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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that a restaurant asked me to take my crying baby out ofthe restaurant

606 replies

40Weeks · 13/04/2011 11:32

went for a meal yesterday eve at a local Zizzi's restaurant. Ds3 is 6 weeks and was a bit restless, crying on and off. The restaurant was quiet as it was 6pm and was there with dcs (mine and dsis) kids had eaten most of their meal and we had not long started ours (ordered it a bit later than the kids meals) and were taking it in turns to soothe him and dmum and dbil were there too. Apparently some customers complained about his crying so the manageress came and asked us to quieten him down or take him outside!

Aibu to think this is disgraceful?

I had breadtfed him but was facing away from other customers so don't think it was because of this. The complaining customers said that their daughter took their dgc to the ladies in such situations. Nice.

I am still reeling from this and not sure if I am bent oversensitive or if it's really weird to be offended by a baby, crying or not!

OP posts:
keepcalmandeatcake · 13/04/2011 22:45

I certainly think the OP has got a metaphorical slap if she's still here reading all this vitriolic ranting. Are you suggesting a literal slap now? Is that really what this site represents? I have just joined this site tonight and am shocked at the bitchiness. It's not a great reflection on us as mums or women.

MissBetsyTrotwood · 13/04/2011 22:46

Just general, considerate, respectful behaviour is all that's needed.

scottishmummy · 13/04/2011 22:46

no unsympathetic posts,plenty pragmatic posts

solution:
do be prepared fpr interruptions and deal wirth crying
take baby outside for walk to soothe
if car close go for wee 10min drive
if cannot settle then may have to terminate meal early
choose a specific family place,less likely annoy other families

been there, had to do this,isnt fun but dont want to impinge on others

blondebutonlyfaking · 13/04/2011 22:46

Everyone has the right to go out with children.

But like all rights, with that right comes the responsiblity to behave in a socially acceptable way. No drunkenness, no loud swearing for example from adults. No letting toddlers run riot. And if a baby is crying and after a couple of minutes it's not stopping, get up and take it outside.

MissBetsyTrotwood · 13/04/2011 22:47

I mean, if you're taking your children out for a meal. Not on AIBU Wink .

blondebutonlyfaking · 13/04/2011 22:47

No one has suggested a literal slap keepcalm but this is AIBU.

Read the warning at the top of the page ^^

Wink
violethill · 13/04/2011 22:48

BTW I am all in favour of taking children out for family meals when they are old enough to understand the basic rules. And tbh, if you sit up to meals as a family regularly, they soon learn them. They know they can't hop up and down from the table/chuck food about etc.

Up to that stage - that's what babysitters are for!

If you insist on bring young babies along, then I think you need to go with the mindset that if the baby doesn't settle, then you will have a disturbed meal, as you'll need to leave. We occasionally took our newborns out when eating, but mostly I expressed milk and booked a babysitter. There is a choice here. I chose to pay a babysitter and have the minor hassle of expressing. Others may prefer to take their chances on the hassle of having to leave the restaurant with their baby. But there is a choice. The unreasonable thing is to leave other diners with no choice but to listen to your baby's noise.

Quattrocento · 13/04/2011 22:49

I suggested a metaphorical slap

Which is clearly what the OP needs. Suggesting other diners could leave FGS!! What nonsense.

crunchbag · 13/04/2011 22:50

When DS was about 6 weeks old we were invited to a company meal and having no babysitters available we had to take him with us. I didn't drive at the time so DH decided he wouldn't drink so if DS wouldn't settle we could go home. Having him crying on and off would have ruined the night for us and the other guests.

As it turned out we hardly saw him that night, he was either asleep or having a cuddle with someone else :)

But the point is, we were prepared to leave if he would spoil the meal for others.

keepcalmandeatcake · 13/04/2011 22:55

Blondebutonlyfaking - Ha ha! I've read the warning at the top of the page and clearly this is where the people with anger management issues hang out! There are lots of pragmatic answers on this thread all saying the same thing ad infinitum but there's been plenty of personal attacks too. I'll sod off now and leave you all to be angry in peace.

violethill · 13/04/2011 23:01

ROFL

Quattrocento · 13/04/2011 23:04

Ooh I like the lofty tone from the newbie. She'll go far, mark my words. Perhaps she could counsel me on my manners anger management issues

expatinscotland · 13/04/2011 23:07

I've asked the staff to move us away from a crying baby more than once.

It's very very rare that DH and I get to go out on our own - maybe once or twice a year.

At such times, we really don't care to have our meal disturbed by other children.

And yes, many's the time we've had to take one of ours out of a restaurant or cafe for a spell.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 13/04/2011 23:08

When my 2 children were younger, meals out in peace on our own just as a couple were few and far between. They were very precious to us, and I would have been fuming if I'd gone out for some rare couply time and had to listen to a crying 6 week old. And I probably would have thought to myself "Jesus, 6pm is possibly the worst time of day for a 6 week old baby to be out and about - what WERE you thinking inflicting it all on other people?"

I remember going out for our last meal as non-parents - I was 39 weeks pregnant and knew that it was going to be the last time we'd be able to go out for a while and certainly the last time we'd be able to go out without the faff of arranging babysitters etc. I was so looking forward to it. It wasn't early evening either. It was about 8pm. And there was a child less than 18 months of age in a highchair that whinged and cried and wriggled through the whole of his mother's meal (of which there were the full 3 courses). The mother was with her friend and they just let the baby cry and moan and for the most part carried on chatting. The baby was clearly overtired and fed up, but no, they wanted to carry on with their bloody 3 courses and sod the rest of the diners. I was SO Angry. It wasn't fair on the diners and it certainly wasn't fair on the baby eitiher.

anonymosity · 13/04/2011 23:12

I think I'd be very hard pushed to complain about this situation personally. I am sympathetic to the need to get out of the house / and the inability to calm a tiny infant. 6 weeks old is tiny, the crying would have been very quiet in comparison to say a 6 month old letting rip.

Having said that, if the people having dinner out didn't get out much, if it was a special occasion for them, or if they were having some kind of personal difficulty they wanted to quietly talk through, I can see it might impinge on that...

Not an easy one to debate which I suppose is why there are 22 pages of this.

scottishmummy · 13/04/2011 23:15

no,6wk not necessarily quiet crier or easy ignore.if it annoys one,well it annoys

JingleMum · 13/04/2011 23:21

for what it's worth i have been in this situation and i took my DD outside until she calmed down, another time i actually left early (she was very young at the time) i'm not agreeing with anyone letting their baby screech for half an hour, of course it will ruin the experience for others, but the OP said the baby cried on and off in her first post. my point wasn't really about the restaurant situation it was about some of the unsympathetic replies on here, there really are some nasty people on here.

my DD is 18 months old, we went for dinner to pizza hut today, she was as good as gold in her highchair, she started shouting loudly for her dad's attention whilst he was eating, as soon as he looked up at her she started laughing really loudly, it was a game to her. this carried on for about 5 minutes until i distracted her with something else. IMO i done nothing wrong and had somebody had something to say i wouldn't have been very happy...

anonymosity · 13/04/2011 23:24

I agree with JingleMum

JingleMum · 13/04/2011 23:28

anonymosity it's nice to know that there's others who feel the same as i do. i just think us mums have enough to deal with so a little compassion in difficult situations would be nice.

scottishmummy · 13/04/2011 23:29

does nasty=disagree with you and op jingle?
pragmatically most of us have said,been there,experienced that,and it is a disturbance and disappointment to have to curtail a meal

most here have sympathised with op,but have also acknowledged there needs to be a balance of other folk needs too

violethill · 13/04/2011 23:32

Nasty people eh?
Aka people who happen to disagree with you ....

grovel · 13/04/2011 23:33

You can "get away with a lot" if you're seen to be trying to reduce inconvenience to others.

Roseflower · 13/04/2011 23:38

I was lucky with dc1, she was not perfect but I cannot recall any situations she cried in public for 15 minutes as a newborn

However I am expecting dc2.

I am actually getting stressed at the thought of going anywhere public once dc2 is born now incase dc2 makes a scence as I did not know how strongly some people felt.

I really think I am put off going out which is a shame as I have spent 90% of the last 2 months indoor due to extreme morning sickness! :(

JingleMum · 13/04/2011 23:42

roseflower don't dare let these posters put you off. they are only a tiny percentage of people. i've always found that most people are really sympathetic when your little one plays up.

scottishmummy & violethill no, i don't mean nasty people because they have disagreed with me or have a different point of view, i assure you i'm not that pathetic. i mean nasty as in their posts have been nasty, rude or uncalled for.

ilovesooty · 13/04/2011 23:46

But like all rights, with that right comes the responsiblity to behave in a socially acceptable way.

Well said. And that means taking your child out if it grizzles.