to be annoyed at SIL naming her baby daughter almost the exact same name as my DD?

[RubyGrace17]

Hi everyone,

I've posted a few times on various topics but this is my first AIBU :) I can't decide who is being unreasonable here, hopefully you can help me decide!

I have three daughters- aged 5, 3 and 4 months. My SIL (DH's Brother's Wife) had her second daughter on Tuesday evening and we are all absolutely delighted for them. However, last night BIL txt DH (and other members of family) to announce baby's name as they hadn't been able to decide up until now. She is named Isabelle Eva- lovely name. The issue is that my DD3 is named Isabella Eve and goes by Bella. Initially I was shocked that she would choose such a similar name, however, I did think she would choose a different variation for a nickname- my own DD is Bella. We went over to visit tonight along with PILs and no, they are calling her Bella too.
I can't decide if I am being unreasonable to be a bit annoyed- MIL is infuriated and wanted to "confront" SIL about "copying" and is none too happy at "having 2 GDs with the "same" name" (her words, not mine). I convinced her that wasn't necessary and insisted that she would no doubt choose a different nickname so it wouldn't be an issue. I could understand if it were a family name and she too wanted to honour a family member but neither of these names are.
I am not extremely close to SIL, however, we do get together as an extended family once a week or so and I often look after her little one as she is the same age as my DD2 and we all adore her so the girls do all spend time together. She has never really expressed to me that she particularly likes Bella as a name, nor has she expressed dislike. I know I do not "own" a name but it just strikes me as being quite unreasonable? I don't know- perhaps I'm just hormonal and being silly.
Look forward to your opinions!

Sorry- very long post!

Ruby

or Liberty Bell/e, even

My ex-MIL's parents divorced, both re-married and had daughters with their new partners and called them both Josephine. Sadly, one was very slim and the other rather less so, and it became "Thin Josephine" and "Fat Josephine". I think i may have let the cat out of the bag when I referred to "Thin" in front of "Fat"...

YANBU.

Ruby, I think you're right to stick to calling DN2 Isabelle. My DD has a nickname that she's known by to everyone, but my FIL (who's a PITA) insisted on calling her by her 'proper' name for a long time. It never upset me so it shouldn't give your SIL good cause to be upset. I expect your MIL & FIL will follow suit from what I can gather.

Yes it does, but I was just pointing out that poor DN1 is not called Liberty Belle. SIL isn't that crazy... or perhaps she is! The implication was that I was making the names up as they were so silly- which I don't appreciate as I (sadly) could not make this situation with SIL up if I tried.
I'm going to speak to DH about additional name for DD3 tonight- I think he'll be happy with it as at least it'll sort out (some) admin issues the girls may encounter later in life.

Ruby

I have an Isabella too - it is popular at the moment. I think that what your in laws have done is very strange though. I can only think that they must have wanted to call the baby Isabella / Isabelle throughout the pregnancy and didn't know you were going to choose that name too? However I think it's unlikely they would have got the same middle name too. Very strange when there are so many names to choose from.

Ruby, I think you are handling this incredibly well. I would be behaving really badly if I were in your position.

This would piss me off immensly!!!! You are not being unreasonable and I would voice my feelings.

Fat Josephine!!!

Oh no no no

Not Big Josephine even... FAT JOSEPHINE

Your lot call a spade a spade eh koekje

Gawd!!! What an awful situation, I can understand why you are furious and for your DD too. It's hard enough developing a sense of identity especially in a family that has children all of one gender without someone having your name too.

I agree with the poster that said your SIL's actions are akin to throwing a grenade into a crowded room. IMO she is pushing for a bust up or to distance herself.

I say this because when I was a teenager I had a best friend. I won't bore you with the back story of the whys and wherefores but when she split up with her boyf I started dating him (this, as I was fully aware at the time, is another one of those unwritten things that you just don't do) needless to say she fell out with me and I never saw her again- this is what I wanted to happen, I also stopped seeing boyf then too.

I'm not particularly proud of this tale as I was being uber passive aggressive but in my defence I was only 17 and have never done anything like this since.

I can only think this is why your SIL is doing this and digging her heels in over it. Not sure what you can do about it really, I suspect if you suck it up and continue as normal sooner or later she will do something else.

The suggestion of giving your daughter a 3rd name is good, I would also consider sending her to a separate school to her cousin.

Good luck, you seem like a nice person and I think we know which Bella lucked out on the Mums

PPPPPLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEE just get onto the phone to your SIL and politely tell her that she is being ridiculous that she has to change this name NOW. This thread is unanimous. Your DH needs to grow a pair. But in the meantime, you just need to sort out this situation. She is ridiculous and I am angry on your behalf.

Of course, there is a good chance SIL is a MNetter and is reading this. So SIL - bloody stop being such a stupid tart and change the bloody name!

Good - got that off my (ample) chest.

Your post will make her (OP's SIL) do exactly as you so kindly ask Mardy.

The thing is, what can OP 6/or her husband do?

TBH, it sounds as if BIL has no balls as he went along with it!

Seriously are you being serious? its only a name fgs!

Its not only a name though, is it? cmon!

Ruby, your SIL is a weirdo. When her hormones calm down, Im sure she will see who much of a dick she has been! In the mean time, keep calling her DD Issy in a really prissy way and have vocal phone conversations with pals that your are with the SIL who named her child after yours!

Fruitloop. Her, not you.

YANBU at all.

That is just too close for comfort, using both first and middle names and obviously having same last name too.

I would be upset if someone used the exact same name, or so close it might as well be the same.

When I had my LO my cousin and his partner were expecing their second child about three months after I was due. We named LO after my grandfather and they were horrified and said "that's the name we wanted" then they decided they were going to use it anyway. I was a bit worried then but they had a girl. But even if they had had a boy, we use the long version, they wanted to shorten it and they would have had different middle names and surnames.

Nobody owns a name but Isobella Eve and Isobelle Eva are just too close for comfort and I can't understand why they would want it when it's just too close to your daughters name. It's weird.

namechangertoday it might be for the best. I'd be upset if someone in the family used the names I gave to my stillborn son or my daughter who died neonatally but if LO grows up and he and his partner want to use them I would hope to feel that he was honouring his brother or sister. I know they have died, and I have no claim to the names, but those babies have nothing else, they died so early. All they have are their names and their birthdays and that's it. I'd feel (reasonable or not) that someone had stolen the one thing I was able to give them and that was theirs alone. If someone in the family were to use them it would have to be the right someone IYSWIM. Your aunt might have felt hurt if you had gone ahead but proud her son thought of his brother. So you probably did the right thing by thinking of her feelings, that was really kind of you.

bemybebe This woman needs to be told and I don't mind if she gets in a huff with me. I can take it. I'm a big girl.

But your DD is only 4m old? I wonder as you were so close, whether you discussed a names ' shortlist' with her.So, and I'm clutching at staws here, perhaps she had decided on the name before your DD was even born?
I can understand why you are annoyed, but at the end of the day there is nothing you can do about it especially as they are both such common names at the moment

YANBU. That is insane of them!!

I've just gone back and read the entire thread. It just gets weirder the more I think about it.

When I was expecting LO I did consider Isobel or Isobelle as a name but then realised it's a form of Elisabeth, the name we gave to our daughter who died, and that was too close for comfort for me. LO was a boy anyway but my point is there are similar names that have the same meaning, which your SiL could have chosen instead. She could have had Elizabeth Ava if she liked the style of Isabella Eve (for example). Of if she had to have a Bella why not an Annabelle or an Arabella so at least they had something that was obviously different, even if the nicknames were the same?

I know a lot of people have said that Bella doesn't make sense with Isobelle but there are lots of nicknames that don't make sense with the original. I deliberately chose my daughters name with an 's' rather than a 'z' to avoid Liz or Lizzy but had she lived I'm sure someone would have called her one of them. But either way, 's' or 'z' there are lots of odd nicknames for Elisabeth that don't fit, Bess or Bessie or Betty for a start.

And Margaret is/was often shortened to Peggy and I have no idea why.

Not sticking up for your SiL BTW, just saying that sometimes the nicknames don't fit and in a normal situation it wouldn't matter. Your situation is far from normal.

I can understand why you don't want to be the one to change either. Your Bella was here and named first, you've been using the name for months, even before she was born. No doubt you have congratulations cards with Bella written on them or gifts that have her name on. Everyone knows her as Bella. Your Bella knows her name by now. SiL's Bella is less than a week old and so they won't have all that yet, so it's not unreasonable to think they could change it a little bit or use Izzy as a nickname as her baby won't know it yet.

And at the moment its obvious that your Bella is the older baby but when they are a little older, both three or five or ten etc, it will be hard for people to know which Bella was first, so you can't even take comfort in being original.

It's not only a name, it's three names, first, middle and surname, and they are bloody identical. It's weird. I agree with whoever posted to say she had done it on purpose to get at you somehow. It's a passive-aggressive way of going about it, and a totally mental thing to do.

I can understand you feeling annoyed but at least you named you daughter first and nothing can change the fact she copied your name. On a similar issue of copying in my family years ago i was told by a friend that copying should be taken as a big compliment and admiration of your choice. I thought differently about it after she said that. To save family rows i would just take it as a massive compliment of her love of your childs name.

A name is part of a child's identity. If my sister (who had children before me) had picked a name I really wanted I would have been gutted but I would have immediately started looking for another.
As far as I'm concerned that name would have been 'sister's DD/DS' and it would have been bizarre to even contemplate it.

In this case as the last poster says, it's not just the first name. It's weird.

Reminds me of daughter of parents' friends, who named her DD Charlotte, which happens to be her own sister's name. I think my sister would have killed me if I'd given her name to DD.

Forgot to say you should definitely call the baby Isabelle and if they complain or accuse you of being passive aggressive you could simply say that as far as you're concerned Bella is your DD and it's weird to use her name to talk about her cousin, hence using their DD's actual name.
They can't argue with that, surely?

I have a cousin who has the same name as my Dad, different surname as he's my Aunt's son but same first name. My DP also has a cousin who shares a name with FIL but the same surname is used in that case as it was FILs older brother's son. FIL DM finds it confusing in her old age and she's had 30 years to get used to it.

I find that weird. I wouldn't dream of using my brother's names with my DC, or BIL's name even though BIL's first and middle names are my dream name combination for a DS. It would be too weird, all I can do is smile that my MIL has good taste.

Nowt as queer as folk.

YANBU at all. Your SIL sounds like a nutter.