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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell dh not to buy me underwear

199 replies

scruffybird · 25/04/2011 15:13

Dh just phoned to check bra size as he was about to go into la senza to get me an underwear set.
I said I would rather he didn't as my birthday is coming up and I can think of many things I would rather. Also we have a holiday to pay for, so no spare cash.
He got funny and said 'right, I'll come home then'.
AIBU?

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 26/04/2011 08:11

I don't know where it got to crotchless and peephole bras-I thought it was La Sanza not Ann Summers? I have never bought any there,but when I have browsed it looks perfectly normal-I like to wear attractive matching underwear. I think that the poor man is being misunderstood. Someone could easily start an AIBU saying their DP is never thoughtful and romantic!

Unfortunately underwear is tricky-I can't buy a bra without trying it on and very few fit properly. I have to devote time to it and try on at least six to find one-probably double that number.

I have never seen La Sanza as a sex shop-more on par with M&S or Debenhams.

exoticfruits · 26/04/2011 08:12

Sorry-La Senza-shows how little I go in.

beesimo · 26/04/2011 08:13

SCRATCHY UNDERWEAR

I think the underwear may feel scratchy ect because you are wearing it from 'the box' it always has a lot of dressing (laundy starch) in it when new.

You need to rinse it off in warm clear water the put in a basin with a 1/10 rosewater mix and it will be lovely and soft and smell gorgeous.

All my stuff is from Bravisoma and it is very comfortable to wear

Serenitysutton · 26/04/2011 08:15

Yanbu. La senza is cheap and nasty

SardineQueen · 26/04/2011 08:22

My point was that asking your partner to dress up in any type of costume, whether it is "sexy" undies, a gimp suit or a maids costume, is a request that the requestee should be able to say no to.

If people want to dress up in sexy undies to get their OH going, fabulous. If they don't, then they should be able to say no.

I have to say that I went into la senza once and the stuff was horrible. I buy stuff from John Lewis - some of it is quite expensive and frilly, for want of a better word. I bought it because I liked it, I knew that DH would probably like it too, a happy by-product. I was happy to wear it, I liked it.

Women should not have to wear things they don't want to in bed, to fulfil their OHs fantasies. No-one should. They should do it if they want to. If they don't, then not. Where's the argument with that?

SardineQueen · 26/04/2011 08:24

GAH! Buying someone things they don't want, and don't like,and insisting that they wear them, in order to increase your own arousal, is neither thoughtful nor romantic!

exoticfruits · 26/04/2011 08:29

I still don't think that OH was going to get much of a fantasy out of La Senza-I would put it on par with buying perfume-or shouldn't a man buy that if he likes the smell and is getting something out of it?

Serenitysutton · 26/04/2011 08:36

He might not have been doing it for his own arousal. The stuff isn't very erotic. It's like girly spotty pastel coloured stuff. It's more than likely just a pressie, like anything.

Highlander · 26/04/2011 08:37

regarding slutty underwear...........

Read a quote stating that men might fantasize about shagging hookers, but that doesn't give them the right to coerce their wives to dress up and act out that fantasy for them.

Wise words.

exoticfruits · 26/04/2011 08:38

I will have to look again, but I don't think it is in the least erotic! Maybe I missed something.

SardineQueen · 26/04/2011 09:25

"But underwear from there isn't a treat for me, it is scratchy and uncomfortable, its more for his benefit"

That's what the OP said. She can't be wrong about her own feelings, surely.

If she had worn them under her clothes and her DH had not seen them, would he have been pleased? I doubt it:

"Resulting in the real reason he was buying it was he wants me to wear more sexy underwear sets, and me now feeling crap because I don't wear many sexy underwear sets".

Why are people so keen to completely ignore what the OP is saying, because it doesn't fit in with how they feel about things?

expatinscotland · 26/04/2011 09:32

She doesn't like it. Therefore, getting it for her and trying to guilt or force her into liking it, knowing she doesn't like it, is not thoughtful, kind, a treat or a gift.

Guilting or coercing someone to wear or do something they don't want because you like it, be it underwear or checked shirts or a burka, it's a thoughtful, kind thing to do, whatever your gender.

StewieGriffinsMom · 26/04/2011 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SardineQueen · 26/04/2011 09:36

It would be more like it if your FIL then tested you on whether you had read the books, and you therefore felt obliged to read them even though you didn't want to.

And then you had to have sex with him with a book on your head.

or something Grin

StayFr0sty · 26/04/2011 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ooopsadaisy · 26/04/2011 09:48

Why would someone buy you books you're not interested in?

Would you buy him the sort of books you know he doesn't like?

My DP is coeliac - should I buy him a big old baguette because I like it? No -obviously not.

Perhaps you should buy FIL some sexy underwear.

expatinscotland · 26/04/2011 09:56

Actually, Stewies, I make lovely small paper Christmas trees out of books I don't want! So fun! And then you spray paint the edges a bit and sprinkle on some glitter.

I'd do that with one of the books he's so kindly given you and show him!

Better yet, tell him you're selling them and using the money to buy books you actually like :o.

StewieGriffinsMom · 26/04/2011 09:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ooopsadaisy · 26/04/2011 10:00

Stewie - I agree with you - it sounds a bit creepy. He sounds like the mind-police.

You don't give for yourself - you give to bring some happiness to the person you are giving to.

MrSpoc · 26/04/2011 14:08

bloody hell. this is really an insight into the female mind and yet it is still mind-boggling.

The Op's husband was trying to do a nice romantic gesture and he got it wrong. La Senza is just a cheap knicker shop (not sexy at all) but it is one of the only places us men know of where to get underwear from.

The Op was very ungrateful when she came up with a load of excuses. (would of only cost £10 at the most).

I love buying my wife underwear (always Elle McPherson - it looks sexy and it is comfy for her)

And it is not another way that us nasty men are trying to change our women.

The other male poster gave an accurate insight into how us men think and you all shot him down when he explained that the Op's husband was just trying to be nice and thoughtful.

Since when is it wrong to buy your wife something you enjoy or like? Now if the wife said after that she did not like it and you bought it again or something similar, then you would be out of order.

StewieGriffinsMom · 26/04/2011 14:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SardineQueen · 26/04/2011 14:26

Just to remind you mrspoc, this is what collaborate said

"So - accept (and wear with good grace and gay abandon) the uncomfortable stuff we buy you - the slutty stuff - the stuff that makes you feel like a joint of pork all strung up - and (shudder!) the crotchless stuff. Then next time you buy stuff for yourself, buy something that YOU think is sexy - and wear it regularly."

Are you absolutely sure that you agree with him?

Ormirian · 26/04/2011 14:27

No you are not.

I don't enjoy underwear. It's just clothes and really uninteresting clothes at that. 'Sexy' undies are often uncomfortable too. And when men buy it for women there is usually a price attached - 'look at these lovely undies you don't want that i have generously given you. Now have sex with me' Hmm

StewieGriffinsMom · 26/04/2011 14:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ormirian · 26/04/2011 14:31

It's DH's birthday soon. I will buy him some secateurs and another Japanese maple. I mean I like gardening so obviously so will he.

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