AIBU to think that my MIL was way, way out of order about this and I deserve an apology?

[InstropwithMIL]

Namechanged.
Went shopping with MIL yesterday. My birthday a few weeks ago and she wanted -no INSISTED- on buying me a present for it (I put 'inisited' in capitals because I don't want anybody to think I pressurised her into it. I did not. 'We must buy you what you want' she said. Made a really big deal of this getting what I want). Anyway, after a few walks around a few shops, I saw a lovely vase that I fancied (I was careful that it fell into price range that she was prepared to spend) . I presented her with vase, to which her response was:' I'm not buying that. It's horrible!!

I am afraid this soured the whole weekend for me, and I was not as 'accommadating' to her needs as usual.

I can't stand her now and do not know how to move on from this (for my husband's sake) Couldn't care less if I never saw her again.

and I'm sure you'll be a much nicer MIL in years to come, or at least understand when your children won't see you anymore because you told their partners how much you hate their choice of wallpaper/carpet/shoes/vase...etc.
Get a grip!! YABtotallyU!!

"I'm just going to have to become as unpleasant as she is. It's the only way."

Well, that won't take long, then.
Are you always this unpleasant about and towards people?

HecateQueenofThwNight, if those posters had simply said, 'yeah, it would pee me off, too. But is it worth cutting her off forever?' That would be reasonable, but they didn't; they couldn't even comprehend WHY I was peed off. Surely anybody would be at least a tiny bit put out by my MIL's behaviour?

Anyway, I've tried the 'honey' tactic with my MIL; it has not worked. She does not respond to kindness, politeness and tact.
She sees no reason to be nice and kind to me, and, frankly, I see no reason to now offer her anything more than civility.
The funny thing is that of her three children, her son will be the only one to even attempt to care for her in her old age: she has p**d off one her daughters so much that they didn't speak for two years and the other one makes Sir Humphrey from 'Yes Minister' look like a dumb spaniel; she is a real two-faced person and I can guarantee that there will be no real assistance from her should her mother need it. Trouble is, my MIL is far too thick to see this.

Easter holidays have started I see.

Is this one a joke?? - if not I feel for your DH - from your description of her antics & your own "classless" rants over not a lot - sounds very much like he married his Mother - you are BOTH behaving like a pair of controlling spoilt brats & need to get a grip

confuddledDOTcom wtf are you on about?! I've lost lots of people who are close to me. It didn't occur to me for one second to say to them when they were on their deathbed: 'Yeah I know you are the one about to snuff it an' all and are in agony, but hey, I FORGIVE you for dying. Ain't that good of me'.

This is more or less what my MIL said to her late husband on his deathbed.

nonickname3 So YOU think it is OK to insist -absolutely insist- to buy somebody a present, take them into town, and when they see something they like and present it to you, say in a loud voice in front of everybody, 'I'm not buying that!! IT'S HORRIBLE' This wouldn't p*ss you off at all?

You must be a saint.

your MIL was a bit odd and rude

you however are now being incredibly rude.

(and i dont believe you are a regular as everyone knows you dont need to you can just swear if you want to.)

zukiecat, I don't give a fig that she didn't buy me what I wanted! I didn't want anything from her in the first place! That's not the point.

zukiecat, Look, I'll try to explain it to you: this has got nothing to with me wanting a vase. NOTHING.

This is somebody making a big scene about trying to assist somebody get something that they want, and not following through with it. Obviously you think it is OK to let people down like this.

I understand totally why you are pissed off.

If someone tells you they would like to take you shopping and buy something for you, then they are buying something of your choosing.

Or they just go out and get you something!!!

To say no, that's horrible, is stupid. She's not buying it for HER, she doesn't have to like it!

However, you have really come out on the attack here. AIBU is where you ask if you are being unreasonable.

You clearly don't think you are, so perhaps relationships, or chat, would have been a better place for a rant.

You asked for opinions. I am not having a go at you, because you're cross and personally, I can see why. But coming on here and launching yourself at people who disagree with you is not going to end well for you and is only going to wind you up even more.

You don't want to be fighting on 2 fronts.

And, much as I too think your mil was being bloody rude, you would be better served by taking a deep breath and laughing at her (not to her face! ) but have a good old giggle about her insanity. Let it wash over you, not wind you up.

I had to drive her 20 miles and back for her to do this fgs, in MY car using MY petrol- the vase was a tenner.

I thought you said this isn't about the vase!

oh, read your post more carefully. Clearly this is a small part of a huge issue.

You need to make a decision whether this is someone you want in your life.

Oh, and you don't have to asterisk out swearwords on here. They are allowed, nay, encouraged

While you were out, did she do any shopping for herself?

Do you think the wanting to buy you something was an excuse to get your taxi service?

olderyetwider, it is not about the vase itself: it is the principle of insisting on buying something as a present (which they don't really want off you anyway, but, hey, they'll pick something to please you), then making them drive 20 miles to get this present and then , when presented with gift, refusing to buy the thing they want, and making them drive 20 miles back.

You are either on a wind-up mission or not getting the point.

I must be very dull

"Instrop" was a good name to change to. It makes me think of someone stamping their feet. Your MIL was rude and annoying by the sound of it. You, however, are sounding more and more ridiculous as the thread goes on ...and unreasonable.

Unless of course the thread is a wind-up - in which case: well done!

Instrop will you please get a hold of the fact that some people simply don't agree with you.

Doesn't mean they are saints, doesn't mean that they are on a wind up, doesn't mean they need things explaining to them really s-l-o-w-l-y.

They just don't agree with you

I don't want her in my life at all; this is not a one-off at all. Every time she visits, there is unpleasantness. My husband-bless him- can be a bit loud at times and yesterday she said to him in the restaurant, 'Shut up or I'm walking out'. I'm glad to say he called her bluff and said in reply, 'Fine. Go'. She stayed put but this sort of stuff happens all the time when she visits.

It's just awkward from start to finish. Even if I could, I wouldn't cut her off from seeing her son. Just wish I didn't have to be present, that's all.
Anyway, nothing more to say. Just going to have to think of a solution.

InstropwithMIL = TROLL

I am not a troll.