it was post from a concerned Mom.

Btw ,I am well aware of local seaside crime ~I have teenage siblings in the same boat and I have a Dad (that as a youth ) would have been there enjoying the fights ...:(

As I grew up in London I 'get' it ,but had a valid question pertaining to life now.

And...I AM NOT WORRIED ABOUT DAY TRIPS TO THE V&A

[QuelleLeJeff]

"I hope you all have customized your settings so you can refer back to what the OP is saying ~NOT a group of cackling hens"

You really are coming across very badly you know? Sometimes, just sometimes when the majority view is that you are worrying unnecessarily and have a bad attitute, you are worrying unnecessarily and have a bad attitude.

[Pagwatch]

And bleating disorders is funny....

[QuelleLeJeff]

It really is pag.

DISCLAIMER: This post is a mild joke, this has no bearing on any part of this thread, the OP's profile, Pagwatch's Profile, My Profile, the BBC News at One or Mustard.

[doley]

I will accept that IABU in regard to worrying about the levels of crime my boys may come up against ,however ...

am I not allowed to defend myself ?

If someone feels attacked and misunderstood it is the most obvious reaction ~to defend themselves no ?

Quelle you read that I was a victim as a teen I presume ?

I didn't read anywhere in the Mums-net rules that says I just have to roll over and just take it .

This time, I really am done here .

[QuelleLeJeff]

You are dragging this on and on and on now, and it's all a bit unseemly.

[Pagwatch]

Quelle
There is an excellent bison thread if you are still interested in mammal related humour.
Of course I may be misunderstanding.......

[QuelleLeJeff]

[mathanxiety]

I don't see unnecessary worrying or a bad attitude. There really is a difference between the experience of a child in rural America, even one who watches tv and goes to school and hangs around with friends, and the experience of a child in rural Britain. The culture and behaviour of younger teens tends to be very different and parental attitudes are different too. It's not namby pambying or wrapping of teens in cotton wool in the US, but parents are much more likely to be strict, to limit exposure to danger. Children are far less likely to encounter large groups of other teens their age drinking, smoking or doing drugs or even spending very late evenings hanging out together, or the kind of banter and repartee that goes on within such groups, thanks to anti-bullying/ inclusion efforts in schools.

I remember the mystification of my US exPILs, exBILs and exSILs when they visited Ireland in the early 90s and had to have glue sniffing explained to them. They sincerely couldn't imagine what the 12-14 yos they saw in a park were all doing with the little plastic bags. They were also horrified by what they saw as incredible rudeness among teens towards each other; it was quite harmless teasing/slagging but that sort of interaction is unknown in the US. Americans tend to be uber-polite.