To be gobby to pervs at the gym/in general?

[Spenguin]

So, I lugged myself out to the gym this afternoon (partially because of the air-conditioning, don't get me wrong!) and was happily plodding away on the treadmill when the usual started... men, without shame, having a good old stare. This isn't a stealth thing - I mean, seriously, I'm sweating like a pig in a hothouse and have arms flailing. Pretty it ain't.

I'm dressed in black - so you'd think the neon bra tops across the room would have been more obvious to them - black t-shirt (short sleeved, non-plunging neckline), black full-length running leggings etc.

I then go to the weights section, wherein I meet my fiance, and started the bullshit leg press machine i.e. sort of lying down at 45 degrees and pushing away from the base in order to lift a weight (?!?!?). Basically, it looks as if I'm in a birthing position and the fanjo is, to a certain sort of person, exposed. the fiance is standing right next to me whilst I do this exercise. This fucking pervert is on another machine about a foot away, directly opposite, and blatantly looking at my groin.

I stop the exercise.

I say 'no, someone's perving! I'm not continuing until he stops'

He continues to look.

I glare back.

He can't see my gaze becausemyvaginadoesn'thaveeyes

I try to recommence.

He still looks.

Fiance is staring at him.

I yell and seethe and holler 'stop looking at my VAGINA!' and storm off.

Proceeded to leave the gym, come home, feel dirty and cry a little.

So, ladies, when people stare and gawp at you (with no shame) what do you do? Was I being "unlady-like" to yell at him? I was pretty quick off the mark. The fiance didn't even get an opportunity to wade on in there! I'm a bit mouthy!

Can I just also say it is very good to follow your instinct in these cases. People who ignore normal boundaries about staring are more likely to ignore other boundaries as well. The pervert that flashed at me and then tried to drag me down an alleyway stared at me unblinkingly first as I walked past him. OK, the OP is in a relatively safe environment, but if her instinct is picking up on it and telling her it makes her uncomfortable, it is probably not without good reason. I'm not saying he's an attacker and is probably totally passive, but theres something wrong with staring like that.

This is the reason why I joined a gym with a wmoen's only section so this would never happen, and even then some blokes on the bikes over the other side were peering over to the ladies side. They couldn't really get away with binoculars but there was one in particular who I am convinced to this day was a peeing Tom who was afraid of the dark...

So YANBU, people shouldn't stare, it is rude!

oops!
PEEPING Tom!

I just don't get why they want to look? Surely most people are sweating, red in the face, puffing and whatnot. I just don't find it attractive...then again, even if an Adonis walked in I don't think I would notice - too busy trying not to fall off a step-machine.

It's not about sexual attraction, it's about using sexual staring as intimidation tool. He got what he wanted, you off the weights and out of the gym. And if you are attractive, that'll be an added bonus because he's humiliated someone who wouldn't look at him twice.

YANBU to be upset, but when you go to the gym i think that long (fitted) t-shirts are more flattering over leggings - to avoid your situation. Men do stare - often without even realising they're doing it - it's still irritating.
BUT...i confess to (discreetly) looking at the men in my gym. They are young, fit and muscly.
(Sorry).

kerry - I see and her your point. However, it's a damn sight easier, for me at least, to run wearing the proper running leggings (I'm not talking flimsy cotton ones). I don't want my life to be compromised by people who have power issues at the gym!

I reserve the right the wear whatever I please as it will never be salacious, skimpy, provocative etc etc.

*hear

I sometimes look at people in the gym but I'm not perving! We have a gym at work and if the headmaster goes on the treadmill, I can't help but watch him as he's a superfast runner and I'm amazed by the speed and interested in his technique. Nothing pervy about it at all - it's from an athletic point of view only.

complain to the gym and get this perv expelled

What did he do when you yelled that? I would have LOVED to have seen the look on his face.

and fwiw, I don't think you are being unreasonable. If you feel uncomfortable and leered at, who has the right to dismiss that? To suggest you don't have the right to feel that way or that you are 'wrong'. Someone was ogling your crotch, if you don't like that, then that is your right.

If someone was a foot away from you and staring at your tits, that would be pretty horrible too.

It's like a woman's body is not her own and it's ok to be leered at and unreasonable to expect that you will not be ogled. And that it's ok for a man to stare at your genitals.

Well it's not ok. Not if it makes you feel bad.

I'm waiting for a thread:

'My very short-sighted DH was at the gym today, he said he was in a world oh his own, thinking about whether Bolton would beat Arsenal, when some women starting shouting at him about vegetables,

'stop looking at my veg' she shouted. She then stormed off.

So what was that all about?'

yanbu

[bugrin]

[busmile] @ Stopthenonsense

pleased to see rationality has been restored and the OP is being given some support now. I too was a bit shocked at the level of disbelief and suggestions the OP 'was asking for it' potentially by her appearance or clothes. How about taking her seriously?

yanbu it is not your fault due to what clothes you were wearin etc, this man was an idiot.

but your fiance should have said somethin lon before the point where you were upset and in tears,

YANBU. Good on you for pulling him up on it.

"You probably looked a bit of prat to be honest.

When I am in the gym I tend to stare ahead of me blankly,"

Was my first reaction to the op as well.

You've said he had to turn his head 90 degrees to look at you. That is clearly perving (unless there is a TV in your vagina that you don't know about that he was maybe watching?).

YWNBU

I think you don't really enjoy exercising and you are looking for an excuse not to go to the gym.

it sounds like you go to a really horrible gym where men are hyper masculine and like to strut around intimidating women and men they consider 'lesser' to prove their alpha-ness.

it sounds like it's more than just this one guy and is asctually a serious problem at the gym you go to and i wouldn't stay a member of a gym like that.

my gym is not a poncing around place, and it's not a hyper-masculine place (believe me i have spent time in places like that, i'm a black-belt in jiu jitsu), i feel comfotable in my gym and have never witnessed leching.

is this a big chain gym?? because if so you should tell them how unwelcoming the atmosphere is.