to be upset about OH looking at porn??

[flamingoagogo]

Caught him out the other night, its not the first time either. Have been v.pissed off each time & always results in a row, but just so happens i am PG atm so feels worse. I hate the thought of it, like he's cheating (i know its not as bad as that but he is kind of 'being intimate' with another woman, even if shes not really real). Makes me feel inadequate etc etc. AIBU to feel so hurt?

you've answered my question in the end. You are happy about watching porn despite not knowing if the woman in it is being raped.

Enjoy yourself.

Why not admit that you use porn, watching sounds so benign, at least have the balls to call it what it is.
Does your wife share your view of porn being mainly harmless?

If she had valid moral objections to your use of it ( or even if it just upset her) would you stop?

My personal life can best be described as 'complicated' - not that who I'm shagging is any of your business.

HTH

Do you have daughters Mrspoc? God I hope not.

"hard to be raped when you're smiling" Words fail me.

That's a disgusting not to mention false thing to say. I've reported your post. Go and watch Felicity and watch her smile - in shock, confusion, fear shame, anger and embarresment while Max Hardcore rapes her.

Jenna Jameson's story (for those that are interested in her as a human being and not just as wank fodder) is very sad.

Her mother died when she was two. She was neglected by her father. She was gang raped and beaten as a teenager, and raped at 16 by her boyfriend's uncle. She became an under age stripper and struggles with drug addiction.

At the adult Video Awards in 2008 she said "I will never, ever spread my legs for this industry again. Ever

She also says that being a stripper and a porn star 'makes you hate men'.

You can read about Jenna Jameson in Gail Dines book pornland.

books.google.co.uk/books?id=2ZOjb8Sk1bUC&printsec=frontcover&dq=pornland&hl=en&ei=BoitTYfSIovUsgbkkanYDA&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CDAQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=jenna%20jameson&f=false

Scroll to page 34 for the information I have posted here.

How disgusting that there are people who get off to films of this poor woman re-enacting her abuse.

MrSpoc, if you and others like you, informed themselves about the reality of porn rather than just brainlessly jacking off to it, you would find that Jenna Jameson's story, of an a history of suffering sexual violence/rape/abuse/abandonment, is not unusual amongst the women in porn.

Maybe you should have a think about why that might be?

Actually, I hope his disgusting post isn't removed, it illustrates perfectly the type of person he really is and his warped view of female sexuality.
I'm just glad not to be married to a man like that, funny that he hasn't answered my questions about his wife and her views.

I dont really care what you three people think of me. this is just a typicle re-action by people who have different opinions.

There are many women who enjoy watching porn. And yes my wife is one of them. I also do not see what is wrong with what i wrote earlier. Never mind.

OP: if you're still there, I'm sorry that your post has been hijacked and hope you're ok.

I'm not in the least bit surprised that you see nothing wrong with that vile statement you posted - ignorance is bliss, eh?

Is your wife on mumsnet Mrspoc?
Perhaps she could tell us herself how much she likes porn.
You really should watch the Felicity documentary, then you will see how it's possible to smile whilst being raped by an abusive, predatory film maker.

Flamingo, you may have already done so but you might want to start a support thread in Relationships. You can clearly state at the top of your thread that it is a support thread and NOT a debate thread.

I hope things work out for you. Take care.

YANBU to object to your DH using porn.

This section is never a good place to get support and advice however.

I can see why porn users are so defensive and in denial. The reality of the industry is a horrible thing to get your head round. No wonder they don't want to.

I watched that documentary 'hardcore' last night - can someone explain the relevance of the back story with her parents? To me it took away from her experience in the industry by offering excuses (blaming either her mum for lying to her and then her dad for walking in and out of her life) for her wanting to be in porn.

Geniune question, I've never bothered with the porn debates before but after watching it I'd like to know.

I actually know two girls (separately) who are/were very active in the porn industry in the US. I have not been in touch with them for ages, but last time (10-15 years ago or so), they were both laughing at me for doing a job I was doing at the time for the pay I was getting. They were doing very well in comparison to my start grad salary (and I was super proud of). I wonder what happened to them, although they were both people I didn't necessarily try to get in touch with again. If their life didn't turn out well, I would not be surprised. It sounded tough and very bitchy.

Exploited they were NOT.

Have you ever been raped Mrspoc?

If not, how do you know what it's hard to do while you're being raped?

oh fook off with the "have you been raped line" most of the women in porn are NOT raped or exploited. Get over it.

Well teh point of my question was to challenge your assumption that women behave in a certain way if they are raped.

It is very dangerous to assume a woman should behave a certain way. The reason we have a 6% conviction rate for reported rapes, is because so many people require women to behave in a set way when they are raped and when they don't conform to that behaviour pattern, they refuse to believe that they have been.

But obviously, you don't like your assumptions being questioned.

And how do you know that most of the women in porn haven't been raped? There has been loads of research which shows that a disproportionate number of women in porn and the sex industry have in fact experienced rape and/ or sexual abuse in childhood or youth.

HerBEggs please stop suggesting that women that have been raped end up in the porn industry, this is ludicrous.

Have you got evidence of your bold claim?

Other than "they are smiling so they must be enjoying it" - I mean.

weedle: I think it was an attempt to understand what took her into the industry in the first place. I didn't see it as making excuses, but as a genuine attempt to understand why someone who was clearly intelligent, thoughtful and aware could become inolved in it despite obvious reservations and fears.

"HerBEggs please stop suggesting that women that have been raped end up in the porn industry, this is ludicrous."

And yet again, another Aunt Sally. FGS, I did not say that women who have been raped end up in the porn industry, of course that is ludicrous.

What I said was that a disproportionate number of women who are in the porn industry, have been raped.

Do you really not see the difference? Are you deliberately misrepresenting my argument, or did you mis-read it?

Btw, I do not use porn, my dh does not use porn, thankfully our sexual desires are well in sync.