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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that a restaurant asked me to take my crying baby out ofthe restaurant

606 replies

40Weeks · 13/04/2011 11:32

went for a meal yesterday eve at a local Zizzi's restaurant. Ds3 is 6 weeks and was a bit restless, crying on and off. The restaurant was quiet as it was 6pm and was there with dcs (mine and dsis) kids had eaten most of their meal and we had not long started ours (ordered it a bit later than the kids meals) and were taking it in turns to soothe him and dmum and dbil were there too. Apparently some customers complained about his crying so the manageress came and asked us to quieten him down or take him outside!

Aibu to think this is disgraceful?

I had breadtfed him but was facing away from other customers so don't think it was because of this. The complaining customers said that their daughter took their dgc to the ladies in such situations. Nice.

I am still reeling from this and not sure if I am bent oversensitive or if it's really weird to be offended by a baby, crying or not!

OP posts:
TotallyandUtterly · 13/04/2011 21:50

No need to get personal Violet. We have opposing views, end of.

I don't agree with OPs sense of entitlement, neither do I agree with complaining about babies.

blondebutonlyfaking · 13/04/2011 21:50

Totally - where have I said I don't have empathy for the OP?

I do - having to deal with a crying baby in a social situation is unpleasant and stressful

but she should have gone outside

TotallyandUtterly · 13/04/2011 21:51

I said she should have gone outside.

violethill · 13/04/2011 21:52

Not getting personal at all Totally.

It was you who implied that anyone who makes a complaint about inconsiderate behaviour is lacking in empathy and not being nice.

Gemsy83 · 13/04/2011 21:53

I'd have been totally p'eed off if I was out celebrating my birthday and not one of the adults accompanying me had let me eat and helped soothe the baby...but I personally would have just taken then older children and asked one of the adults who came to babysit instead.

scottishmummy · 13/04/2011 21:54

we had to curtail,moderate our social/meal times when dc unsettled
it is unfortunate,but parental responsibility and good manners is to limit amount one impinges upon others. most other parents on here are saying they too have had interrupted meals or made adjustments- it happens, we all have been there

blondebutonlyfaking · 13/04/2011 21:54

Totally - I am really shocked that you would imply that I do not feel empathy for the OP.

That is totally unfounded and unjustified.

crunchbag · 13/04/2011 21:54

But OP said in her first post that she thought it was disgraceful she was asked to take him outside for a bit, so she wouldn't have done so of her own accord.

G1nger · 13/04/2011 21:54

A few people have suggested that the OP was asked to take her baby out earlier, but didn't. I must have missed this point in my reading...

takethisonehereforastart · 13/04/2011 21:55

YANBU. Babies cry. I'm sure that if he were screaming the place down you would have taken him home for his own comfort anyway, so I'm sure the other diners could have coped with a bit of noise.

6pm is not that late, I'd expect young families to be out at that time and I'd be more likely to offer them a sympathetic smile than hide behind a waitress and complain if they had a noisy newborn, especially when they were making the effort to comfort him.

I don't understand people who go out to eat and seem horrified to discover that other people are there as well.

There are places to eat that don't allow young children. Our friends raved about a fantastic place they had found that they wanted to take us too and were embarrassed when they tried to book a table and were told that LO wasn't welcome as they don't allow children under 12 years of age.

So if people don't want their meal "ruining" by having other people's children nearby then they can chose to eat elsewhere or go out later.

And why shouldn't you BF at the table. It's where everyone else was eating their meals so why not your son? It's ridiculous to send BF mothers and babies to sit in a toilet.

scottishmummy · 13/04/2011 21:56

why did none of the other adults assist her?offer take baby outside

MissBetsyTrotwood · 13/04/2011 21:56

Too right scottishmummy .

exoticfruits · 13/04/2011 21:56

our country as a whole is not very family/baby friendly. are we supposed to stay indoors and not enjoy any family meals out for the first 6 months of a child's life?

Do you not think that the two are connected? In child friendly countries the parent wouldn't let a baby disturb everyone and they would let others hold the baby. In UK the parent is the one in control and there will be hell to pay if you try and interact with the baby -in my case I am sure that 'I would be an interfering old bag'! There is a sense of entitlement that the mother can take her DC anywhere and she is in control.
I'm sure that we would be child friendly if parents didn't spoil it for others.
You wouldn't be told in France that you couldn't have a relaxing meal because selfish parents come first!

I get very annoyed with the idea that if you eat early you automatically can't expect a quiet, peaceful meal. People eat early to unwind from work, because they don't like to eat late, because they are going on somewhere or 101 reasons.
How about explaining to DCs that if they eat out they have to behave appropriately and for babies and ones too young to understand you take them out and calm them down?

blondebutonlyfaking · 13/04/2011 21:56

Okay, I've typed this three times and deleted it every time.

Don't jump all over me Smile I may be over thinking this.

Suppose it was smoking not a crying baby. Suppose it was annoying me as the smoke was drifting all around the restaurant and I complained.

And the smoker refused to leave and ate their dinner before leaving.

(And I know it was a baby crying but I'm trying to think of something to get the principle across and I know smoking is illegal inside)

violethill · 13/04/2011 21:57

takethis - I think you're responding to a different thread. No one sent the mother to bf in the toilet

exoticfruits · 13/04/2011 21:58

This isn't about bfeeding. Bfeeding doesn't disturb others.

scottishmummy · 13/04/2011 21:59

op said her baby cried for 15min,isnt a bf ting,is a why didnt any of the 4 other adult family present assist op

TotallyandUtterly · 13/04/2011 21:59

Surely she was upset and embarrassed to have been asked to leave? To make someone feel so uncomfortable is rude. She made the wrong decision. No need to complain to management IMO.

Blonde- I am shocked that you would imply that I am making unfounded and unjustified insinuations about you. FFS. Handbags ladies, it's only MN.

I have an opposing view. That is all. I wouldn't complain and think it's more rude to complain than it is to take a baby to a restaurant. I have made it perfectly clear that I would have taken baby outside. Complaining it well and truly OTT IMO. Now I shall step away for the computer and do something constructive.

violethill · 13/04/2011 22:01

Am loving the spin put on this by some posters

'I'd be more likely to offer them a sympathetic smile than hide behind a waitress and complain '

Why is it 'hiding behind a waitress'?
Do you think it would be more appropriate to confront another customer personally about their behaviour?
The other diner dealt with the situation correctly - by making it clear to the manager that their meal was being disturbed.

crunchbag · 13/04/2011 22:02

If the people hadn't complained what would you suggest they had done to enjoy their dinner? Leave? Not fair on them or the restaurant imo.

violethill · 13/04/2011 22:03

Upset and embarrassed?

Not much evidence of that on this thread!

Just totally and stubbornly convinced that everyone else should postpone their meal/go off for a drink elsewhere/go home, rather than god forbid she should get off her backside and go outside.

blondebutonlyfaking · 13/04/2011 22:04

I don't understand why my right to a meal out is less than someone else's?

If I do not have kids with me then am I not allowed to enjoy a meal?

FWIW I would not have complained because I am a wuss but it would have spoilt my meal to have a child crying for that length of time.

Surely if it wasn't an issue, and the baby wasn't that noisy, the manager would've told the other diners to wise up the baby wasn't that noisy?

SoupDragon · 13/04/2011 22:04

"There are places to eat that don't allow young children."

If I go out to eat with my children I don't want to listen to a crying baby. Where do you suggest I eat?

PeachesandStrawberry · 13/04/2011 22:04

I feel sorry for the OP.

Not because of what happened to her in the restaurant, but because of all the replies on here, people have been very harsh and rude to her.

Has no-one on here made a bad judgement call?

She has admitted that and she is postnatal.

Leave her alone!!!

blondebutonlyfaking · 13/04/2011 22:05

Peaches - post in AIBU you get a full and frank exchange of views Grin

If she was postnatal and feeling fragile, then AIBU wasn't the place for the OP to post.