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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think "dropping the kids off at nursery" does not mean "then go to the pub all day and turn up with random woman in tow at 4pm"?

256 replies

ButterpieandCheese · 15/04/2011 16:58

Gah. I am possibly being unreasonable.

DH and I work from home (also out of home, so it's not like he is trapped in - 50% of work is around a 10 mile radius or so, 50% at home) and today only I had work on. However, we have just moved house and are having a housewarming gathering tomorrow, so there is plenty to be done. We are also pretty skint.

Today I got up after Dh and the kids (we take turns to do the really early shift, although I had been up with the baby in the night and DD1 had woken me up and spent half an hour clambering over the bed and telling me all about her favourite cereals that morning, so don't imagine a full 8 hours of peaceful slumber. I was also late to bed last night as I had to stay up to finish a report for work) and DH told me not to worry - he would drop the kids off, but could I please go on ebay and write down what needed posting to where as he was going to the post office as soon as he got back. Fair enough.

So, I got the ebay stuff done straight away, then sat down to do work on my laptop.

Anyway, after two hours I text him to see where he has got to. "ran into an old friend. She has social phobia too - you would get on well" (i don't have social phobia. I have general anxiety as a symptom of other problems, and anyway, why would that mean I would automatically get on with someone?) He did invite me for a coffee with them both, but I refused on the grounds that I had a mountain of work to do before a medical appointment that afternoon.

He texted again at 12.30, saying the same. I replied saying that actually the nurse was due here any minute. He replied saying that he was having a great time, asking silly questions of shopkeepers, and that he would be home in a minute. (?)

After the appointment, at 3.30, I texted again as he still hadn't turned up. He knows full well that this regular appoiontment always makes me much more anxious, btw. I tell him every week.

He replied with "home soon, sorry, is in quite a mess, I had to talk to her for ages". Then, at 4pm, he turns up, WITH RANDOM FRIEND IN TOW. No warning. I was on hold to the council, and then I had to ring the DLA people to have a personal conversation. I also had my laptop open as I was writing another report for work while on hold.

I said hello to friend, who then proceeded to ignore that I was on the phone and obviously working, and just chattered away, while DH disappered upstairs to do things related to ebay. When I got through to the council, I went through to the other room, so as not to be rude to his friend, and she followed me and kept trying to talk to me. Once I was off the phone, I apoligised but I really needed to make another phonecall, and so I went up to my bedroom to get the details. while I was up there I made the call, and afterwards I came out of my room to find DH, who told me he had brought this woman home so she could be my friend. Hmm

OK, so I am very shy, and so I can see that he was trying to help, but is turning up with no warning with a random mate when I am very busy the way to do it?

Anyway, I then decided that I should probably talk to the woman, so I went into DD1s room to get a bobble to tie back my hair (hadn't bothered to brush it as wasn't expecting to see anyone except the CPN, and I'm sure she has seen worse than messy hair). I turned round to see the woman in DD1s room, cornering me. The woman then, out of nowhere, said "Nick says you have mental health problems. I have social anxiety." then tried to hug me! I made the effort, I didn't push her away, despite being really, really not a huggy person, and I said "yeah...it's...difficult, isn't it? I had my nurse out today." and then the woman got really overexcited and started asking me why the nurse comes out to see me in my house and all sorts (I couldn't make out a lot of what she was saying as she was slurring her words). I just said I didn't know and apoligised again, but I WAS REALLY BUSY and so could she please GO AND FIND DH.

Then, despite the fact that I was clearly very busy, he then told his friend that he had to go and pick up the kids (Fridays are the only full day they have in nursery, so very precious for getting stuff done) but she could stay here and have a brew with me, as we were clearly getting on like a house on fire (!)

I then thought that I would just have to be outright rude and said "no, actually, I'm really busy, you will have to entertain your own guest I'm afriad." And he just looked at me and asked her again if she wanted to stay while he went out.

Luckily, she got the MASSIVE hint and left at that point.

I know I was rude, but really, I obviously don't mind his friends coming round, but expecting me to entertain them is a bit much, no? Plus the spending all day at the pub when there is loads of work to be done. (luckily he didn't seem drunk - he had said he was drinking coffee, so that must be true)

Anyway, I know I am being unreasonable to be so rude to someone apparently having trouble, but if DH had let me know at any point that she was coming I could have had a quick tidy and done all my urgent work before she came.

OP posts:
TandB · 28/04/2011 09:14

Butterpie - I have just read this thread and wanted to add my support to all the wonderful advice and comments from other posters.

Please think very carefully about this situation - as though you were looking at someone else's life - and work out whether he is what you want for the rest of your life.

If he really had your best interests at heart, why would he do anything that might exacerbate your health problems? And if he doesn't have your best interests at heart, what is the point?

If you take out the Byron and all the fancy cultural stuff - what would you be left with? A man who can't be entirely faithful to the mother of his children, and who gets drunk in a pub and brings home the woman he has kissed and flirted with? That's not exactly the stuff of the romantic hero he clearly thinks he is.

BTW Byron was a twat.

QuelleLeJeff · 28/04/2011 09:15

Change your counseller. She sounds utterly shite.

DontWorryBaby · 28/04/2011 09:47

That AA stuff is nonsense. There's some leaflet available from AA along the lines of 'are you an alcoholic?'. You certainly do not need to drink alcohol every day to be one and your Relate counsellor should know that.

Sounds like your DH isn't taking this v seriously and you've lost faith in the counsellor. No point wasting money on that - either ask for another counsellor or don't bother continuing.

I hope you're ok and have someone to confide in x

swallowedAfly · 28/04/2011 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Animation · 28/04/2011 14:09

"I need someone to supervise my medication or I forget."

How come you forget to take your medication?

TheSecondComing · 28/04/2011 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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