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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have said 'No' to a friend who assumed they could use my house for her kid's b'day party?

209 replies

summerpixie · 22/04/2011 08:44

I texted a friend asking how they were going to celebrate her DD's birthday. She replied with the list of events: Cinema, MacDonalds then .... round to mine to have a bit of a party to cut the cake.
Now, I know that text messages tend to be misconstrued but she did NOT put 'LOL' at the end of it. I told her my house is a mess and I wasn't having visitors round and to go to her in-laws who have a huge 100+ ft garden! She replied saying that she would have to ASK them and my house is always a mess! So, she didn't feel the need to ask me, not even related to her, but had to ask her in-laws?
She hasn't even invited my DS to the cinema either although he is a lot younger than her DD but she isn't taking her own DS either (same age as my DS).

The way I see it is that she's not even inviting us but want's to use our house to cater and accomodate for her afterparty. AIBU or is it just my hormones?

Today is the day and I checked the times of the film they are going to, should I go out elsewhere around the time it finishes as I think she is still assuming she can come round as she text my DH saying they would see us all on Friday. I am in no mood to deal with other people's kids during my Easter break.

OP posts:
Chil1234 · 22/04/2011 08:46

Call and talk perhaps? Text messages could be her idea of a joke

bamboobutton · 22/04/2011 08:47

what a cheek!

tell her to piss off and take your ds out for the day

FetchezLaVache · 22/04/2011 08:49

YANBU to be pissed off, but you were BVU not to have made it clear that this isn't on, IMO. If I were you I'd get on the phone to her right now to clear things up. As it's likely to be a nice day, you could always suggest she could go to the park to cut the cake and have the party.

ramblingmum · 22/04/2011 08:49

YANBU if she has not asked you or given you a time why should you be in. I like having people round but when I invite them.

CareyFakes · 22/04/2011 08:49

I'd call and tell her that you won't be having children round your house for her childs birthday. Make it clear, hellllllll no.

Cheeky really so YANBU

FurCoatNoMiniEggs · 22/04/2011 08:50

YABU. Clearly your house is a suitable party venue so you should make it available as and when your friends require it. I do hope you've prepared a suitable buffet and hired a magician

Decorhate · 22/04/2011 08:50

Why can't she just go back to her own home for the cake-cutting??

hocuspontas · 22/04/2011 08:52

Didn't she mean it as a way of involving you in her dd's party? I'm sure she's not going to bring a load of other kids! I think it's quite nice in a way. Have you actually 'spoken' and not just 'communicated'? Lots of misunderstandings otherwise!

onceamai · 22/04/2011 08:54

Why haven't you said no already.

StewieGriffinsMom · 22/04/2011 08:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

penguin73 · 22/04/2011 08:55

Can your DH text her something along the lines of 'really, what's happening Friday? I think we're going out' ?

Goblinchild · 22/04/2011 08:57

Tell her your hiring charges.
Insist on payment before they cross the threshold.
Or phone her and tell her no, without woffling.
I can't begin to imagine living in a world where this sort of thing happens, so I'm not going to be much use really.

trixymalixy · 22/04/2011 09:00

Good God, I avoid having my own kid's birthday parties in my house. There's no way I would have one for someone else's child especially if my kids weren't invited.

YANBU, what a cheek!!!

handsoffmycake · 22/04/2011 09:00

Eeeeerrrm. This is a bit wierd no? Are you very close friends? Ring and tell her no thankyou. Go out when she is due and make sure you lock all doors and windows.

scrappydappydoo · 22/04/2011 09:01

Well YANBU to not want to host a childrens party at your house.
However - if this is worrying you so much why have you not picked up the phone and talked about this with her instead of posting on the internet????

ENormaSnob · 22/04/2011 09:04
Shock

she is a cheeky fucker.

More fool you if you allow this to happen.

Original poster
summerpixie · 22/04/2011 09:05

She lives in a flat and I guess she doesn't want them to mess it up for her and probably out of convenience. My house is closest to the cinema and MacD's. She lives 10 mins drive away from them whereas I am 2 mins. Her in-laws are 5-10 mins drive in the other direction.

She's one of those people who do not get the hint no matter how directly you tell her. During Feb half term she asked me to look after her son for 1 hour max. I was reluctant as I value my school holidays as being a chance to spend time with my own DS and away from other peoples kids, which during term time I am paid to do. However, as it was only 1 hour and she needed to sign on I agreed. She dropped him off at 10:30 so 30 mins before agreed and I told her I needed to leave my house at 12:30 to go out so she needed to be back by 12:00 so I could get ready.
So 11:30 comes and she calls saying; Oh, whilst I'm out I'm going to do a bit of shopping what would you like me to get for lunch?
I reiterated that I needed to go out at 12:30 and she replies telling me that she will be back by then. She eventually turned up at 12:40 with a bag of lunch in tow ready to feed her DS!!

OP posts:
Xales · 22/04/2011 09:07

She is saying your house is always a mess so it doesn't matter if she brings 5/10/20 kids around without asking you as the additional mess won't matter and she can bugger off after and leave you to clean it up.

BlooferLady · 22/04/2011 09:09

Take a quick look in the mirror, check you haven't got MUG written across your forehead, and if not pick up the phone and explain calmly and firmly that it simply won't be possible as you have other plans (or something).

If you let her do this there will be nothing nothing that she won't impose on you! You sound much too nice and accommodating...

southmum · 22/04/2011 09:10

jesus just phone and tell her no, dont hint, just a "no sorry we've got plans". even if those plans are just slobbing about.

Abr1de · 22/04/2011 09:10

However - if this is worrying you so much why have you not picked up the phone and talked about this with her instead of posting on the internet????

I think you are missing the point of AIBU.

Abr1de · 22/04/2011 09:11

Sorry, the first bit was a quote.

Xales · 22/04/2011 09:12

Sorry wanted to add you said you weren't having visitors so she text your DH!?!?!?!?!

So she didn't text you again after you said no visitors ask your family she text him!

She doesn't deserve the courtesy of a call/text to say you won't be there to be honest but it makes you the better person to do so.

Then go out.

cupofteaplease · 22/04/2011 09:13

Hang on, are you sure she didn't just mean bringing her own dc and a cake to your house for a cuppa and a play? Which I have done with my sisters on occasion, but of course I've asked first if that's ok.

Perhaps I haven't understood, and she's planning on bringing other people's dc too!

MortaIWombat · 22/04/2011 09:13

Ha ha. You're a sucker - and she knows it. [bugrin]

Cross yet? Yes? Then channel the inner bitch assertive person!