to be upset about OH looking at porn??

[flamingoagogo]

Caught him out the other night, its not the first time either. Have been v.pissed off each time & always results in a row, but just so happens i am PG atm so feels worse. I hate the thought of it, like he's cheating (i know its not as bad as that but he is kind of 'being intimate' with another woman, even if shes not really real). Makes me feel inadequate etc etc. AIBU to feel so hurt?

Ha ha I knew you'd say something like that plop.

No, men who habitually lie to the women in their lives about something they do, are sordid wankers.

I fucking hate liars.

Can I just point out that the OP has at no point said what type of porn her DP is looking at. All the hysterical people (yes that's directed at you HerHEggs) on here are assuming he's looking at children being abused on the internet or at vidoes of women being raped etc. Has is occured to you that he may have been looking at a soft porn mag, or that soft porn you can view on telly, or even the underwear section of Littlewoods catalogue? No you've all decided that he is "depraved"!

Oh and HerBEggs . . . according to you, anyone who lies is sordid? Not who lies about something sex related, just someone who lies. Yes that makes them a liar but does that make them sordid?

Oh that's bullshit kerrymumbles.

It's probably accurate to say all men have looked at porn (although I would say to be on the safe side, most rather than all, in our culture). That's probably true in that porn is widely available and most people take a quick peek. Some then go on to be users of it, some decide it's not for them.

A bit like smoking really. Most people have at least tried smoking a fag, but most decide it's not for them.

But to say all men look at porn implies that all men are regular porn users so I would quibble with your terminology. Grown up intelligent men who believe in equality, aren't regular porn users. I feel incredibly sorry for all those women who have such limited access to good men, that they don't believe they exist.

LOL at you plop, there you go again, attributing arguments to me that I ahven't made.

Where have I said the OP's DH watches child porn? Nowhere, that's where, you've just made that up again.

You haven't got any sensible arguments against my arguments, so you are making up pretend arguments you can argue against instead. It's quite funny.

I think a man who jacks off to porn habitually and habitually lies about it, is sordid yes. Revolting. I feel terribly sorry for yoru friends living with wankers like this. There are some really nice men out there you know. Honest ones who don't habitually lie/.

The thing is, so many women live with such shit men, that they have a vested interest in pretending that ALL men are shit.

And they're not, they're really not. Some of them are perfectly lovely.

Of course men are (mainly) sentient human beings. And "safety valve" is a metaphor, not a physical design feature. There is a vast amount of material in the category loosely called "porn", ranging from photos in Heat magazine to snuff movies. Not all, but a large number of men like to look at pictures of men and women in varying stages of undress and arousal. Yes, at the far end of the scale, this can include some pretty nasty stuff which begs questions about the psychology of the consumer. But to imply, as some of you like HerBEggs have done, that any man who looks at any pornography is by definition a degenerate who is lying to his partner is a pretty extreme point of view. I think taking this line is unhelpful in the cases where men (or women) get off on pretty mainstream, middle of the road porn. Also I'm sorry but I think those of you out there who have convinced yourselves (or been convinced) that your men are "above" porn and have never looked at it are deluding yourselves. Men aren't all looking at porn all the time, but show me one who claims never to have looked and I'll show you a liar.

yep all men, look at them setting up their anti porn websites as a cover

I used to believe that was true too (that all men use porn). It isn't. It's a very convenient thing for some men to have women they know believe though.

"Of course men are (mainly) sentient human beings" ROFL at that. Will now read the rest of your post.

"But to imply, as some of you like HerBEggs have done, that any man who looks at any pornography is by definition a degenerate who is lying to his partner is a pretty extreme point of view"

I haven't implied that. It was plop who said that the men she knows lie to their partners.

I personally think a man who looks at porn should tell his partner he's doing so and let her make an informed choice about whether she can live with that or not, not lie to her.

I also haven't said anywhere that men who look at porn are by definition degenerates.

I think the whole subject is much mroe complex than man looks at porn = degenerate.

But people love to simplify the arguments to make you out to be an anti sex, anti man loon if you have a political stance against porn use.

It's very difficult to generalise on the numbers that watch porn, but studies do seem to show that a significant number of men do watch porn

70% of men watch porn

A question that arises is what is being watched, and that's not addressed by the OP, but is assumed by some to be violent and abusive - we don't know that's the case

So you are in fact contradicting yourself Kerry.

Your DH doesn't look at porn.

Do you think he's so different from every other man? Loads of blokes don't look at porn.

I think the problem is how you define porn user. In the same way that the National Readership Survey defines a reader of a newspaper as someone "who has read or looked at x newspaper for at least one minute yesterday" in order to define them as a daily reader, any man who has ever seen porn is defined as a porn user by some surveys. And I think most of us wouldn't define a porn user, as someone who had ever seen porn, would we? We would say that a user is someone who currently uses it wouldn't we?

And there you go AGAIN Eggs not understanding what is written. I didn't say that you said he looked at child porn (please read it again and start trying to understand what other people have written as your continuous non understanding is driving me crazy) but I DID say taht you were hysterical which I stand by.

Where is your evidence that I am hysterical?

People generally call women hysterical, when they don't like their arguments.

I could call you hsyterical if I wanted but seeing as how I'm nowhere near you, I don't know whether you are or not, so it wouldn't actually make my argument any stronger.

D'you see?

And LOL at my general non -understanding.

I do understand what you are saying.

I just don't agree with it.

Disagreement isn't the same as incomprehension.

HTH.

Olifin i think you need to look up the word empowered once again that is not what i wrote - get it? oh well nevermind

PlopPlopPing i really wouldnt bother this thread is going round in circles, same being written over and over again. we all know men look at porn all the world over. we all know they will continue to look at porn. some women dont like it, some dont mind. do we know the personal history of the sex performers? no we dont ... should we sit here and discuss for days on end ... lets not i got kids to take care off. i hope the OP has enough information so she can tell her partner how much she dislikes his private activities

right off now things to do

michelle Thank you for your kindness. I do know what empowered means. I am an English teacher so my vocabulary is reasonably good. Once again, you are choosing to split hairs over word definitions rather than engaging with the point I made. I wonder why? Replace the word empowered with the words you used and then answer the question.

And as for....'men look at porn the world over'. Yes, some men. And so do some women.

'Some women don't like it'. And some men don't like it either.

'Should we sit here and discuss for days on end'? Perhaps. If we want to engage in a debate rather than make facile comments and refuse to answer anyone's questions or look at links which have been provided to help people make their points. I get the impression everything is very black and white in your world.

A man looking ar porn is the male equivalent of a female watching a soap opera.

'A question that arises is what is being watched, and that's not addressed by the OP, but is assumed by some to be violent and abusive - we don't know that's the case'

No, no-one has assumed it is.
I'm tempted to write this whole thing in capitals because so many people seem to have missed it despite my having said it several times.

You can watch what looks like perfectly nice consensual porn and NOT KNOW what went into the production of it. Just like you can buy a nice dress and not know if it has been made by child labour, so when the word gets out that a particular shop has been sourcing stuff from a factory that uses child labour people will boycott the whole shop because they don't know which items were produced in which factory.

Thus there is a very good chance the OP's dh has INADVERTENTLY watched a woman being raped or watched a woman who is only doing it because of her drug habit or childhood abuse, if he is downloading mainstream porn off the internet.
It doesn't mean every single bit of porn online features abused women but wanking to abuse is such a shitty thing to do even inadvertently that there is a good case for not taking the risk.

Really?

Do the vast majority of soap opera stars have a history of sexual abuse?

Do most women really bring themselves off to Kevin Webster?

That's in response to SurreyDad's absurd assertion btw.

Also, do the majority of soaps show men as being there solely for the use o other men or women and less than human?