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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how you cope with teens in a city ? schools ...gangs etc ?

197 replies

doley · 26/04/2011 15:33

We left SW London 5 years ago .

Now we live in a very rural area in the states ,but ,will be returning to the UK (country this time ) later in the year :)

How do your teens cope /and enjoy life ? ~what do they get up to ?

I couldn't see my boys fitting in /coping with London life again after a much gentler slower place of life .(they are not un-streetwise btw, just now 'from here ' )

AIBU to think I would be a nervous wreck each time they left the house for fun, or just a daily journey to school ? Male gangs particularly concern and frighten me .

I do not read the Daily Mail that much Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
doley · 26/04/2011 16:21

Thank you Ephiny and mumblechum1 ~for your helpful answers :)

OP posts:
GoHelpMeSod · 26/04/2011 16:21

Stop being such a bunch of cunts. It's a sensible question, I have boys, I live in a city and I opened the thread because I was interested to see if there was anything I couldglean for the years ahead.

OP, it seems to be you haven't had any responses from people who both live in a city and have teenage boys. Ignore the idiots who think it's ok to be rude for no reason except to enjoy sneering and hopefully someone with actual advice may come along soon.

BitOfFun · 26/04/2011 16:21

Ive never been mugged myself either

worraliberty · 26/04/2011 16:23

Well I live on the East end border with Essex. I have a 19yr old boy, an almost 12yr old boy and an 8yr old boy.

And I still think you're completely barking Confused

How long are these visits likely to last?

ShirleyKnot · 26/04/2011 16:24

Nice one GoHelpMeSod! I have a 13 year old son and live in London. Grin

Original poster
doley · 26/04/2011 16:24

Its not that my prime concern that my boys are 'pretty' and more of a target but it is a factor (for me ) I would imagine all kids could be a target(unfortunately) . I typed the original post with my dd2 on my lap ~that is my excuse anyway !

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 26/04/2011 16:24

The only person being fucking rude here is you, GoSod.

usualsuspect · 26/04/2011 16:25

I live in a city, I have a teenage boy .. We have never had a gang related incident ,even though hes gorgeous Grin

TandB · 26/04/2011 16:27

There certainly is a big, complex gang problem in south-west London, ranging from junior feeder-gangs for some of the big, high-profile drug gangs, to little groups started by kids who live in the same street.

Having said that, it is living with gang culture that is the problem. Visiting London on occasion won't lead to kids getting sucked into gangs - its the young people who can't get away that are at risk in certain areas.

Original poster
doley · 26/04/2011 16:28

Worra thanks for your perspective .

I guess if the boys had always been in London I might have more insight myself ~as we have been away from WANDSWORTH for 6-ish years I needed an up to date version( for my piece of mind :))

I have lived in some of the roughest spots ,dreadful things happened to teens all my growing up years .

It is not unreasonable to ask the question ,I am hoping that my fears were .

OP posts:
olderandwider · 26/04/2011 16:28

I live in inner london and muggings are sadly very common, even in broad daylight and so called "nice areas". The saddest part is the kids who are mugged don't even think it's worth reporting to the police. Only if a knife is shown is it thought to be worth involving them. I wouldn't say the muggers are always in gangs a la Post Code gangs who tag everywhere and seem to spread mayhem and carnage, just groups of chancers who see a solitary soft-looking boy and assume they can jack his phone and make a tenner from it.

My advice to OP is, get them well taught in self-defence and help them become streetwise. They'll probably be ok living in the country, but they still need to have a bit of savvy about handling themelves when they go into town.

Pagwatch · 26/04/2011 16:30

I live in a city centre.
My son is unbelievably gorgeous.
Never had any problems

olderandwider · 26/04/2011 16:31

I live in inner london and muggings are sadly very common, even in broad daylight and so called "nice areas". The saddest part is the kids who are mugged don't even think it's worth reporting to the police. Only if a knife is shown is it thought to be worth involving them. I wouldn't say the muggers are always in gangs a la Post Code gangs who tag everywhere and seem to spread mayhem and carnage, just groups of chancers who see a solitary soft-looking boy and assume they can jack his phone and make a tenner from it.

My advice to OP is, get them well taught in self-defence and help them become streetwise. They'll probably be ok living in the country, but they still need to have a bit of savvy about handling themelves when they go into town.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 26/04/2011 16:31

I live in east london and have a house full of black boys.

I feel qualified to answer.

Gangs ARE a problem. The people they are the biggest problem for are the boys that live on estates. You join or you get beaten up and robbed on a daily basis. Its not always the clear choice it appears to be.

My eldest son has stayed away. We live right next to a few estates but not on them. A few hundred yards is often enough to protect you in a city like London.

I also steered him away from Gang type music and encouraged indoctrinated him to like indi/rock music. This has bought its own problems - middle class peers with too much money and not enough boundaries, but at least guns are not involved.

Kids have to learn where to go and were not to go. My son has been mugged lots of times. He is a looker, very striking but I am not sure that is a help or a hinder TBH.

For your average kid, visiting London I do not think there is anything to fear. The gangs round here live in their own worlds. They dont notice what goes on outside it, we are invisable to them.

Unless your boys are going to be wandering estates on their own I think they will be fine.

olderandwider · 26/04/2011 16:31

sorry not sure what happened there.

Original poster
doley · 26/04/2011 16:32

Thank you gohelpme some posters have understood now ~hopefully you will get some help too :)

Just to reiterate ,eldest son does stand out (as I know all sons do of course :) ) sometimes his 'pretty boy' looks can be to his detriment :( even here .

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 26/04/2011 16:33

Tbh. As the mother of a 17 year old boy, the things you need to be concerned about are the availability of alcohol and drugs and your own Childs ability to cope with peer pressure and temptation.
Oh and the whole sex thing.

That is the most present risk unless you are in a really high crime area.

Original poster
doley · 26/04/2011 16:34

Thank you so much thefirst this is very insightful and helpful .

This is obviously something you live with constantly ,I appreciate your post .

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 26/04/2011 16:44

OP, it seems to be you haven't had any responses from people who both live in a city and have teenage boys.

Oh but she has... I have a now grown up stepson, and I know that there IS a huge problem with gangs in certain parts of the country, mostly inner cities. I hated it every time my son went out to nightclubs or pubs because there are violent incidents including gun crime in the area where we live, on a regular basis. It is very easy for anyone to get caught up in it, even those who are completely innocent and just happen to look at someone the wrong way, or look at a girl who is with one of them. It is a huge problem and it is not getting any better.

Gertiegoolash · 26/04/2011 16:45

I live in East London on a council estate and have a 12 year old DS, I do worry about him being out on his own, but he has a good set of friends (don't get me wrong they are no angels but hardly gang material!) they all play in the same footy team (which helps) and go to the same school. There are gangs around here but like others have said they mostly cause trouble amongst themselves and other gangs.
He knows a lot of the older boys from school (again through football) and they tend to look out for him, he comes home on the bus with a few of them so he feels safer.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 26/04/2011 16:48

My son's friend was killed by a gang a few months ago. He was a good lad and not involved. He was an innocent victim.

The innocent victims are usually young men who live in the community rather than those visiting IYSWIM.

The kids round here have to learn how to deal with it.

Its horrible. But I hate the way the media portrays our young men as all being the same. They are not . I also hate the way the parents of young victims (particulary black and mixed raced ones) are forced to make statements denying their children are involved in gangs in the first moments of their grief.

But that is another thread I suppose.

Original poster
doley · 26/04/2011 16:53

I am so glad I started this thread .

Thank you so much to the posters that have genuine experience and valid advice :)

I am glad that those who thought I was barking Confused may have learnt something also .

Some things in London seem not to have changed though ,those that live in a bubble seem to still be alive and well Grin

also why, just because I have stated that my son is good looking do some of you think that negates yours ?

I was a target as a child when walking home (sorry ,was good looking too ) it does fuel the fire unfortunately .

OP posts:
Original poster
doley · 26/04/2011 16:56

thefirst that is tragic ~I am so sorry .

Thank you for taking my question seriously ,and I am so sorry that was the type of example you had to share :(

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 26/04/2011 16:57

My stepson was (still is) a very good looking lad. Always noticed by the girls, and always with very pretty girls, so I can see where you are coming from Doley.

Jealousy amongst teens can manifest itself into very nasty behaviour, from both boys and girls.

Pagwatch · 26/04/2011 16:58

I didn't think your comment negated my son. As it goes he is extremely handsome. As was I in my youth. But that was many centuries ago.

But tbh I think there are a 100 factors that contribute to making children more prone to attack. I am not sure looks are a big one.