to be upset about OH looking at porn??

[flamingoagogo]

Caught him out the other night, its not the first time either. Have been v.pissed off each time & always results in a row, but just so happens i am PG atm so feels worse. I hate the thought of it, like he's cheating (i know its not as bad as that but he is kind of 'being intimate' with another woman, even if shes not really real). Makes me feel inadequate etc etc. AIBU to feel so hurt?

michelle2011 Tue 19-Apr-11 11:53:21

PlopPlopPing i really wouldnt bother this thread is going round in circles, same being written over and over again. we all know men look at porn all the world over. we all know they will continue to look at porn. some women dont like it, some dont mind. do we know the personal history of the sex performers? no we dont ... should we sit here and discuss for days on end ... lets not i got kids to take care off. i hope the OP has enough information so she can tell her partner how much she dislikes his private activities

I think you are right Michelle, it is frustrating trying to have a proper discussion because you get people like HerBEggs constantly not understanding what I have written and so just putting ha ha ha or LOL all the time. Pointless.

Quite Seth.

I'm sure that some of the clothes in Primark are made in well-run factories where poeple are paid minimum wage and get proper breaks and don't employ children.

But I don't know which ones, so I'm not going to go into Primark - just in case.

For those that can't be bothered to look at any links, I have copied and pasted some statistics from the 'Pink Cross' website:

-26 cases of HIV reported by Adult Industry Medical Healthcare Foundation (AIM), since 2004.
-66% of porn performers have Herpes, a non-curable disease.
-2,396 cases of Chlamydia and 1,389 cases of Gonorrhea reported among performers since 2004.
-36 porn stars died that we know of from HIV, suicide, homicide and drugs between 2007 and 2010.
-At the 2003 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, a gathering of the nation?s divorce lawyers, attendees revealed that 58% of their divorces were a result of a spouse looking at excessive amounts of pornography online.
-More than 11 million teens regularly view porn online.
-The largest group viewing online pornography is ages 12 to 17.
-Chlamydia and Gonorrhea among performers is 10x greater than that of LA County 20-24 year olds.
-70% of sexually transmitted infections in the porn industry occur in females according to County of Los Angeles Public Health.

There are pages of stories from former porn stars on the site. None of them have much positive to say about the industry:

www.thepinkcross.org/pinkcrosss_article_category/Ex+Porn+Star+Stories

Exactly Michelle.

All the arguments about this subject just seem so pointless somehow. At the end of the day most men of all ages and all classes like porn, have done since the year dot and will continue to do so till world comes to an end.

All the endless arguing wont make the slightest bit of difference to that fact.

Plop as I said before, I do understand what you're saying.

I just disagree with it.

And TBH my tone of levity arises from the nonsensical approach of some pro-porn campaigners which automatically seeks to paint any opposition to porn, as opposition to sex. If you can pretend that everyone who doesn't like sex is either frigid or insecure about her own body, you can dismiss her arguments. It is a technique which comes from a mysogynist world-view and it must be treated with the contempt it deserves. Hence my tone, but sorry to have wound you up, it wasn't (completely) deliberate.

it's not ok for the ones that get gang-raped in violent gay porn, no. But in most porn films where someone is hurt it's the woman.

No, sorry michelle and plop, HerB and others understand perfectly well what you mean. Believe me, your 'logic' is not so complex that understanding your arguments is difficult. They just don't agree with you. But do keep posting: it's tedious, but overall a good thing to see the pro-pornography arguments go in the same circles before collapsing like a house of cards over and over again.

"last time i checked there were also men in most porn films. i guess it's okay for them, being men and all...."

Kerry, unless it's gay porn, they aren't the ones being choked on penises, gagged and raped.

If people want to watch porn, then they should ensure it's ethical IMO

kerry No, it is not ok for them if they have been drugged, trafficked or coerced; of course it isn't.

If a woman is on her one with a large number of men in a house in an isolated location and being forcefully asked to do things she isn't really comfortable with, how can she get out of that situation? It's hard to imagine a male porn performer in a similar situation, given that the vast majority of porn producers are male.

And I didn't just make that situation up, before you suggest it. It was discussed on here recently and I believe was depicted in a documentary about some charming bloke called Max Hardcore.

Hear hear jenny

everythings black and white? yes it written in black and white here i can see clearly now why many women fail to climb the corporate ladder etc etc, i can see that glass ceiling here in black and white ... the reason for it

No jenny60 she doesn't understand what I mean. At one point I had to re-quote something 3 times and she still didn't get it.

She really does: we all do, but we think you're wrong.You need to accept this and move on.,

HerBEggs - ( don't worry I'm not staying )

There's something that has always puzzled me about feminists, and in particular the anti-porn ones. How do they know what's going on inside the minds of every porn user/ porn 'performer' - if I read a few articles on porn and decide I want to be an 'anti-porn feminist' when will my magic powers/mind-reading skills kick in? - because you seem to know more about my dh than I do! - I've explained to you on the GPU thread that the majority of users are into normal mainstream stuff, yet you assume they're all really after the worst porn they can get hold of - I can tell you for a fact that's totally incorrect. - what is your problem? - porn will never go away, there's nothing you can do about it ( apart from condemn all users ) -
Men like looking at naked women, even feminists can't stop nature, and in case you've forgotten, it was feminists who fought for women to have the same sexual freedom as men (eg; contraception for unmarried women ) you wanted sexual liberation, now all you do is moan that some women choose the sex industry as a career.

Carmina - there is research

Also we are not talking about men looking at women naked. We are talking about men looking at naked women who are being naked in a specific way designed to dehumanise the women.

It's really not that difficult a difference to spot.

What is it you had to quote - am off to attend to elderly relatives but back later

Ok, one last time and then I'm off. I quoted someone and Eggs didn't know who I was quoting, I qouted them again and made it more clear and she still didn't know, this went on for a while. So this has nothing to do with opinion but Eggs inability to READ WHAT I WRITE. So you can "think that I am wrong" but when you cut and paste someone else's post there is no way to be wrong. You quite clearly are fighting Eggs battle for her but don't actually know what we were discussing or what you are talking about.

It's quite clear she doesn't agree with my opinions just as I don't agree with hers or yours.

if I read a few articles on porn and decide I want to be an 'anti-porn feminist' when will my magic powers/mind-reading skills kick in?

I want some!

From what I remember you quoted things to demonstrate that what you were syaing other people were saying, was. But er, they demonstrated nothing of the sort. They just demonstrated that you assume people think one thing if they say another thing.

was true that should say.

Fuck off with this all men bullshit.
How many times do I have to say it, my DH does not and has never used porn, I should bloody know, we've been together for 29 years since we were 16.
He has seen porn however, as have I , there is a massive difference, if you don't understand that you are too stupid for the internet quite frankly.

To suggest he does it in secret is hugely insulting to his integrity and to my intelligence.

It must be awful to have such a low opionion of men to think that they are all liars and unable to control their manly urges - who was the idiot who said that a man will get an erection as soon as he sees porn? I think you need to find some grown ups dear.

Why is there this ridiculous idea that people who don't like (or aren't interested in) porn, don't like sex? Does it make the denial of the harms of porn easier?

Ahh but PPP - before you become bestowed with super human intelligence and have the foresight of God almighty - you have to become a feminist, because they know it all - and some.

Has anyone accused anti-porn people on this thread of being anti-sex?

Can we just agree, Malifience, that a significant of men watch porn? (relibable stats are hard to come by) Of these men, many, if not most, are not women-haters