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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell dh not to buy me underwear

199 replies

scruffybird · 25/04/2011 15:13

Dh just phoned to check bra size as he was about to go into la senza to get me an underwear set.
I said I would rather he didn't as my birthday is coming up and I can think of many things I would rather. Also we have a holiday to pay for, so no spare cash.
He got funny and said 'right, I'll come home then'.
AIBU?

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfTheNight · 25/04/2011 16:47

Why does he want you to wear more sexy underwear sets?

because he thinks you will like it?

or because he gets off on it?

Ooopsadaisy · 25/04/2011 16:48

scruffybird - sorry to hear you've argued.

Could you try explaining that wearing that stuff just doesn't do it for you?

Personally, I feel horribly ridiculous in a bra with one of those stupid bows between the cups. What is the bloody point of it? The idea of a bra or kecks with lace makes me want to heave .... and scratch ...... and scratch .... not even remotely erotic.

I don't think we're alone on this OP.

My DP has finally realised that I'm only really me inside a pair of comfy pjs and that I only do very plain, sporty underwear.

beesimo · 25/04/2011 16:50

What is wrong with dressing nice for your lad I think you are being a bit mean ladies

firstsupermum · 25/04/2011 16:56

i think YABU, I know you thinking about the badget, but i dont think this will make such a huge difference on your holiday badget anyway, he called and was happy to do a surprise for you and you throw it on his face, thats not nice.

Ooopsadaisy · 25/04/2011 16:59

beesimo - so if I wanted DP to dress up like Bob the Builder every Saturday night and he felt uncomfortable with it, are you suggesting he should just shut up and hitch up his dungarees?

No - sorry - it's a two-way thing, surely.

Even if it got me going I wouldn't want to continue if DP was feeling silly/embarrassed/awkward.

xkittyx · 25/04/2011 17:00

YANBU it was obviously for him, it's not like he was getting something that was just for you, which would have been a sweet gesture.
I had an ex that harped on about me wearing sexy undies - actually made me feel quite shit and insulted after a while.

firstsupermum · 25/04/2011 17:02

hello, read the thread first, she is not agains it, or embarresed, she is worring about the badget Confused

exoticfruits · 25/04/2011 17:03

It seems a shame -surely it was something nice for both of you?
Are you not supposed to get presents if it gives you pleasure as well?

beesimo · 25/04/2011 17:11

He does try to please me as well it is very much a mutal thing with us, I love it when he carries me up the stairs for example even though I know his knees will be killing him!

discobeaver · 25/04/2011 17:13

I agree with beesimo, nothing wrong with a bit of dressing up for your man. But if you can't afford it then you prob wouldn't enjoy wearing it anyway.
Bit surprised he doesn't know your bra size, unless you fluctuate a bit?

beesimo · 25/04/2011 17:16

OP

You need to keep the flames of passion alight because there is nothing as cold as ashes after the fires gone out.

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 25/04/2011 17:18

There is obviously more to it...the OP does not want to wear sexy undies for a reason. Maybe there are more troubles in the relationship.

SardineQueen · 25/04/2011 17:23

Get him this as a kind reciprocal gesture

SardineQueen · 25/04/2011 17:24

or this might be nice?

Only fair Smile

insertfunnynicknamehere · 25/04/2011 17:29

OP wear what makes you feel comfy not what your DP wants..or ye could compromise and shop together?
beesimo come into this century will you?
supermum its BUDGET!!!!
PS My DP doesn't know my size either why should he? (Its a 40 long if your reading DP Grin

DontdoitKatie · 25/04/2011 17:32

chaps are a good look too.

OP tell him if he likes sexy lacy frilly underwear then he can wear it. The rule that it should only be for women is so old-fashioned.

beesimo · 25/04/2011 17:33

Sardine

I could strangle you DD3 has just looked over me shoulder as Leather Male ect came up you mucky pup ya

beesimo · 25/04/2011 17:34

insert

I am very happy where I am thankee

HipposGoBeserk · 25/04/2011 17:37

Would he think it was a nice treat if you bought him some pants?

No?

How about if you bought him some pants that you liked but he actually didn't like much because they were uncomfy and showed through his shirt?

No again?

How about if those umcomfy pants he didn't like were his birthday present?

Funny how it's one rule for men and another for women.

OP - YADNBU.

nijinsky · 25/04/2011 17:39

I'm with you OP. Frilly underwear is so artificial and would make me think my DP either didn't know me or wanted to treat me as a sex toy.

Agree with the suggestion that he should wear it too if he wants you to. Take this excellent suggestion a stage further and buy him some, wasting money pointlessly, next time you're out. It would be worth it to drive the point home, and you can always make him return it with the receipt.

hairylights · 25/04/2011 17:40

Nothing wrong with dressing up pre se.

Everything wrong with being made to feel inadequate if you don't, and everything wrong with being expected to when you don't want to, everything wrong with being bought a gift that is more about the giver than the receiver

firstsupermum · 25/04/2011 17:44

insertfunnynicknamehere it seems you correcting everyone, you have to know that everyone speak from his experience and the way he lives, so dont try to correct the people,
yes i can play with the badget, cut from onething and add to the other, no problem Smile

bonkers20 · 25/04/2011 17:45

Awwww, he sounds sweet. In your position I'd backtrack and tell him you just weren't thinking thoughts of passion when he phoned and he caught you on the hop. Is the fact that he wants to spice up your sex life one that appeals to you? If so, then you should be able to tell him kindly that while you're up for putting on sexy sets which turn him on, in order for them to work for you too they have to be comfortable and something you like as well. OK, maybe not something you'd wear in the day, but something at least without scratchy lace or labels.

Or go out and get something beautiful yourself and surprise him one evening. Perfect!

SardineQueen · 25/04/2011 17:46

Whoops SORRY about gimp underwear links on thread.

If my DH rang up and said "I want to buy you some underwear from La Senza what's your size?" and I said "Thanks but no thanks it's itchy and uncomfortable" he would say "Oh righto I'll think again". Not get in a massive strop.

OP YANBU your comment was that it would be more for him than you therefore not really a gift for you, and itchy to boot.

insertfunnynicknamehere · 25/04/2011 17:50

Eh supermum I corrected YOU not everyone..based on that post its pretty pointless to continuously do so..I need to get the dinner on at some point Grin (goes and finds the pendants corner)

Back to the OP are you alright? Are ye still fighting?

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