To tell dh not to buy me underwear

[scruffybird]

Dh just phoned to check bra size as he was about to go into la senza to get me an underwear set.
I said I would rather he didn't as my birthday is coming up and I can think of many things I would rather. Also we have a holiday to pay for, so no spare cash.
He got funny and said 'right, I'll come home then'.
AIBU?

I am interested that these men seem to think that they speak for all men.

You don't. Many men actually fancy their partners as they are. And are more than capable of getting aroused without getting them to dress up in any kind of costume.

Costumes in sex should be for mutual fun. Not that one is made to feel that she has to wear a certain outfit otherwise her OH won't fancy her.

I am so glad that i aint married to half of the women on this thread. You have all completly missed the point

I said the Op's husband was trying to be romantic, get a little gift but got it WRONG. if he does it again then he is a twit.

This does not mean the Op's husband is trtying to control you etc.

All this talk abouty mutual fun, ask first etc. your relationships must be boring. Have you or your partner ever thought, oh ill dress up, put these on and suprise my wife/husband? did you ask them first or have a long talk about it first? You all must have a sad and boring relationships.

And many women buy their husbands/boyfriends gifts that they like i.e a certain type of jumper, shoes (trying to smarten them up) this is not wrong but would be if they made a big issue about it.

But the OP doesn't want an underwear. So what is so controlling and boring about asking not to be given a present she doesn't want?

the Op shoud of been more, well nicer about her response. I.e thank you darling for the nice thought but I do not like the stuff from there, its cheap and itchy. Please feel free to get me something else. Not hard really is it.

The response she gave was not that great and came across ungrateful. I said I would rather he didn't as my birthday is coming up and I can think of many things I would rather. Also we have a holiday to pay for, so no spare cash.

StayFr0sty - one sided as always. grow up.

send him here instead, definitely not scratchy

'StayFr0sty - one sided as always. grow up.'

The pot is calling the kettle black.

So, if I buy my DH a boxed set of 'Pride and Prejudice' featuring Colin Firth, because that just gets me all romantic, I'm just trying to be romantic, and he gives me that raised eyebrow look and refuses to watch it with me or calls it names (because that's exactly what he'd do), he's just an ungrateful, boring, frigid saddo.

LOL.

mrspoc

You are saying the OP's husband isn't a twit just for trying to buy her 'sexy' undies. But that is not the issue. The issue is that when he got told that wasn't what she liked, he sulked.

You don't know what tone she used; she might've said, 'Oh sweetie, thanks so much, but honestly, I think of stuff I'd like better, and also wouldn't it be nicer to spend that cash together on our hols?'

She didn't quote exactly what she said, so you don't know she wasn't nice: you're just assuming. Why?

collaborate When I first got together with my DP I bought him some cotton mix jockey pants from Next with road signs all over them to celebrate him passing his driving test. I wanted him to wear them, not because I thought they were sexy, but because they were a gift I'd bought. He umed and ahed about it, and then eventually came out and said they made his psoriasis a lot worse, so he'd rather not.

I ended up helping him take them to a clothing recycle bin, but I guess I should've just stood my ground, right? I mean, who cares if he was uncomfy as long as I was happy?

Send him here, not scratchy and no hassle about getting the size right.

I wouldn't buy my DH shoes or shirts that I suspected he wouldn't like and would find uncomfortable, just to make him conform to my tastes. It's not the action of a very nice person.

RevoltingPeasant - I bet he didn't go to a message board and ask hundreds or thousands of anonymous men what he should think about it, just to be told you're a shit and want to control him.

And how about this response to my original post by hairylights: "Oh fuck off collaborate tough shit if you hate it." But of course, as frosty says, it's just the men being rude to the women here.

But then again what does frosty know if she can't tell the difference between a pair of knickers and an ironing board.

But of course no one's wanted to see it from the perspective of the man.

I posted that, because of your rudeness and frankly I bit the bait.

Oh and ding ding!! @ "frigid"

Collaborate- she didn't want bloody knickers! What is wrong with that?

Why would anyone buy a present for their spouse that they clearly didn't want?

I think it's interesting how men who presumably see themselves at red-blooded sex beasts are coming on here basically to tell us that they can't get aroused unless their partner dresses up for them.

Doesn't sound very red-blooded to me.

And when women say that their partners don't have any problem getting turned on by them irrespective of what they are wearing because they actually fancy them, they are accused of being frigid.

Accusing women if being frigid because they won't do what a man wants them to do is pathetic .

I'd be very concerned about myself if I derived pleasure and became aroused by coercing my spouse into wearing something or doing something I knew he didn't want to, or started throwing strops because he didn't do exactly what I wanted or act grateful for a 'gift' I know he didn't want. I wouldn't think he was frigid for not fancying a shag in such garments.

I don't really understand why you need to see the man's perspective here. OP asked if she was unreasonable to object if her DH bought her a present she didn't like. She didn't ask "AIBU to leave my DH because he bought me underwear?"

It's not unreasonable to tell someone if you don't like what they buy. You don't need to consult their opinion on it. You just need to tell them politely.