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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that a restaurant asked me to take my crying baby out ofthe restaurant

606 replies

40Weeks · 13/04/2011 11:32

went for a meal yesterday eve at a local Zizzi's restaurant. Ds3 is 6 weeks and was a bit restless, crying on and off. The restaurant was quiet as it was 6pm and was there with dcs (mine and dsis) kids had eaten most of their meal and we had not long started ours (ordered it a bit later than the kids meals) and were taking it in turns to soothe him and dmum and dbil were there too. Apparently some customers complained about his crying so the manageress came and asked us to quieten him down or take him outside!

Aibu to think this is disgraceful?

I had breadtfed him but was facing away from other customers so don't think it was because of this. The complaining customers said that their daughter took their dgc to the ladies in such situations. Nice.

I am still reeling from this and not sure if I am bent oversensitive or if it's really weird to be offended by a baby, crying or not!

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 13/04/2011 22:07

I thought she was still justifying it-plenty of others are. I wouldn't be harsh if she apologised and said that in future she would take the baby out-everyone gets things wrong, but hopefully they learn by it!

exoticfruits · 13/04/2011 22:09

Never post on AIBU if you are not robust enough to take honest replies.

SoupDragon · 13/04/2011 22:10

Peaches, I think the harsh replies started because she had her fingers in her ears and was going "lalalalala I'm not listening, I'm not unreasonable lalalala"

SoupDragon · 13/04/2011 22:11

I must say that I would have had more sympathy had she been there alone with the children but there were at least 3 adults.

Quattrocento · 13/04/2011 22:11

The sound of a crying baby grates. That's what it's designed to do. To require attention. It is simply not fair on other diners.

YABVU

And I hope I am never in the same restaurant as you.

manticlimactic · 13/04/2011 22:13

violet I suppose hiding behind a waitress if preferrable to what I heard one woman saying to the mother of a crying baby the other week ' Will you shut that baby up or take it home'. We were all a bit Shock but glad someone had said it. Grin

My sister was visiting from abroad and we went out for lunch and she asked to be put as far away from children as possible. I like to eat in peace than hear a baby cry for 15 minutes. And it doesn't matter how far away from you they are (the OP said they weren't sat near others), you can still hear them.

Quattrocento · 13/04/2011 22:18

Having read the entire thread, I have revised my opinion

OP - YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU

takethisonehereforastart · 13/04/2011 22:19

violet - the OP said a comment was made by the complainers about taking a child to the toilets in that situation and it's not clear whether they meant the crying situation or the breastfeeding situation, so yes I am talking about this thread and I don't think the toilet is the place to feed or comfort a crying baby.

Also: Am loving the spin put on this by some posters

'I'd be more likely to offer them a sympathetic smile than hide behind a waitress and complain '

It's not spin, it's what I'd do.

violet and crunchbag The OP said the restaurant was quiet, so perhaps the complainers could have asked to move to a table further away. That way they might not have had to confront anybody or send a waitress over to someone who was dealing with a young baby, even if not in the way they would have preferred.

Since we weren't there and don't know how loud the cries were or how long they went it I suppose it is hard to say one way or the other who was the most unreasonable but there are worse things to ruin a meal than a six week old baby being a bit restless or even crying on and off.

exoticfruits · 13/04/2011 22:23

I think OP should go by the majority-count them up. I'm sure that they come out, overwhemingly, as YABU and therefore you can take it that you are! (Even if you still don't accept it, you at least know the general feeling for next time.)
As someone said, people might have sympathy with a lone mother ,but there were 3 adults!!!

crunchbag · 13/04/2011 22:28

Takethis Well the people who complained thought different, and as it was quiet they would have heard the crying no matter where they sat.

I am sure they didn't ask the restaurant to remove the OP from the premises, just to make her aware that the crying was disturbing their meal.

blondebutonlyfaking · 13/04/2011 22:29

But if the baby hadn't really been noisy, would the manageress have actually come over to speak to them?

There were 4 adults if I count it correctly - the OP, her Mum, her sis and BIL?

So why could one of the other adults not have taken the baby out? Or could they not have done so in relays?

And the OP didn't leave or take the baby outside when asked, she kept eating her meal. IMO if the restaurant was quiet then the baby crying noise was going to carry.

And then there's the fact that she thought the other diners should have waited or gone to the restaurant next door. Like the manageress would have said to the other diners "Tell you what, why don't you just go next door and eat there and we'll lose all your money and repeat business "

Why does having a baby give you a right to upset other people with your behaviour and manners?

frantic51 · 13/04/2011 22:30

Peaches Of course we've all made bad judgement calls. The point is that the OP hasn't admitted to that and persists in her feeling of entitlement. (If I have missed something, please, do, point it out and I will be swift to apologise)

She says the restaurant was "quiet", by which I take it she means there were not many diners, as her baby was making quite a noise! I wonder how many people walked in, heard the baby and walked out again? It could be that the management were mightily relieved when someone finally complained and they could step in!

Paying customers have a right to enjoy meal in peace, be it a baby, a group of drunkards, or whatever disturbing them, and they have a right to complain if they feel their meal is being spoilt. The management have the right to decide whether to act on the complaint or not, in the best interests of their business as they see it.

Deal with it OP.

crunchbag · 13/04/2011 22:30

exoticfruits I think at the end the OP has grudgingly agreed that next time she will take the baby outside to sooth :)

flippintired · 13/04/2011 22:32

crying babies really agitate me, full stop. I find newborn cries distressing if they go on for too long. believe me I've had newborns that cried bloody endlessly. It was distressing to hear my own and not be able to stop them. It's shameful behaviour to spoil other people's evening out.
At least 'next time' you will know better. But you should have known better anyway.

frantic51 · 13/04/2011 22:32

the management has- I'm actually getting cross now, obviously, as my command of the English language is becoming worse than usual! Grin

violethill · 13/04/2011 22:36

takethis - I hear you loud and clear that making a complaint is not what you would do. The spin is in your comment that complaining is 'hiding behind a waitress'. Your obvious intention is to try to imply that it's somehow cowardly, and not standing up directly to the OP - when in fact, it's the opposite - it's using the proper channel to make a complaint.

G1nger · 13/04/2011 22:37

You should have known, when you were their wolfing down your food in an effort to leave sooner, rather than go outside to sooth your baby and so "prolong" (your word) everything there, that others were going to share this absence of relaxation and resent you for it. No one is there to simply fill their bellies, you included.

Quattrocento · 13/04/2011 22:38

It's a fair assumption that everyone on this thread has had at least one baby

We've all probably taken said baby out to a restaurant

We've all probably experienced inconvenient crying

We've all faced this choice:

(a) Grimace apologetically to other diners and ignore the baby and carry on eating

(b) Grimace apologetically to other diners, try to soothe at the table with one hand while carrying on eating

(c) Grimace apologetically to other diners on the way out of the restaurant, leaving friends and family behind while we get the baby properly soothed outside

(d) The OP's choice - carry on eating and think that if other diners are stupid enough to come to a child-friendly restaurant they have the option of leaving

Think the OP needs a slap, personally

G1nger · 13/04/2011 22:38

I can see I just used the right "there" two of the three times, which is reasonable, unless of course IABU...

JingleMum · 13/04/2011 22:40

ok, so rather than all argue about this as i'm never going to agree with some of the unsympathetic posts on here, how do we all compromise? do some people genuinely believe that newborns shouldn't go to restaurants? what about toddlers?

i've got to be honest, i'm starting to worry that when i take my 18 month old out for lunch/dinner that some people might be secretly unhappy about it and feel i could ruin their meal?

violethill · 13/04/2011 22:43

How do we compromise?

Well, make sure that your behaviour, and that of anyone you're responsible for (ie children and babies) is not spoiling other people's enjoyment.

I don't think it's rocket science. No drunken braying or shrieking. No children toddling around getting in the way of waiters/other diners. No shouting/shrieking from young children. If you bring a baby, then be prepared to leave if it won't settle and is crying for more than a minute or two.

tabulahrasa · 13/04/2011 22:44

"do some people genuinely believe that newborns shouldn't go to restaurants?"

I don't, but I think if a newborn cries you do something about it and if you can't, you put the comfort of other diners before yours...

crunchbag · 13/04/2011 22:44

JingleMum again nobody has said no to take a newborn to a restaurant. Just to be prepared that if the baby doesn't play along to deal with it, in this example having someone take the baby outside to sooth.

blondebutonlyfaking · 13/04/2011 22:44

I agree with violethill.

And FWIW I don't think child friendly means only families with young children.

Quattrocento · 13/04/2011 22:45

Took mine out all the time when they were babies and toddlers

Never let them disrupt the restaurant by crying or running around

It's not bloody difficult

But you can't be lazy about it, you have to put some effort in

Slightly unfortunately, the effort is usually called for when your main course arrives

I ate an awful lot of salad during this period, for fear of a hot course going cold while I was walking the DCs up and down outside the restaurant

Bad form to disturb other diners. Really appalling manners