To be gobby to pervs at the gym/in general?

[Spenguin]

So, I lugged myself out to the gym this afternoon (partially because of the air-conditioning, don't get me wrong!) and was happily plodding away on the treadmill when the usual started... men, without shame, having a good old stare. This isn't a stealth thing - I mean, seriously, I'm sweating like a pig in a hothouse and have arms flailing. Pretty it ain't.

I'm dressed in black - so you'd think the neon bra tops across the room would have been more obvious to them - black t-shirt (short sleeved, non-plunging neckline), black full-length running leggings etc.

I then go to the weights section, wherein I meet my fiance, and started the bullshit leg press machine i.e. sort of lying down at 45 degrees and pushing away from the base in order to lift a weight (?!?!?). Basically, it looks as if I'm in a birthing position and the fanjo is, to a certain sort of person, exposed. the fiance is standing right next to me whilst I do this exercise. This fucking pervert is on another machine about a foot away, directly opposite, and blatantly looking at my groin.

I stop the exercise.

I say 'no, someone's perving! I'm not continuing until he stops'

He continues to look.

I glare back.

He can't see my gaze becausemyvaginadoesn'thaveeyes

I try to recommence.

He still looks.

Fiance is staring at him.

I yell and seethe and holler 'stop looking at my VAGINA!' and storm off.

Proceeded to leave the gym, come home, feel dirty and cry a little.

So, ladies, when people stare and gawp at you (with no shame) what do you do? Was I being "unlady-like" to yell at him? I was pretty quick off the mark. The fiance didn't even get an opportunity to wade on in there! I'm a bit mouthy!

My first reaction was to wonder if I've been doing the leg-press wrong, because I don't really end up in a birthing / fanjo exposing position...

I think you do know when someone's perving though, and it does sound like this is the kind of male-dominated gym where blokes stand around perving & intimidating women out of their space. If you haven't been somewhere like that for a while, you forget what it's like.

ROFL @ PelvicFloor. Sadly, I'm in the elusive phase of 'liking exercise' right now. The first ten mins of a run is soul-destroying, but then I get quite into it after that. Damn this nice weather forcing 'summer body clothes' to be a necessity.

The gym is a chain and well-known. I use it as, despite being in central London, it's one of a few in the area that is walk-able. It's about 50m away from the front door and the next option was a ten minute walk - doesn't sound like much, but my problem is actually getting to the gym. Once I'm there it's fine. However, just visualising getting dressed, getting keys, avoiding rain...and the settee starts to look really appealing.

Yep, no doubt about where he was looking. I probably should have put my lame excuse for a diagram in the OP as some people have questioned his intentions etc etc.

You guys have really hit the nail on the head about the place being rife with the problem. There are few females that exercise there and even when I go to the static leg lift apparatus (i.e. you support your own weight and lift your legs out in front of you to exercise the lower abdomen) the obvious head-turns drive me up the wall. I want to say 'yes, I am a girl. Yes, I can do a leg lift. No, this won't be an opportunity for you to mock'

Oh, and re position. The old fanjo is exposed whilst in the squat position...but I'm horizontal...if that makes sense.

Many thanks for all the comments - especially the more supportive ones!

To the lady who wondered about his facial expression. Sadly, I didn't see it...however, I saw the looks of other men in the vicinity and they were all staring at this man. So, I hope their disdain taught him a lesson. I thought about stopping by at reception and telling them what happened, but I just felt so angry and dirty and wanted to get the F out of there. If it happens as disgustingly again, I shall certainly be taking it further - they have cameras all over the place in there.

Do a hundred hindu squats a day and you will have the most powerful legs in the gym.

so a woman is letched at and speaks up for herself, she gets told she wanted it, it was all in her head, she was probably wearing inappropriate clothes, she is 'nuts', accusations of lying/making it up/wishful thinking etc etc ...

no wonder the rape convictions rates are so low.

YANBU

You were there, you know if he was letching, you were well within your rights to get upset at someone leering at your groin!

Years ago at work, I had a guy letching at me for weeks, I ignored it and it resulted in him pinning me up against an old workbench trying to snog my face off when I went out back to the storeroom to get some supplies! Needless to say I shoved him off, legged it back out and reported him!

And no, I don't think I'm gorgeous, and I certainly wasn't imagining it!

pmsl @ Stopthenonsense

OP Is there any chance the man could have been visually impaired or anything though because he has some balls doing that while your DF was beside you. It seems so weird. But I don't blame you for freaking out.

TBH I would be too intimidated to go into the weights area of a gym that was mostly male populated.

Do the gym do any hours for Women only i wonder...

YABU and thank you for saying something so he might think twice about doing it to other women. Many of the posts on this thread have really blown my mind. They illustrate so well why there is a low rape conviction rate.

Jeez I really give up today! YANBU. Hopefully the rest of the post made that clear.

bloody good for you op
drinks are on me

to those who think this is acceptable behaviour, would you be happy if this happened to your dd?

Great post FuppyGish.

Incredible how many women will queue up to tell another woman that she is wrong or mistaken when a man sexually harrasses her.

We weren't there, the OP was. But of course, she's probably a) hysterical b) deluded c) a man-hater d) so vain that it's all in her pink fluffy mind.

So how do you explain that her blue-brained, penis-toting and therefore superior and undeluded fiance, agreed with her?

Handmaidens. Pathetic.

Handmaidens I love it!

"We weren't there, the OP was."

Yes but equally we have no vested interest in whether or not the op is right, where as she has quite a subjective view-point.
Not saying this makes us right and her wrong, just that her presence for the scenario does not preclude her being wrong in her interpretation

The OP makes no mention of wearing a bikini to the gym Kerrymumbles.

I know the subject of women wearing bikinis to the gym is far more fascinating than that of men staring inappropriately in the gym. And so much more common too... a much bigger issue in fact... oh, wait...

Oh I think an awful lot of people do have a vested interest in the OP being wrong MQ.

Lots of people have a vested interest in wanting to believe that uppity women lie about men's bad behaviour.

Anyway I'm off to bed. Good night.

Fair enough. Her story just didn't ring true for me. Too many subjective interpretations from the op etc. As I say I could be wrong, but I don't think it's a case of people automatically wanting the op to be wrong due to her gender.

I think OP is either

a. unlucky to go to a gym with a high incidence of pervy blokes (much higher than any of the gyms I've ever been to )

b. is either very beautiful or very famous

c. has something inappropriate stuck to her fanjola (shopping list on a post-it which she'd had in her gym bag?)

d. was hilariously using the machine wrong

e. is a fantasist

I have drawn my own conclusions

Well done, OP.
Horrified by the hostility that some posters have shown.

kerry - I wrote what I was wearing. All manufactured for gym wear. Is it a blow up given the OBJECTIVE circumstances? If a man obviously stared at your breasts, you wouldn't 'blow up'?

Also, the man was sat a foot away from me, he had to turn his head 90 degrees and down to look at me intimately. The machine he was on required no head turning whatsoever. In fact, he didn't even use the machine, just came over, sat don, noticed what position I was in and proceeded to stare.

I contend I was using the machine correctly - I've been quite a gym goer for a number of years, as has my supervising fiance.

Why this has become a back and forth debate over what I was doing, I don't know. The question surely revolves around:

'is it ok to get gobby when someone is (statement of fact) leering at you; or, does one just ignore and walk off?'

So, in response to mayorquimby, this isn't about my story being true, but about what behaviour is acceptable when someone is perving? Almost discount my entire backstory and just take the above phrased question as it is, stand alone.

Spenguin, I hear you and believe you.

'is it ok to get gobby when someone is (statement of fact) leering at you; or, does one just ignore and walk off?'

Yes it is OK. More than that it's great as you are challenging something that women are expected to just put up with. You've also made things better for all women by challenging the norm. Lots of people would ignore it and walk off, as we're taught not to cause a fuss, or make a scene, or raise our delicate lady-voices.

Here's a whole movement that would agree