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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell dh not to buy me underwear

199 replies

scruffybird · 25/04/2011 15:13

Dh just phoned to check bra size as he was about to go into la senza to get me an underwear set.
I said I would rather he didn't as my birthday is coming up and I can think of many things I would rather. Also we have a holiday to pay for, so no spare cash.
He got funny and said 'right, I'll come home then'.
AIBU?

OP posts:
insertfunnynicknamehere · 25/04/2011 20:21

Ah jinx that would be me and my new Blackberry..I feel my fingers are too fat for QWERTY Blush

SardineQueen · 25/04/2011 20:22

hahahahhaha

"When you need underwear to 'keep things fresh', you've got problems"

Quite.

GP would be my first port of call Grin

CrystalQueen · 25/04/2011 20:24

My DH buys me underwear. I like wearing it from time to time, but I wish he would realise that it's a gift for him, not really for me. I am a grown woman, I can pick my own pants thanks. OP, YANBU.

StayFr0sty · 25/04/2011 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onepieceofcremeegg · 25/04/2011 20:42

*sardine! - my opinion too re keeping fresh.

either a visit to the GP or change to a decent brand of washing powder. I like persil, but I am sure that the Good Housekeeping Topic would advise further. Grin

also a daily shower tends to help.

exoticfruits · 25/04/2011 20:43

If everyone felt like this then underwear manufacturers would go bust! It seems weird to me-DH wants to buy you nice underwear-even asks the size and he is in trouble!

expatinscotland · 25/04/2011 20:46

The point is that he wants to buy her something that's basically for himself, that she doesn't like, as a 'gift' to her.

DH just got home from work. I asked him about this thread. He said if I rang him up and asked what size Y-fronts I should buy him for his birthday he'd tell me not to buy it, as he'd not wear it because, duh, he doesn't like that type of underwear.

MarshaBrady · 25/04/2011 20:46

Why would they go bust? I do buy underwear.

iscream · 25/04/2011 20:48

I agree La Senza stuff is tacky, and not well made at all. Your dh may not know that though. I also think if I wished dh would wear nicer underwear, or jeans, shoes, aftershave or something, I would surprise him with some.
If left up to him he would wear them until tattered. And I would hope he wouldn't spit the dummy and be posting about what a sexist pig I am.

I buy underwear to go with each other, the same as I buy all of my clothing. If a set of bra and underwear has synthetic pants, I will try pick up a couple of cotton pants that co ordinate instead.

Whatever...don't fight with him about this, he was trying to do something positive for you.

expatinscotland · 25/04/2011 20:53

'Your dh may not know that though. I also think if I wished dh would wear nicer underwear, or jeans, shoes, aftershave or something, I would surprise him with some.
If left up to him he would wear them until tattered. And I would hope he wouldn't spit the dummy and be posting about what a sexist pig I am.'

Instead of well, just having an honest, adult conversation about it? Or, when you were going out, and he wore stuff till it was tattererd, have a conversation about it and taking it as a red flag if you didn't find his explanation of why acceptable?

He's not doing something positive, he's using her birthday to get something that he likes, but knows she doesn't. He's not thinking about how she would like to be treated, but about himself. That's not kind.

weedle · 25/04/2011 21:26

I wear matching underwear every single day. Wouldn't feel dressed if I didn't.

He might have been trying to do a nice thing - buying a present but getting it wrong. It's pretty stupid to be still rowing about it.

flamegirl77 · 25/04/2011 22:55

YANBU. He put you on the spot then huffed when you were honest about how you felt about his present suggestion. Underwear choice is incredibly personal and he has no right to make you feel bad.

JaneS · 25/04/2011 23:02

SGM - sorry, it's way back now, but thanks for explaining - I did wonder if I was misunderstanding as it didn't sound like you to blame the OP in this situation! Grin

StayFr0sty · 25/04/2011 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Collaborate · 25/04/2011 23:43

Bloody hell. I've seen it all now.

OP - just divorce him. He's clearly a bastard. What a shit. Imagine thinking about buying you underwear! You must be traumatised! You'll have to book some therapy just to get over it.

iscream · 26/04/2011 00:12

"Instead of well, just having an honest, adult conversation about it? Or, when you were going out, and he wore stuff till it was tattererd, have a conversation about it and taking it as a red flag if you didn't find his explanation of why acceptable?"
I am "stretching the truth" I guess, they would just get old and stretchy and thin. When we were going out they were ok. He has bought himself underwear a few times the past couple of years. (finally).
He's not doing something positive, he's using her birthday to get something that he likes, but knows she doesn't. He's not thinking about how she would like to be treated, but about himself. That's not kind."

I thought it wasn't for her birthday?

But I still think his intentions were good, after all, sex is a part of marriage. I don't get why they are having an argument over it really.

Maybe he was envisioning her in some sexy undies and I don't think that is so bad. But doesn't matter how I would feel, just trying to state the possible intentions behind his almost gift don't seem so terrible to me. Obviously OP isn't receptive to the idea.

Timeforanap · 26/04/2011 00:53

YANBU, he isn't handling this sensitively, as the stuff is something he wants YOU to change.

However, if you care about making him happy (which I assume you do), then maybe you could suggest you go shopping together, for some underwear you would feel comfortable in and he likes too?

Or, where do you normally shop for underwear? Do they have any other ranges you might find acceptable? I've bought simple, pretty stuff in Tesco's before when I've been feeling a bit hard up.

FWIW, my underwear basket is a jumble of bras and knickers (a few smart M&S sets, mostly multipack and bargain rail), from size 10/34A to size 16 maternity knickers (I'm not pregnant, still wearing them tho'!) and 38DD bras. Luckily for me DH finds fancy underwear a bit off putting. He loves a short and skimpy cotton nightie though! I will wear one if it gets REALLY hot.

insertfunnynicknamehere · 26/04/2011 00:58

Its not the gift idea or thr gift getting, its OP's DP's pissy attitude whn she said she wouldnt like the underwear is the issue here.

collaborate you really dont get it do you, why dont you go away to bed Im sure your missus must be cold sitting there in her crotchless chaps waiting for ya....

Timeforanap · 26/04/2011 01:06

LOL at the idea of sitting cold in crotchless chaps insert! Poor collaborate, somehow I don't think that's what he was trying to say!

I agree OP's DP's attitude was wrong, but if he doesn't usually behave like an insensitive idiot then maybe OP could try to hear him a bit too.

insertfunnynicknamehere · 26/04/2011 01:11

Oh no time he states earlier in the thread that we should as women accept with good grace the gifts our men give us even if it means feeling trussed up or wearing crotchless things....or maybe thats what he wears....Hmm

No doubt it could be something that the OP could take on board if she is comfortable with it. Go shopping in a less scary shop (La Senza scares me ever since a girl whipped back the curtain while I was trying on a bra in there and stuck her hand in to adjust my norks in front of everyone!)

Timeforanap · 26/04/2011 01:24

I have to admit that I wouldn't wear red lacy crotchless knickers, I just wouldn't, grim.

Mmm, your experience in La Senza sounds like it would scare anyone!!!! Grin

aurynne · 26/04/2011 01:56

My DP bought me lacy underwear a couple of times. I wore it once or twice for sex, and the rest of the time it is just laying unused in my underwear drawer. If he bought me any more, I would tell him to stop. I actually have a problem with things that sting or itch, and I tend to get thrush if I wear any knickers that are not plain cotton. Wearing a thong makes my bumcrack itch. I would never wear a bra that shows my nipples, and lacy bras make me itch under my tits. Simple as this. Lacy/sexy lingerie makes guys horny, but as a woman, I find it extremely uncomfortable.

Collaborate · 26/04/2011 06:56

IFNN - I do get it. Maybe not so much OP but many of the other posters have crucified OPs DH for daring to enslave her in a pair of uncomfortable knickers. He obviously doesn't understand her. The ironing board comment is hilarious, but I don't think Frosty (apt name) was being ironic.
I dared to post to give balance and a man's perspective. My God what abuse I received! For those who aren't prepared to try and understand it from the perspective of a man who occasionally buys his wife underwear (and believe me, I kept on getting it wrong until she actually told me what she'd wear or not) (and no, I never ever got her crotchless - sarcasm is lost on many of you), you can't complain that your DH still doesn't take the time to unsertand It from your perspective.

Because that's what OPs DH is getting vilified for, as much as having the nerve to think about buying her the gift in the first place. The bastard.

StewieGriffinsMom · 26/04/2011 07:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SardineQueen · 26/04/2011 07:58

Surely dressing up in things, whether it's peephole bras or gimp masks or "saucy" undies or some kind of costume should be done consensually, because both parties want to and enjoy it.

If a person really doesn't want to do something, why should they have to just to make the other person feel horny? In a normal relationship these outfits add to sex, they are not necessary in order for one person to enjoy it, and should not be at the expense of the comfort and enjoyment of the other.

Not all men need to make their partners dress up like the women they see in porn films in order to get a hard on, believe it or not.

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