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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have said 'No' to a friend who assumed they could use my house for her kid's b'day party?

209 replies

summerpixie · 22/04/2011 08:44

I texted a friend asking how they were going to celebrate her DD's birthday. She replied with the list of events: Cinema, MacDonalds then .... round to mine to have a bit of a party to cut the cake.
Now, I know that text messages tend to be misconstrued but she did NOT put 'LOL' at the end of it. I told her my house is a mess and I wasn't having visitors round and to go to her in-laws who have a huge 100+ ft garden! She replied saying that she would have to ASK them and my house is always a mess! So, she didn't feel the need to ask me, not even related to her, but had to ask her in-laws?
She hasn't even invited my DS to the cinema either although he is a lot younger than her DD but she isn't taking her own DS either (same age as my DS).

The way I see it is that she's not even inviting us but want's to use our house to cater and accomodate for her afterparty. AIBU or is it just my hormones?

Today is the day and I checked the times of the film they are going to, should I go out elsewhere around the time it finishes as I think she is still assuming she can come round as she text my DH saying they would see us all on Friday. I am in no mood to deal with other people's kids during my Easter break.

OP posts:
Twit · 22/04/2011 11:06

'She replied with the list of events: Cinema, MacDonalds then .... round to mine to have a bit of a party to cut the cake.'

That to me says I'm bringing extra kids round.

jeckadeck · 22/04/2011 11:08

YANBU. She probably didn't mean to take the piss, just is used to your doing things together. But when people start to take stuff like this for granted you need to draw a line in the sand or they will really abuse it.

MillsAndDoom · 22/04/2011 11:09

I do hope Lynette is right and you don't end up with a tribe trashing your house

TidyDancer · 22/04/2011 11:09

I agree Twit, I think the OP's cheeky bitch of a friend intended to cart all the kids to her house. I really wouldn't tolerate it and if I was to bend to that, I would be seething with anger the whole time. This has to be a definite no. Either don't be in the house or don't answer the door.

CrapBag · 22/04/2011 11:09

Have fun at Legoland. Wink

Text her and tell her thats what your plans are today as a response to the text she sent your DH.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 22/04/2011 11:24

Marking my place too, to see what happens. OP - I hope you have a fun day with your ds. This 'friend' is a cheeky mare and you are definately NBU to be cross with her assumption that she could use her house, nor are you B-at-all-U to be out when she arrives.

weedle · 22/04/2011 11:31

I would be inclined to think that she'd do cinema and McD's, have the other kids collected and then be popping round for a bit of cake and a cuppa. Probably thinking it'd be nice to pop over and see you and your DS (if he's a bit younger) but being completely oblivious of the fact she should have asked if it was ok.

But then again she could rock up with half the cinema in tow... [buwink]

medicalmayhem · 22/04/2011 11:43

dump her! friends like these are takers nothing more and will never get the hint!

MollieO · 22/04/2011 11:54

The weird friend may think that the no visitors statement doesn't include her but actually means no other visitors. The OP needs to make it clear but it is very hard to do with this sort of person and still maintain any kind of friendship.

All I can say is you must be pretty desperate if you think Legoland today is a better option than just turning your friend away when she turns up!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 22/04/2011 12:17

wtf?? My God you people have some weird friends. On whose planet is it acceptable to do this kind of thing? The op was pretty clear, we're coming round to yours be because it's handy and you won't notice the mess. She was told no and she intends to come anyway. That's lunacy.

IreneHeron · 22/04/2011 12:21

I don't get it. I used to live in a small flat and would think nothing of having lots of people round. We often used to have our NCT group round, that means 6 toddlers and 12 adults at least. If it is just kids, they don't care how big the house is and the smaller it is the easier it is to keep track of them.

OP I'd go out.

thenightsky · 22/04/2011 13:09

Marking my place too. I am off out to pissup lunch shortly and need to know what happens.

boosmummie · 22/04/2011 13:20

Marking my place too. Crazy woman and I hardly think you can be accused of being unreasonable at all. Maybe you should text her as well if she is unlikely to return the missed call. And have fun at Legoland!

Glacier · 22/04/2011 13:21

This person is not a friend! I would drop her pronto. Get some actual nice friends!

TheOriginalFAB · 22/04/2011 13:26

Oh My Goodness Shock.

Gooseberrybushes · 22/04/2011 13:33

this is bizarre and I bet you will let it all happen

FriedEggyAndSlippery · 22/04/2011 13:34

Blimey! I've seen so many threads about cheeky entitled people and each time it amazes me.

Legoland sounds great Envy have you got a neighbour who can keep an eye out for you though? I'm dying to know if they turn up to find you gone :o

Rhinestone · 22/04/2011 13:35

Stuff going out! Sit in your garden, make a lot of noise, have fun! Do NOT let this piece of pondlife drive you from your own home!

And absolutely definitely do not let her in. Stand firm - we are watching you OP and we'll come round and nick your Easter eggs if you capitulate!

thumbbunny · 22/04/2011 13:44

YAsoNBU but you HAVE To Go Out because I could just bet that if she did turn up on your doorstep with 6 girls, you'd just let them in out of the goodness of your heart.

GO OUT! FGS.

She knows damn well you are a soft touch who can be railroaded if she's barefaced enough. So don't give her the option.

I think it's pretty clear from "a bit of a party" that she is DEFINITELY planning to bring all the girls/birthday group to your house. She's probably even told the parents of these girls that your address is the one to pick them up from.

STAND FIRM - and be prepared for her never to speak to you again (although that could really be a huge bonus...)

NestaFiesta · 22/04/2011 13:45

"Dear crap friend, we're not in that day. You'll have to make other plans summerpixie"

YANBU-

  1. she says your house is always a mess (rude!)
  2. She didn't ask you, she told you
  3. She is taking the piss and thinks you are there to serve her in some way
  4. Stand up and say no so she won't keep doing this
  5. What the hell kind of a friend is this anyway???
Rhinestone · 22/04/2011 13:48

Nooooooo! Going out gives the impression that that's the only reason she couldn't come round and that she could if you were in! Stay in and make a point!

flipflopfly · 22/04/2011 13:49

See I don't understand why people just use text... surely a call would have sorted all this out, especially after what she said to your DH. Regardless of her cheek - what about her daughter? What did you text back after her saying she would have to ask her in-laws - anything? Why did you leave it til today to call her?
Poor girl's birthday and she may come round to finding her friends and her stuck outside a locked house! Yes your friends has BVU assuming this was OK but actually I think you're being a bit unreasonable not to have sorted this before especially if you feel so strongly about it, and now potentially ruining the girl's birthday - and yes I appreciate you wouldn't be in that position if it wasn't for your friend's cheek, but you are and you left it to the actual day to decide to clarify.

thumbbunny · 22/04/2011 13:49

Rhinestone, she can't! She'll cave, for sure. And then be really angry with herself that she did.

Bogeyface · 22/04/2011 13:50

Anyone else keeping an eye on this to see what happens?!

I think the OPs friend is outrageous, but like all Rhino-hide people probably doesnt see the problem at all! I agree with the staying in and saying no option, makes the point and next time she wants somewhere to go you wont be on her list!

boosmummie · 22/04/2011 13:53

I am Bogey I could have been the OP 10 years ago. Definitely had yes and mug tattooed on my forehead for a while. If only MN had been around then!