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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that my MIL was way, way out of order about this and I deserve an apology?

173 replies

InstropwithMIL · 11/04/2011 11:03

Namechanged.
Went shopping with MIL yesterday. My birthday a few weeks ago and she wanted -no INSISTED- on buying me a present for it (I put 'inisited' in capitals because I don't want anybody to think I pressurised her into it. I did not. 'We must buy you what you want' she said. Made a really big deal of this getting what I want). Anyway, after a few walks around a few shops, I saw a lovely vase that I fancied (I was careful that it fell into price range that she was prepared to spend) . I presented her with vase, to which her response was:' I'm not buying that. It's horrible!!

I am afraid this soured the whole weekend for me, and I was not as 'accommadating' to her needs as usual.

I can't stand her now and do not know how to move on from this (for my husband's sake) Couldn't care less if I never saw her again.

OP posts:
GeekCool · 11/04/2011 11:04

I hope this is a joke.

Leverkusen · 11/04/2011 11:05

what?

whitevanwoman · 11/04/2011 11:06

be honest though, the vase was dreadful :)

2littlegreenmonkeys · 11/04/2011 11:07

Your MIL could have been a bit more tactful, but are you seriously never going to see her again and fall out with her over differing tastes. Differing tastes over a VASE no less Confused

ditavonteesed · 11/04/2011 11:08

you cant stand someone because they thought a vase was horrible. get a grip.

Gemsy83 · 11/04/2011 11:08

YANBU she sounds like a total control freak.

hocuspontas · 11/04/2011 11:09

Agree with Geek. But if not, I hope you find a way to 'move on' from this terrible experience Hmm

takethisonehereforastart · 11/04/2011 11:10

Three days after I gave birth to my stillborn son my MiL asked me "Does it still hurt to give birth if your baby is already dead when you have it?"

That was the first of many awful things she has said and done to us since his death and that of his premature sister just eleven months later.

If you are serious about this then your MiL was a bit weird but YABU.

MmeSurvivedLent · 11/04/2011 11:11

Is there more to this than what you wrote in the OP?

Seriously. She didn't like the vase you chose and said she did not want to buy you it. That is not very tactful, but not worth falling out with your MIL for.

Don't you like to give people gifts that you like?

GeekCool · 11/04/2011 11:12

takethisone that is horrific. Truly vile, I'm sorry you had to listen that. :(

NestaFiesta · 11/04/2011 11:13

YABU. I think you should get this into perspective. It was a bit tactless of her, it was not a dealbreaker. Shrug it off. People have worse MILs than that.

Notalone · 11/04/2011 11:14

Grow up - she was tactless yes but hardly the end of the world. And she was buying you a present fgs. Hardly a reason to fall out with her forever.

takethisonehereforastart · 11/04/2011 11:17

GeekCool Thanks. This was from a woman who has had four children in her life and so really ought to understand a bit more about giving birth. She's been dreadful and the only reason for it is that she is a control freak who wants to be in the limelight. Seriously, if it meant I had all my children back I'd gladly give up the 'limelight' to her in this, I don't want it.

There's a massive rift in the family that will never be fixed now and because I am the first person to stand up to her and say that I won't be spoken to like that she started a stalking campaign that included kerb crawling alongside me while I walked to and from the shops and sitting in the car outside the house staring at it for hours on end.

I wish our arguement was over a vase.

worraliberty · 11/04/2011 11:17

I can't stop laughing at the fact you felt the need to tell us you name changed Grin

Original poster
InstropwithMIL · 11/04/2011 11:18

Right, well I can only assume the people who have replied so far have zero class, because, where I come from, if you absolutely insist on buying somebody a present, you buy it for them whether you like the present or not.
It doesn't matter a whether you as the buyer like it; you smile and say,' That's nice. Let's go to the counter'.

OP posts:
Original poster
InstropwithMIL · 11/04/2011 11:19

Did I forget to mention that she absolutely refused to buy it or something? Confused

OP posts:
stream · 11/04/2011 11:19

Yes, but she didn't buy a present, did she?

She was rude.

GreenEyesandHam · 11/04/2011 11:19

:o :o :o :o

olderyetwider · 11/04/2011 11:20

You silly mare, grow up and get over yourself

MooMooFarm · 11/04/2011 11:21

Yes your MIL was rude and sounds a bit ignorant - your gift is your choice and taste, not hers. But to want to never see her again is a bit OTT. I'm assuming there must be history here, and this is maybe the final straw?

Original poster
InstropwithMIL · 11/04/2011 11:22

olderyetwider. Christ, I'd hate to have you as an MIL. I pity any daughter-in-laws you may get.

OP posts:
MmeSurvivedLent · 11/04/2011 11:22

Oh, dear.

You might want to save yourself the bother and just hide this thread.

Not really caring if you think I have no "class" (however you are defining that) but I would counter that anyone with "class" would gloss over MIL's rude comment and not totally overreact to a small matter.

I feel very sorry for your husband, being piggy-in-the-middle between you and MIL.

GreenEyesandHam · 11/04/2011 11:23

That's not very fair to olderyetwider OP.

She might have a lovely taste in vases

WalterFlipschicks · 11/04/2011 11:24

ha ha ha ha! Grin 'zero class'

MmeSurvivedLent · 11/04/2011 11:25

Actually, I don't think that we can help until we know what vase it was. Can you link to a pic?

If it is something like this then I am with MIL.